Thirsting for a Connection
[Lilly and I recently attended a] memorial service for a friend of mine. I thought it would be mostly about remembering Bill. The service included our singing The Old Rugged Cross and O Holy Night and My Tribute. The reading selections for Bill’s memorial service were read from the books of second Corinthians and John. Almost none of the service was about Bill.Bill’s memorial service was designed to tell us that Jesus is the only way and why. It left me wanting to know something about Bill, who we knew only from dancing. He was a veteran and an artist. He was a man much beloved by his children and step children. He was a really memorable guy.
Lilly asked me if I had any thoughts about the service. I read her this poem I wrote in 1995
HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE
In olden times speech had a different purpose.
Red would be described as
“Red - as the color of the blood shed by our Lord Christ Jesus
when he was on the cross to take away our sins.”
and not just red, but everything was specified that way
which now seems strange, but which helped souls
remember who they were, their purpose and their goal.
This is not the way we speak today and we have lost some
sense of cosmic place and the meaning of our lives,
not that I’d resurrect the old, it does not fit for me.
Today in meditation I focused on the light stream
through my body, seeing light, asking that today
I am aware of being filled with light and being in the light.
I do not talk of red as the color of the blood
of someone dead two thousand years, and still,
there’s something I am trying to recall.
There was recently a Woody Allen interview on NPR. He was asked if his personal philosophy was as dark as his films. I’ve seen several - Love and Death was memorable. Mr. Allen said that he was much taken by a story he heard about two women at an American plan [meals included] Spa. One woman said, “The food is very bad here.” The second said, “Yes, and the portions are so small!” This is kind of his ongoing guidance. The food is bad, and the portions are so small. Life is full of troubles - and short.
I go to memorial services, and to other things, to hear how the person speaking or being memorialized dealt with those two issues. We all face this at times, so I attend listening for guidance for how to form the answers to life’s challenges. I am always listening for guidance on how to make life long - guidance to knowing what makes life good. That is what I am here to talk about.
After Bill’s memorial service I started thinking about this presentation. I was stuck for a while and then in short order I got two pieces of inspiration. One was when I got a letter from my cousin Jim. Jim is 84 and Jim is worried. He sent me this letter with a copy of Oswald Chamber’s reading for Feb 13 from My Utmost for His Highest. Here is a brief excerpt:
“The destiny of my spiritual life is such identification with Jesus Christ that I always hear God, and I know that God always hears me (John 11:41). If I am united with Jesus Christ, I hear God, by the devotion of hearing all the time. A lily, or a tree, or a servant of God, may convey God’s message to me. What hinders me from hearing is that I am taken up with other things. It is not that I will not hear God, but I am not devoted in the right place. I am devoted to things, to service, to convictions, and God may say what He likes but I do not hear Him. The child attitude is always, “Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.” If I have not cultivated this devotion of hearing, I can only hear God’s voice at certain times; at other times I am taken up with things - things which I say I must do, and I become deaf to Him, I am not living the life of a child. Have I heard God’s voice today”
And Jim wrote in the margin:
“Dear Harry, this covers a lot of why our relationship with God is seldom active.
Lots of love,
Jim
ps. I doubt that I will be invited through the narrow door. I am really starting to work on being invited.”
Jim is an Episcopal deacon and does bible study every day. He leads a good and goodly life. He is charitable and involved and an activist for values we both hold highly. And he is sweet and not at all ego driven. He is a great guy, much beloved by his wife, his 4 children, his grandchildren, his great grandson.
I am upset that he is so tormented. But some of his thinking is out of my league. Still, I called him trying to help. When I talked to Jim I said two things. First, I told him the story of the student who ended up in the college clinic from making himself crazy studying for a final. The teacher came to visit him in the hospital and said, “The saddest part of this for me is that you had already passed the course. You had done fine.”
Next, I reminded him of Micah 6:8 “He hath showed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”
I told Jimmy that he has already passed and can stop worrying. But Jim says he still does not hear the voice of God. He is too busy to listen. He never stops. We talked about this and I suggested that he learn to meditate. I hope my sharing this with Jimmy will help him with his challenge and with his fears.
I may go to Florida to hang out with him again. I know it takes me about 10 minutes inviting myself to meditate before something shifts. Maybe I can be his teacher for this. I‘d like that. In the meantime he is in my thoughts and in my prayers.
There are many ways I stay connected to God. Poetry is one.
Self-Portrait - By David Whyte
It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need to change you.
If you can look back with firm eyes saying this is where I stand.
I want to know if you know how
to melt into that fierce heat of living
I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day,
with the consequence of love
and the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat
I have heard, in that fierce embrace,
even the gods speak of God. ”
There is a play running at Everyman theater, next to the Charles, about Grovers Corners. Oh, yes, Our Town. I am so touched and I cry and am awed every time I see it. It really engages me emotionally and spins me around real good. But it does not really give me a direction.
This morning I was looking at the available MP3 downloads. I found this list in the category of New Self Development Downloads:
The Art of Aging
Become Who You Were Meant To Be.
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness
How to Know God By Deepak Chopra
How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci
One Month to Live
The Path to Love, another by Deepak Chopra
The Sexy Years Ah, that one is by Suzanne Somers
The Thing About Life is That One Day You’ll Be Dead.
Another piece of inspiration for today’s reflection came from Dr. Andrew Weil’s book, Healthy Aging. It has lots of good stuff, but nothing to talk about here until I came to his quotes of Kathleen Dowling Singh. Dr. Weil introduces her ideas with the following preface that I will leave you to ponder:
“It is not to late to take stock of our lives, even in the last weeks and days of terminal illness.
For those in the midst of life and the apparent safety and security of our health, it is not too early. No matter how much time we have left to live, the answers to the following questions, voiced in the quiet honesty of our own hearts, provide direction to the rest of our living:
You have to understand that Kathleen Singh is a hospice counselor, a death and dying counselor. She asks us to consider these questions:
Who have I been all this time?
How have I used my gift of a human life?
What do I need to “clear up” or “let go of” in order to be more peaceful?
What gives my life meaning?
For what am I grateful?
What have I learned of truth and how truthfully have I learned to live?
What have I learned of love and how well have I learned to love?
What have I learned about tenderness, vulnerability, intimacy, and communion?
What have I learned about courage, strength, power, and faith?
What have I learned of the human condition and how great is my compassion?
How am I handling my suffering?
How can I best share what I’ve learned?
What helps me open my heart and empty my mind and experience the presence of Spirit?
What will give me strength as I die? What is my relationship with that which will give me strength as I die?
If I remembered that my breaths were numbered, what would be my relationship to this breath right now?
Who am I?
In a moment we will hear a chime inviting us to meditation. I have chosen from Kathleen Singh topics. I suggest you carry into your meditation one of these:
How have I used my gift of a human life?
How am I handling my suffering?
What helps me open my heart; empty my mind and experience the presence of Spirit?
What gives my life meaning?
What do I need to “clear up” or “let go of” in order to be more peaceful?
