Connecting Through Laughter
I’d like to start with a quote by Voltaire:
.”God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”
I remember a time when I used to be too afraid to laugh. I wasn’t sure of anything - not myself, and definitely not who or what God was. I still don’t have a well defined explanation of “God”. I just know that things are thrown in people’s path, either by a God, the Universe, or Life in general, and we must deal with them. There are a multitude of ways we can handle these challenges. For me, I have learned that my best tool with which to deal with challenges is humor. Whatever struggles dealt to me by “God”, the Universe, or Life in general, well, along with those struggles, I was also dealt this sense of humor, along with my questions about my spirituality. Humor came first and has been the gateway to my spirituality. Without humor, I would not have been able to get to the place I am today. Without humor, I would not have discovered my spirit.
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Official Definition of “Therapeutic Humor” according to The Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH)
Any intervention that promotes health and wellness by stimulating a playful discovery, expression or appreciation of the absurdity or incongruity of life’s situations.
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This intervention may enhance health or be used as a complementary treatment of illness to facilitate healing or coping, whether physical, emotional, cognitive, social or spiritual.
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What is “Spirituality”
Spirituality is a way of life that is not religious, but honors the soul and the belief that there is more to life than physical things.
. . . . having to do with deep, sometimes religious, feelings and beliefs, including a person’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others and beliefs about the meaning of life.
To me, my sense of humor [has helped me develop my spirituality by allowing me to] connect with others on this Journey through life.
Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally and spiritually healthy
Laughter makes people feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps people find or maintain a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.
More than just a respite from sadness and pain, humor and laughter gives people the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope, and spirituality. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh-or even simply a smile-can go a long way toward making one feel better.
I remember a time when a smile went a long way. I was getting admitted to the hospital for a surgery, and there was a young boy there who was very nervous. He was coming in also, and he was very nervous because he was told that they would be taking blood from him. He had seen folks walk around with big bags of blood, and he thought that they’d take that much from him! He was concerned about that in addition to being concerned about the pain or discomfort of the actual act of drawing of blood. I talked to him, trying to reassure him that they don’t take big bags full at a time, they just take little tubes of blood. I also told him that it wasn’t really painful to have blood drawn, just a little pinch. In my case, I’m a phlebotomist’s dream. Drawing blood from me is easy and pretty painless. (heck, look at the roadmap of veins on my arms!) Well, this time, as the boy is watching me get my blood drawn, the person doing it was NOT very good, and it was pretty painful. So I’m sitting there with this young boy watching me, and I’m trying to show him how easy and painless it is, and the person drawing my blood, well, it must have been her first day, it is hurting me worse than any previous blood-draw I had ever had. I’m smiling, showing the boy that it’s simple, and I’m just thinking to myself, Oh, the irony!!!! Somebody up there has a sense of humor!!!!
I’ve learned that I can’t make it through a day without humor.
Everyone loves to laugh. Babies love to laugh. Babies laugh a lot. Babies laugh at the simplest of things. They laugh whenever they feel like it, until they get older and “learn” to not laugh so much. What a shame. In the past, I didn’t laugh much. I had to “learn” to laugh again.
Humor brings people together, brings them closer, joins them. The people in my life with whom I have become good friends are all people who laugh with me.
Like my good friend Steve, sitting here in the front row. I met him at a Peace March, and he had made me laugh all day. After the March, we went and grabbed dinner together, because I just wasn’t ready to go home yet, still feeling excited from the day. We laughed all through dinner, and then he said that he needed to get home, he was afraid his dog would piddle on the rug. His dog, a cute little Miniature Pinscher, had been home alone all day, and Steve was worried that there would be something to clean up, with Boris being locked inside all day. Of course, Steve said he had to go a number of times, but we just kept joking around, further delaying his return to Boris. Well, we finally left, and I rushed home, and looked up his phone number, and called his home. I knew he wouldn’t have gotten home yet, he had farther to drive to get home. I was calling to talk to Boris. I wanted him to hear me talking into the answering machine, with a very important message. I told Boris to hold it in a little longer, Daddy’s coming, Boris, don’t piddle on the rug, Boris, cross your little legs Boris, Daddy’s coming Boris, he’s almost home Boris, don’t piddle on the rug, Daddy’s almost there . . . .
Well, Steve got home, and listened to the message. He called me back and said “That was soooome message you left!” I could just hear his eyes rolling over the phone. I guess I amused him as much as he amused me. So what started as two people marching together, grew into a very good friendship. I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to pursue the friendship if we hadn’t laughed together so much. I’m so glad that humor brought us together, because he has become such a good friend to me, a very big support to me. He has helped me so much, and I value our relationship so much.
People tell me that I’m funny. I’m starting to believe them, since I do notice that folks often laugh when I make a silly or witty comment or observation. I remember a time when I didn’t even realize that I was funny! I just thought I had all these crazy thoughts bouncing around in my head. I never said them out loud, because I wasn’t sure how they’d make me seem to other people.
I used to be painfully shy. Yes, actual physical, as well as emotional, pain. I was very uncomfortable around people. I never felt like I fit in. I just didn’t have the confidence that anything I would say would be “acceptable” to the people around me.
Humor has helped me get beyond that fear.
I remember one time, I was in a room full of people, a support group environment.
Sometimes I crack jokes that are under most people’s radar . . . I’m just amusing myself. One time I cracked one of those jokes, and someone really enjoyed it, laughed out loud. I looked over at her, and said to myself “I’ve got to get to know her better”
I figured, if she got my humor, we just might be good friend material.
I started by offering Frances a ride home, because she didn’t have a car. Then I started to offer to take her to the grocery store on the way home, so she wouldn’t have to carry her groceries on the bus. We ended up laughing our way through the grocery store. Laughing at spelling or grammatical errors in the signage in the produce section. Laughing at some of the ridiculous items, or placement of such items.
I remember driving down Wisconsin Avenue in DC, with chocolate chip cookies that had been in my car, sitting in the hot sun in the summer, melting the chocolate chips into pure wonderful goo. Frances and I were eating them, and heartily enjoying them, moaning together in sheer enjoyment, like those ridiculous shampoo commercials from a few years back. Those commercials showed women waaaay too excited over shampoo. We were eating those cookies, laughing, thoroughly enjoying ourselves and the moment. It made a lot more sense to show such joy over warm, melty chocolate chip cookies than something as bland as “shampoo”
I think it was just what we needed, after leaving the support group and the heaviness that came with it.
Frances and I became very good friends, helping each other through . . .
situations and shopping trips . . . . ,
mundane and mindless . . . . ,
humor and helping.
What started with a single joke . . . . grew into something very powerful. A friendship that cemented two people together to help each other through some rough times.
One time, I was hanging out with a very new friend, Marion. I had just met her recently, at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner. We bonded immediately when someone mentioned “duct tape” and we both chuckled, and, we found out that we both absolutely loved a television show called “Red Green” that would show up on Public Television occasionally. Marion invited me over to watch her DVD’s of the program. We were watching the show, laughing, and commenting on our particular favorite bits. We spent some time talking, I mentioned that I used to be painfully shy, and she, as someone who still struggles with shyness, asked me how I went from extreme shyness to the outgoing person that she met. Well, the first thing out of my mouth was “LSD” - we both laughed at that, and then, being an acronym aficionado, I made up something that LSD could stand for - and I blurted out “Long Suffering Drama”
Of course, that promoted more laughter. She asked if I had just made that up, or was that a line I use all the time. I had in fact just made it up. Sometimes the humor just pops out from these little joke-tellers sitting around in the back of my head. But, when I thought about it, I realized, hmmmm, that might really be a good way to respond to the question! I had definitely been through some rough times.
I’ve been through numerous rough situations. As someone with a number of health issues, my life has not been easy. In the past, I didn’t have any support system to speak of. No family, no real friends. Before I realized what a great benefit humor was, I was just alone in my misery.
Yet, even at death’s door, I cracked jokes. One time I was having a discussion with a doctor, and I was in sooo much pain. I had been in great pain for a long while . . . and I was just telling him that I was tired of the pain and misery. I just wanted it to end. and he asked me if I was thinking of “euthanasia” I said, no, I’m thinking of “adults in Europe”
I don’t think he got it right away, but when he did, he realized, “yup, that’s Regina!”
Another time that humor served a healing purpose . . . .
One time, I was in the hospital, and I had as a roommate someone with a particular diagnosis, one that I eventually also ended up with. I had a friend visiting me, and the three of us were all sitting there, with a couple of other folks, and we started cracking jokes about the situation. We were all laughing, and my roommate commented that she had never laughed about this before. I asked her if she wanted us to stop making jokes, and she said no. She said that she just had never thought to laugh about this before. I think we showed her a new coping mechanism that day. We helped her find a new tool for her Journey through this life.
When I first started coming to Journeys, I connected to some folks right away, the people with whom I laughed easily. I didn’t really have much contact with Val, so I just didn’t really get to know her too well. That all changed one night, after I joined the Creative Team. Jane had been talking to me about pet-sitting her dog while Jane recovered from surgery. Jane had told me about the dog’s needs, and I was fine with everything entailed in caring for her dog. One night, after a Creative Team meeting, Jane mentioned, “Oh, I also have two cats, that won’t be a problem will it?”
I responded immediately with “Oh, no problem, they make a nice stew!”
Immediately after saying it, I panicked, Val is a veterinarian!!! She’s gonna think I’m horrible! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!
But, surprise, surprise, Val laughed first, and hardest.
As for spirituality and humor, well, there are so many unanswered questions about spirituality.
In searching for answers, our thought processes, and how we see things, how we choose to view things, can help us see the humor in situations can help lead us through whatever spiritual journey we take through this life.
Friedrich Nietzche said:
“Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.”
A number of great thinkers have remarked that laughter is connected to suffering. I know that’s true in my case. I am so thankful that I have learned the real gift of humor - its ability to heal and connect me with others.
And to bring this reflection full-circle, I’d like to close with the quote from Voltaire that I opened with:
“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”
Well, I’m no longer afraid to laugh. No matter what God throws in my path, on this Journey through Life.
