Winter, a time for reflection and rebirth

December 6, 2010

 

            As I feel winter approaching I am usually in a frenzy of activity trying to finish up all the things that need to be done to the house, the yard, and the cars to fortify them for winter.  I feel the need to have additional supplies on hand in case we get a lot of snow and I start to crave hearty foods.  By the time I finally wind up my list, I am taking ibuprofen because I have strained muscles in my lower back and that is actually what lets me know that I am finally done.

            I actually love the frozen beauty of the winter landscape, but it invariably signals a return to my inner life and the process of making it through the long dark nights of winter. The short days make the experience of leaving for work and returning home in darkness seem almost surreal.   Activities that would normally anchor my day are temporarily disabled such as gardening, sitting outside with my morning coffee, and walking in the evening. 

Winter does provide the perfect environment to quiet the mind from the constant push of our culture to achieve ever greater things. The increasing darkness seems to invite examination of self and finding a mood that draws me inward towards clarity and understanding. I seem to spend more time alone and like the quietness of it.  Often I will go to bed early because I love the feel of my bed linens and its warmth and comfort.  I enjoy feeling cocooned and protected.  Sometimes I just want to settle down next to the fire, with a big bowl of hot soup or chili and my two cats.  It is so dark out there and all that I want is in here.

Pages: 1 2

Journeys Community Nov. 18, 2010

Paul Shoffeitt

 

When I was growing up we lived in Atlanta.  The church my family attended had a program one year encouraging all the members to read the entire Bible over the course of a year.  My mom and dad decided that we would do this as a family.  At the end of the year the Atlanta Constitution published a story about the program and carried a picture of the youngest and the oldest participant.  I was the youngest.

 

While I’m sure I slept through a great deal of the family reading sessions, I can remember either waking up or coming to attention when one night my father read the passage from one of the epistles which reads, “In all things give thanks.”

 

I remember thinking, whoa, wait a minute, did I hear that right, in all things?

If it had read, “In all things happy and successful give thanks” it wouldn’t have hit me like it did.  But to give thanks for things not so good, things sad and disappointing in a major way, to give thanks for such things and times, I thought, come on, really!

 

 

I think there are some pretty good, high return things to do everyday.  Exercise is one, eating well is another, and saying “thank you” as many times as you can is one of the more important ones.  And among the objects of our gratitude I think thanking God is particularly good for us, and remembering that God is everywhere.  He is in your friend, in the stranger you meet, in your spouse so you thank God when you thank them.

 

I’ve noticed that God gets thanked a lot.  I hear a lot of “thank God” expressions everyday and I particularly hear a lot of athletes thanking God.

I remember being a little disappointed last year watching TV when I heard one of the Auburn football players being interviewed after a game they’d won (you know Auburn is my team; it’s where I grew up) and he said that he first wanted to thank God for giving them the victory.  Up to that point I didn’t know God was an Auburn fan.  And I wouldn’t have guessed it given the fact that Auburn had lost the three previous games.

 

I thought about it and what I would have preferred to hear was a player being interviewed after loosing a game and thanking God for the experience of playing the game.

 

I believe, like most people, that gratitude should follow the experience of pleasant events; I mean I like to hear “thank you” when someone opens a door for somebody.  I believe that expressing gratitude is one of the best ways to give vent to emotions of joy and feelings of having been extended care and good fortune.

 

We should be grateful when acts of kindness and love and fortunate events come our way.  But I think there’s an even more important venue for gratitude, for giving thanks and that venue is when things don’t go so well; times when we don’t win; times when we loose the game.  Counter intuitive as it may seem, I think gratitude is especially important at such times and I think it can serve us particularly well in these times. 

 

And so this morning I want to remind you of the good that gratitude can offer you not just on the days when you win the game but especially on the days when you loose, when the unwanted, the unexpected happens, even in times when the thing most dreaded happens.

 

 

 

If in fact there is something good, something to be thankful for, in all the times of our lives, then going in search of such things is a good approach to dealing with the situations we encounter.  I’ve tried this approach.  In the happy celebratory times, it’s really easy.  Some of the things I am grateful for are very obvious.  I’m screaming in joy because my team just scored.  I know what there is to be grateful for.  It’s staring me in the face.

 

But in the tough times, the really dreaded times, when something unimaginably awful has happened, I have to tell you the first thing that comes to my mind isn’t joy and gratitude.  And in the aftermath of the awful don’t tell me to be grateful.  I quite frankly am anything but grateful. 

 

Where gratitude has served me when the dreaded has happened is later, later when I’m trying to go on living after the catastrophe.  Because, sad as it may feel when we are reeling from a hard blow, life does go on.  It may feel like it is over.  We may even in part wish it was over but it isn’t.  Life goes on and it goes on with the heavy load of having to cope with the challenges we have faced. 

 

Tough times, really tough times like when we loose someone or something that we have treasured change us.  We are never again the same.  We stagger under such blows.  We grieve and struggle.  And we go on never more the same, either permanently reduced and bitter; less, much less than we were or we go on somehow wiser, tempered and stronger, and while forever sad, also forever stronger. 

 

Gratitude, the ability to find the good that still exists after the storm has left us devastated, is the difference maker.  It’s what determines whether the inevitable storms of life will end us or somehow enable us to go forward, begin again, continue the journey, find new ways to live well.

 

 

 

I don’t know all of you very well.  But I know since you are living and breathing that, like me, you have had your losses.  All of us have.  All of us have what the apostle Paul called  “thorns in the flesh.”  We’ve known hurt and loss, illness and misfortune.  And we live with these losses.  I get up everyday and face a decision whether to live with the pain of an arthritic ankle or the fog that medicines designed to control that pain give me.  Not a moment goes by when I don’t think about and miss my dear loved ones who died so young and left me so lonely.  None of us live charmed lives.  Some face enormous difficulty and sorrow.  Others of us face challenges that measured against the horrors many experience may not seem so great.  I mean we don’t live in Darfur.  We’re not homeless children living on the streets of Calcutta.   But we still have our struggles.  Some of them are huge.  Others seem huge and can just as easily take us down and cause us the kind of despair that robs life of its gift status.  But there’s good news here, gratitude can keep this kind of despair from permanently overtaking us.

 

 

I recently saw the movie, “Things we lost in the fire.”  I wasn’t prepared for this movie and it knocked the props out from under me.  I so identified with Halle Barry’s character and the loss of her spouse.  There was a scene in the movie where this character finally let go and gave vent to the powerful emotions her husband’s death caused.  And she cried.  She literally wailed with hurt and outrage and I saw myself and such times that I had done the same thing.  Times when I cried out with powerful raw and overwhelming emotions, outrage, injustice, fear, no, no, no, not this, not this, please not this.

 

We never say thank you to these events but if we are to go on living we eventually have to come home to gratitude.  Not for the awful events, not for our losses but for life itself, mysterious and incomprehensible as it is and even gratitude for some of the ways the storm we have endured has changed us.

 

Gratitude, giving thanks for life, is how we go on and it’s how we continue to be washed with all of the good that was before the loss and all the good that is still here and available to us.  Garth Brooks, in his song, said it well.  “I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance.”

 

 

Remember the pilgrims who inspired this season when we give special attention to being thankful. Remember they didn’t start this business of thanksgiving after a winning season.  They had a season where a large percentage of their number had not survived the voyage to the new world.  And most of those who did died within a few months following their arrival.  Each of their days was marked with illness and death.  They were surrounded by hostile natives.  They were cold and hungry.  By the standard of most, their brave venture had been an utter disaster.

 

And what did they do?  They took hold of gratitude and continued to claim life as a gift.  And this gratitude, this attitude of thankfulness oriented them to the good in all that had been, the good that still was and all the good that could yet come to be.

 

That’s what I think we should do, not just when things go well but also when things don’t.  We should claim this attitude of gratitude.  We should always come home to gratitude.

 

So while I don’t pay particular attention to athletes thanking God for giving them the victory, I do pay attention to those who following difficult losses eventually come home to gratitude.

 

A couple of years ago when the CMA, country music association, awards show aired I noticed something unusual and special.  In addition to learning of another great country music song title which was “I Finally Am Able to Forget Ole What’s Her Name,” I saw something happen that was remarkable.  The award for the best songwriter was given for a song entitled, “Give It Away.”  It told a sad story of a divorce and how she didn’t want special items, a ring, a bed, a picture taken on their honeymoon.  “Just give it away,” she’d say, “Just give it away.” 

 

Well, three men had collaborated on the writing of this song and they each spoke, you know the way they do on these award shows.  The last man to speak was a young man, not as well dressed as his older colleagues, and he stunned the audience with what he said.  He said that he wanted to thank his ex-wife.  The audience laughed, thinking he was making a joke, given the content of the song.  But as he continued to speak their laughter turned nervous and eventually stopped as he said how grateful he was for this woman, what a fine person and mother she was and how she had blessed his life.

 

Yeah, I thought.  That’s the kind of interview that touches me.  Tell me about goodness. Tell me about the good in what was lost.  Tell me how, wounded as you are, you’re still fueled by gratitude.  That speaks to me.  That lights my way.

 

A few years ago there was a popular song with the line, “God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.  We all travel broken roads.  Somehow I think this must be the design the Giver of life intended, but you and I are still here and still choosing to travel these broken roads and as mysterious as it is, like the pilgrims, I know of no better attitude to travel with than that of gratitude.  It’s by far the best default attitude we could possibly adopt.  Expecting to find on the road ahead additional times, moments, events to be grateful for is the best orientation to the life journey.

 

And so I stand before you today, someone whose life is not set, not by common standards of what it means to have it made, someone with difficulties and pain and I’m here to tell you I am one grateful person.  I am so grateful for the gift of life.  I have so much to be thankful for.  If my life ended this very moment I would feel enormously blessed, grateful beyond words.

 

 

The other day I was heard from a friend, a cancer survivor and she said something amazing.  She said, “I can honestly say that my illness enriched my life.  Even before I knew I was going into remission I was aware that my life had changed for the better.  And while I can’t say that I am glad that I got sick, I can say without doubt I am grateful for what it gave me.”

 

And so, here we are, you and I.  We’ve had joy and we’ve had pain and if we can say we are the better for both, then good.  We will continue to know joy and pain.  My wish for us is that we can continue to be the better for having experienced both and therefore, maybe not right away, but in time, give thanks in all things.

 

Prayer

We thank You God for life.  And as we thank You for life we are aware that we are thanking You for something we don’t even understand.  But it just feels right and we seem to thrive when we are grateful.  It’s the best way we know to make life the gift You offer us.

Amen

 

When I was working I traveled all the time.  One day, in a far away city where I was working I was invited to join a family at a birthday party they were giving for their seven-year-old son.  It was the custom in this family to only have one present on your birthday.  Mom and dad would give one present to each child on their birthday.

 

It was a wonderful party and when the much anticipated time came to open the gift, the birthday boy begin to tear at the wrapping and pull at the ribbons all the while saying over and over again, “Thank you mom, thank you dad, thank you mom, thank you dad.”  Finally an uncle hearing the thank you, thank you, thank you, commented, “Tommy you’re saying thank you over and over and you don’t even know what it is.”  And the little boy looked up and confidently said, “You’re right but I know who it’s from.  I know who gave it to me.”

 

Isn’t that like us and the gift of life?  We tear at the wrappings and ribbons of life, living into the gift, excited and grateful even knowing we don’t understand anything close to all of the mystery we have been given.  And we do this, we live with gratitude and excitement not because we know what the gift is all about, but because we know who it’s from.  We know who gave it to us.  It was the One called love.

 

 

 

 

 

“In the beginning was Sound, and the sound was with God and the sound was God… All things were made by Sound, In Sound was life;  and the life was light of men.” 

 You probably are more familiar with this Bible verse as:

 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. …. All things were made by him; … In him was life; and the life was the light of men. (John 1: 1-4, King James Version)

But in the original Greek text, legos meant not only, “Word” it also meant sound or vibration.   For me, it makes more sense that in the beginning there was a vibration.  In fact, the creation stories that begin the western traditions of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity all imply an “a priori”, a movement or vibration.

 Today, physicists, attempting to determine the precise nature of matter, have probed deeper into the realms of atomic and subatomic behavior, only to find that there is no ‘thing” there in the sense in which we normally think of matter. They describe the tiniest subatomic particles as ‘interference patterns of various sound frequencies. “They call them ‘nodes of resonance.”

In essence, every Thing is a made of vibration. 

Today we’re going to be talking about vibration in the form of music and its ability to heal us both physically and spiritually.  Without a doubt, music has a profound impact on our lives, and as you saw in the quotes this morning, music is being used all over the world in very unique ways, as a means to decrease stress and improve quality of life for all living creatures.   

You would think, being a musician, I would have no difficulty preparing a talk on the healing nature of music.  But in fact, my life is so intertwined with music, and I am so fascinated by the subject, I found it difficult to focus on what I thought were the most important elements to address today.  Finally, I remembered that all I needed to do was tell my story.  After all, that’s what we do here at Journeys, we share our stories, and I do have stories of both physical and spiritual healing through music to share.

Interestingly, the word “heal” in Middle English means “to make sound” - the word “sound” being synonymous with health and wholeness, as in being of sound mind and sound body.   Physical healing through music is done traditionally through “music therapy”.  The list of ailments music therapy is used for is endless.  Everything from acute pain, depression, and even neurological disorders, such as autism are being treated using music therapy, and with surprising results.

I was introduced to music therapy about 8 years ago when I was researching therapies to help my autistic son.  I found a place in Bethesda MD, The Spectrum Center, that used a type of listening therapy developed by Dr. Alfred Tomatis, the world’s leading authority on the healing affects of music.  For patients with speech, language and motor deficits like my son, the Tomatis method retrains the inner ear by having patients listen to the sound of  voices and classical music as if they were in utero.  In other words, it’s recreating the auditory experience of the womb.

 

When I started my son on this program, he walked up and down steps having to place both feet on each steps.  On the 5^th day, as we were returning to our car, Nicholas ran up the steps of the parking garage.  I knew immediately that the therapy was working.   We followed up the intense music therapy at the center with daily at-home sessions of listening to Mozart.  Over time, the traditional autistic traits of hand flapping and tip-toe walking were gone and I’m happy to say, my now 13 year old son, though not cured of his autism, was healed at some level and is living a much different life than the one I imagined for him when he was first diagnosed. 

 

Over the 50 years Dr.Tomatis studied the healing affect of music on our bodies, he tried every type of music imaginable and continually returned to Mozart, particularly his violin concertos, which he found had the greatest healing potential for the human body.   

 

In a few moments, we will play a Mozart violin concerto for you, but before we do that, I’d like us to kick things off this morning with a group sing-a-long - because singing, just like a healthy dose of Vitamin C, actually boosts our immune system.  It also relaxes our muscles, particularly in our throat and jaw, releases endorphins and deepens our breathing - all things that make us feel good.  So we’re going to sing “You Are My Sunshine” together, but first, I want to tell you a touching story about this song. 

There was a family in Knoxville, Tennessee and when the mother was pregnant with her second child, her 3 year old song Michael would sing “You Are My Sunshine” every night to his unborn sister was born.  During the birth, there were complications and the infant was rushed to a neonatal ICU.   The doctors all said that the baby would not survive. 

 

After 2 weeks of asking to see his little sister, the parents put scrubs on their son and took him in to the ICU.  The medical staff was angry because a 3 yr. old had been admitted to the unit, but his mother refused to remove him, saying, “He is not leaving until he sings to his sister.”  Michael made his way to the bassinet that held his little sister and began to sing;  “you are my sunshine my only sunshine…”  

 

Woman’s Day magazine later called it the “miracle of a brother’s song.”  The doctors just called it a miracle.  The next day, when they might have been planning a funeral, they took Michael’s little sister home.  She had responded immediately to the familiar voice of her brother. 

 

[Sing “You Are My Sunshine”]

 

 

 

Now we’re ready to listen to some Mozart. Get comfortable in your seats.

 

So how does listening to music help to heal our bodies?  Well, the vibrations of the music come into contact with the vibrations of our bodies and various things can happen.  Heart rate can increase or decrease, body temperature can increase or decrease, and hormones and endorphins can be released all depending on the type of music you are listening to.  The vibrations of music even affect us at a cellular level.   

 

So as you listen to Mozart’s violin concerto No. 2, I want you to close your eyes and pay close attention to how your body feels.  Pay attention to where your mind wanders.   If you have a particular ailment you might want to put your hand there and imagine the vibration of the music focused on that area.  I’m not promising a cure for whatever ails you, but your muscles might relax, and endorphins may be released.  Who knows?  Let’s give it a try.   We’re going to start in silence, the piece will play, and then we’ll just take a few more moments of silence.

 

[Play Mozart]

 

 

 

Now, I want to talk about what music, singing in particular, does for me personally.   I’ve been asked quite a few times about why I’m compelled to sing, and how does singing to an audience make me feel, and I’ve always struggled to articulate an answer.   Then in the process of working on this service, I had the most beautiful revelation.  I realized that my singing to all of you, is a mechanism that allows us all to connect and experience oneness. 

 

I’ve come to realize is that when I sing, I’m not just tapping into that source of spirit within, but I’m extending that source energy out to you, out into the collective consciousness.  

 

According to Sufi Master Hazrat Inayat Khan:

“Man is not only formed of vibrations, but he lives and moves in them; they surround him as the fish is surrounded by water, and he contains them within him as the tank contains the water. His different moods, inclinations, affairs, successes and failures, and all conditions of life depend upon a certain activity of vibration, whether these be thoughts, emotions, or feelings.”

 

 

Using the Sufi’s imagery of being surrounded by an ocean of vibrations, when I sing, the vibrations of my voice go out into this ocean, or the collective consciousness, still connected to me, like a hand reaching out across this ocean of energy waves.  And when you are listening and enjoying the music you are also sending energy out into this ocean.  Your energy meets up with mine, and in that moment we are all one.   We are experiencing oneness.

 

This is why the experience of singing to an audience, for me, is so joyful, blissful and euphoric.  It is the experience of oneness.  Who wouldn’t want to feel this? 

 

 

Now Dave and I are going to do a few songs for you; songs that are particularly meaningful to me.  And I’d like you to just listen and feel the music; you might want to close your eyes.  There will be no words on the screen. 

 

And as you listen, I would love it if you met me somewhere out here in the middle.

 

When I told my mother that I wanted to sing professionally, her response was, “Okay, sing me a song”,  and I sang “Wind Beneath My Wings”.  When I had finished she smiled and said, “Let’s go over to your grandfathers house so you can sing it for him.”   It wasn’t until I was thinking about this now all these year later, that I realized that it wasn’t just my voice she wanted him to hear.  She wanted him to hear the words.  She really loved her father.  He truly was her hero.

 

[Perform “Wind Beneath My Wings”]

 

The next song, “I Don’t Know Why”, was something I was asked to sing a couple of weeks ago for someone whose husband had just had a stroke.  She was speaking about the experience to her spiritual group and she wanted the song performed to support her message. These words, she felt, expressed how she was feeling.  As I rehearsed the song, the words resonated with me as well and really captured how I feel about living with my son’s autism, and I think it’s a good message for how we should deal with any of life’s challenges.

 

[Perform “I Don’t Know Why”]

 

The first two songs, in different ways, allowed me to be a participate in and witness other’s spiritual and emotional healing, and these songs will always be special to me.   Every once in a while though, a song comes along that I am so drawn to that I have to listen to it over and over again until I’ve completely devoured it.   It’s a luxurious experience for me.  I’m not sure how I’m benefitting from the song, but I have to believe endorphins are being released when I get this way over a song.   This is a song you are all familiar with, though arranged a little differently.  Unlike “Wind Beneath My Wings”, which is a soaring ballad, this songs beauty is in it’s simplicity and restraint.   I hope you enjoy it. 

 

[Perform “Can’t Help Falling In Love”]

 

 

 

Now I’d like to tell you about a man named William Gladstone.  I heard him being interviewed recently about a book he had written called “The Twelve”.

 

When William Gladstone was 15 years old, he went to the doctors with a bad flu.  He was given a shot of penicillin and within moments died.  His heart stopped beating.   This is an abbreviated version of how he described his near death experience:

 

“…he was suddenly in a state of bliss. … He was a creature of pure light, floating with other light beings in the brightest glow he’d ever known.  His body pulsated with love….He entered a state of complete euphoria.

 

… He had a sense of beings he had known long ago, who surrounded him with  love and greeted him as if he were a dear friend or a relative now returned home.

 

It was a state of quiet calm, euphoric yet still, gentle yet pulsating with joy – active and effortless movement without constriction of any kind – a sense of self, but without a physical body.

 

He moved enthusiastically toward the tunnel of light. 

 

As he did, his floating consciousness was distracted by a series of loud noises, and his attention was drawn to a man flushed with emotion and fear.  …. He wondered why the man was so upset, then realized that the man was his doctor and he was distressed  because the body wasn’t responding to his attempts to resuscitate.

 

Then he saw that it was his own body that lay there.   Disturbed by the doctor’s anxious state, he made a conscious decision to return. 

 

…in a courageous act of selflessness, he turned away from the tunnel of light that offered what seemed a familiar comfortable world and returned to the human drama of being [William Gladstone].”

 

This event shaped the course of his life.  I heard him explain in an interview, that at first, he kept this all to himself.  Then he started collecting stories of people who had had the same experience.  He’s collected thousands over the years.  He became fascinated with ancient cultures and wisdom and got a degree in Anthropology from Harvard in addition to his degree in Literature from Yale.  He’s now an author and a literary agent, but more importantly he believes it is his calling to help the world evolve to a higher consciousness. 

 

He wrote this book because he believes, as all the major and minor religions have prophesized, that we are headed into a new era, in or around the year 2012.   But unlike Christian prediction of fire and brimstone, he believes what Mayan elders and scholars of the Mayan Calendar have predicted.  He writes:

“According to Mayan Elders and scholars who have studied the Mayan calendar,  December 21, 2012 is.. the beginning of a new era.  This new era will have a different vibration from the present era. Greed and materialism will have a lesser role in this new era.  There will be a greater emphasis on harmony among all living beings.  Individuals may or may not perceive specific changes in their lives on December 21, 2012 but the changes will be enormous and grow over time.

 

Some scholars believe there will be specific galactic changes and even an altering of the magnetic and electronic poles of the earth.  The majority of true Mayan experts do not believe that the changes will be in the form of upheavals that are harmful to the planet or human beings.

 

The Mayan Elders believe there is free will and, just as in my novel, The Twelve, that humanity will choose its destiny on December 21, 2012.  The decisions and affirmations you make can create the tipping point that can lead to planetary harmony.  The choice is yours.”

 

And what does this have to do with music and healing?

 

Well, at the end of the interview, he was asked, “What can each of us do to help evolve the world to this higher level of consciousness?”  He replied simply and without hesitation, “Live a joyful life”.  Not one that is at the expense of anyone else, but a joyful life that comes from following your heart and giving to others.

When we do this we create powerful positive vibrations that help heal and move the world forward in its evolution.”

 

Now, I don’t know if there is any significance to December 21, 2012, but I loved his message.  It’s not only positive and hopeful – it’s doable.   

 

So through music, I am living my life of joy, helping to heal the world in my own small way.  Your joy may not be music, but whatever it is, your responsibility, and mine, is to continue this joyful living, and to help others on their path to joyful living.  I hope in some small way I’ve done that today. 

 

Namaste

 

 

 

Hold On Wait a MinuteIt was last Christmas and all of my children, including my two adopted children, were home. They are wonderful late twenties young people and over the days we were together we found ourselves involved in some great conversations. One of them had to do with living life creatively. They were reflecting on the road ahead and thinking about how to make it a good journey. To a person they spoke about being open to the unexpected, the moments that present themselves often when we are busy with an agenda, going about completing a to do list; the kind of moments that try to interrupt us and alter our agenda and to do list, moments that offer an incredible richness to our lives if we are able to embrace them with a “Hold on, Wait a Minute” response.

Brad and Anda had recently had such a moment to which they had responded this way. Both had zipped through their professional training. Bad is a CPA and Anda a lawyer. Both had great jobs with all kinds of promise in their respective careers. They had a nice home with a swimming pool in an upscale Arizona community.

But one day they decided to pause and look at their lives, to stop the rush down the road they were on and think hard about how they were living. Out of that hold on wait a minute moment they made a decision to embrace an adventure, to quit their jobs, sell their house and set out on an odyssey to build a microbrewery. So off to Germany they went to brew master school and as we sat and talked they were moving down this exciting life path born out of a hold on wait a minute moment in their lives.

All of them talked about how they didn’t want to measure their lives against the traditional so-called good life template; the traditional conformist life path markers like career, mortgage, acquisitions. All of them talked about living consciously, consciously enough to be able to recognize opportunities to modify the to do list or even abandon it all together and set out on an unanticipated path.

All of them recognized, even at their young ages, how incredibly tenuous and short this life venue is.

I told them that my wish for them was that they find themselves unable to predict the courses of their lives; that they recognize the beauty in being unable to fully know from a distance the road ahead; that part of the life gift is the opportunity to embrace the unexpected, and depart from time to time from the path and the items on the to do list of their lives.

The film clip today is from the movie “The Blind Side.” Many of you saw this movie and know about the powerful true story it tells. A family on the way home from a school play notices a homeless young man. It is a cold rainy night. They stop and invite him to come home with them. He does and becomes part of their family and finds the love and respect that enables him to be successful. He blesses the lives of these people who stopped in a “hold on wait a minute” moment and reached out to him.

There’s a wonderful story in the Bible about this sort of thing. Maybe you remember it, the story of the Good Samaritan. You remember how a traveler had been beaten and robbed and left on the side of the road. You remember how a Priest and another man had passed him, thought about helping him but, pressed by the to dos on their lists, had moved on without pausing to assist him. And then the Samaritan came upon him and responded with a hold on wait a minute response and ministered to the needs of this unfortunate one.

I’m sure he was just as busy. I’m sure his list of things to do was just as long but he was able to set aside his current plans, modify his to do list and set off on an unanticipated new adventure.

I like to think, as Paul Harvey use to say, that there is a “rest of the story” or sequel to the Good Samaritan story. And I like to think it has to do with the marvelous way this act of embracing a hold on wait a minute moment changed the course of this one’s life. I can well imagine that the Good Samaritan’s life wasn’t the same from this moment forward and that his life was enriched by his hold on wait a minute response.

I believe such is always the case. I believe all of us are blessed with opportunities to say, as the good Samaritan said, and as the woman in the video today said, “hold on wait a minute”. And I believe when we seize these opportunities and indeed do say “hold on wait a minute” that our lives are forever changed for the better.

I know that’s been true for me.

It was just a few short years ago that strangers stopped in to my farm one-day inquiring whether I would rent out my barn. I had just finished having it remodeled specifically to accommodate my anticipated use of it. Somehow I was impressed by the genuineness and goodness of these people. After first responding no I didn’t have anything for rent, I thought more about it and recognized that before me was the potential for a hold on wait a minute response. And I claimed that response and in so doing welcomed some wonderful new people, Melia and her family, dear friends now, into my life.

Not long ago that same sort of opportunity for a hold on wait a minute response presented again. Through an edit of the to do list of my life I found another now dear friend who shares the same sort of passion that I have for horses. She comes often to the farm and has helped me continue to enjoy my love for carriage driving.
For me, I have to say that while like most of you, I try to get a sense of where I am going, what lies ahead, I have to say I have consistently been wrong when I’ve tried to predict the places my life will take me. There are so many things, events, circumstances, experiences, people I could never have anticipated encountering. And I have to say that some of the best experiences I have had have been the experiences that started with an interruption to my plans to which I responded with hold on wait a minute.

I have a childhood friend with whom I was discussing my preparation for today’s service, you know this whole business of changing courses, embracing the unexpected situations of life. If anyone I have ever known is the embodiment of not doing this sort of thing it would be this friend. From an early age he mapped out the course of his life in great detail and fiercely set out to see that every aspect of the plan was implemented. Now in the closing chapters of the journey he finds himself strangely dissatisfied with the successful implementation of his carefully thought out plan.

In an email the other day he said, “Tell them about me. If anyone was ever an example of the two that passed by the one in need on the road to Samaria it was me. I let nothing, no matter how compelling, take me away from checking off the items on my well thought out to do list.”

“I thought I could anticipate, know in advance, the good life. Truth is,” he said, “The good life is full of things impossible to anticipate; things, people, circumstances born out of surprise and open to us only through a willingness to live in a way where we notice what’s around us and what opportunity we thus have to take off in an unplanned direction. I rigidly avoided the opportunity inherent in such moments and my life is the poorer for it.”

I saw an interview on television the other day about two remarkable men. They shared a story about a powerful hold on wait a minute moment that had taken place in their lives several years ago. These two brothers in Ireland were having a drink at their local bar back in the 1990’s when news of the conflict in Bosnia was being reported. Watching those awful scenes of human suffering, these two brothers had a hold on wait a minute moment and decided to try to do something to help those who were caught up in this conflict. They sold their homes and belongings and bought several tractor-trailer loads of food, rented trucks and drove them into the area where people were in desperate need for food.

Upon arriving back home news of their actions had started to spread and others came forward offering assistance. Today, operating out of a shed in their parents’ back yard, Mary’s Meals, the organization these brothers started, feeds 400,000 people every day around the world.

How about you? How wedded are you to your to do lists? Are you noticing opportunities to set the list, the plans, aside and say hold on wait a minute? And are you enriching your life by seizing these precious opportunities?

Well, what did you think of Mandelbrot’s fractal? The images we just saw were computer generated using a simple mathematical equation. What appeared to be movement was created by the equation causing energy patterns to flow through very tiny, evenly spaced points on the screen called pixels and making them glow.

What’s so important about fractals that we would want to do a service about them? Well for mathematicians it meant finally being able to visualize the possibility of infinity, once they had computers powerful enough to graph a very simple equation and repeat it billions of times. The result was a beautifully complex and complete form, which did not lose any of its essential character regardless of how infinitely large or infinitely small it became. Can you imagine how Mandelbrot felt the first time he thought that he was looking at infinity-and then to have it be so powerfully simple, visually stunning, and endless? There is not much space between infinity and eternity, which is why this particular fractal was dubbed “the thumb print of God.”

Suddenly fractal forms were being used to generate pictures of the galaxies, to create the next generation animation for films, and being identified in natural forms like trees, lightening, flowers, vegetables, ocean waves, crystals, and snowflakes. Whether we looked through a telescope at the cosmos or through a microscope at the world of the nano- sphere, that same elegant simplicity and incredible variety was all around us. I can understand why Pat Hollis felt that we should do a service on fractals, because they seem to be everywhere.

As I thought about how individual pixels related to the whole fractal, I thought here is a great model for our spiritual journey into the ultimate mystery of life. If you remember the Mandelbrot form, the largest piece of it is a bean-shaped black space or void, which could represent Source Energy or God. And this Source Energy has an outer active border or leading edge emanating from it, which could represent all of us as extensions of Source Energy. And this leading edge is constantly changing and morphing without losing any of its continuity with the whole, just as we are constantly experiencing life and growing and changing, because of that experience, and we also remain connected to the whole of humanity and to Source Energy.

If we think about connectedness-something we are always talking about at Journeys. We are all connected. We are all one. We say it, but we don’t always act like we mean it. For Oneness to be present there can be no separation. There can be no separation between my feelings and yours; no difference between the importance of my needs and yours; no value in my being right if it means that I make you wrong. In connectedness, we focus on what we have together and what is good, not what is missing and what is wrong. Oneness means looking at all of the diversity and seeing it as enriching not as creating separation or Otherness. Can you imagine what would happen to our fractal if we had maverick pixels- pixels wanting to emphasize their individuality rather than their connection, or decided that they didn’t like the pixels on either side?

The poet Rumi wrote:
“Out beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense.”

Honoring our connection, however, is not always easy. I have times when something feels so wrong and so uncomfortable that I just want it to stop. It isn’t that I have a need to be right; I’m just looking for relief. So what to do? Finding common ground is my first choice, but there are times when there doesn’t seem to be any common ground. That is when I have to go with the truth as I understand it and hope that through my intention to honor connection new possibilities will emerge. And if new possibilities are not forth coming, I hope that those who know me will understand that my intention is not meant to be hurtful. Ann O’Shaughnessy says that, “Speaking my truth or hearing another’s truth still makes my heart pound in my chest. But what I keep discovering is that truth coupled with love and grace has a magical quality-creating doors where there were only walls and providing light on a path once hidden.”

My spiritual journey has mostly been about increasing perception and awareness, about acquiring more knowledge and greater understanding, about personal growth and expansion. But I know that I am limited in my abilities by what comes into my personal space. I cannot know things outside of my experience, just as a pixel from the infinitely small cannot appreciate the perspective of a pixel from the infinitely big and vice versa. We are like pixels located on different aspects of a fractal image. Paradoxically, it is precisely what we do not know that puts us on the leading edge of creation and challenges us to take our thoughts to new places. Spiritual master all advocate appreciation for these leading edge experiences because of the growth it signifies.

Fractals also represent the constantly changing and expanding universe. Many of us don’t like change, especially if we are actually fortunate enough to have things pretty much the way we want them. It’s annoying to find that just when we really like the way life is going, and it’s just a matter of doing a little tweaking, things begin to change in a way that we do not want or like. On an intellectual level we know that we can only control our reaction to these changes, but that doesn’t stop us from resisting what is happening. Even though most of us know the axiom “what you resist persists” it can be so hard to stop these knee jerk reactions. So how do some people seem to find the rainbow in every situation? How do they keep from feeling so vulnerable or victimized by life’s curveballs? How do they continue to hold themselves in the vibration of peace and love despite what is going on around them?

When my associate packed her bags and moved on, without warning. I was hurt and caught off guard. Although I couldn’t really talk about it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? Why I didn’t see this coming? I was so wadded up in negative emotions that I was totally disconnected from Source. All those judgmental, critical, and angry thoughts were keeping me awake at night and from having any peace during the day. Eventually I realized that my thoughts were keeping me stuck in that terrible place. I couldn’t move on until I was ready to release my feelings about all of rightness and wrongness of it. I couldn’t get unstuck until I was willing to let go of any resentment I felt towards her as well as any attachment I had to a successful practice that included her. This was a slow and difficult process.

It took years before I could think about her and not have that flash of instant resentment and anger but eventually I reached the point of sacred neutrality, where I no longer associated any negative thoughts with her. I could think about her and still be at peace. Prior to that time, I had always said that I liked change because it is through change that we grow. But change that you choose is a far different experience from change that seems to come at you. Even if we really do create everything in our lives, change is much easier when you can face it without fear.
I had to acknowledge, almost begrudgingly, that my associate’s leaving had benefited me tremendously and caused a lot of personal growth. It forced me to the leading edge of thought; forced me rethink who I was in that situation; forced me to create a different practice model. And in so doing, I realized that I was actually just fine. By releasing all of that negativity I could move on to a new and more vibrant future.

Now whenever someone asks me if I regret building such a large hospital, considering the way things turned out, I am reminded of what Eckhart Tolle says. Mistakes that you learn from are no longer mistakes. You transform them from mistakes to expanding experiences when you grow through them. You transform yourself as you connect to your inner divinity or God-essence. You are different as a result of having had the experience.
Tolle also talks about the reality of being fully present and the world of no time. This world of no time is also the world of fractals, because fractal equations do not have an equal sign, they have a double arrow, which means that the equation will work in either direction simultaneously. That is why we can move from the infinitely large to the infinitely small and back again and remain in present time. This is the opposite of linear thought and linear time. So what happens when we stop our minds from engaging in linear thought and experience just being present?

Let’s try something. Close your eyes and say to yourself, “I wonder what my next thought is going to be.” Now become very alert and wait for the next thought. Be like a cat watching what thought is going to come out of the thought hole? . . . If you had to wait longer than you expected for that next thought, the gap or absence of thought was pretty intense wasn’t it? That state of quiet alertness is supposed to feel good. Zen masters use the word satori to describe such moments of no thought and total presence as a foreshadowing of or a taste of enlightenment.

To stay present in everyday life, it helps to inhabit your body fully and by that I mean having some body awareness to anchor you in the here and now. Teachers like Abraham-Hicks talk about paying attention to how you are feeling as being more important than any other tool for guidance. When you put your focus on how you are feeling right now it is almost impossible to reduce the present moment to just another stepping stone into the future.

There have been a few times in my life when I was in a perilous situation. What I noticed was that time seemed to expand. I was hyperaware of each second, which made it easier for me to stay in the moment and to focus on what I needed to do. I could feel the adrenaline flowing and yet I could remain calm. It was not until after the situation had passed that I thought about the danger. Perhaps it is this heightened awareness that keeps adrenaline junkies looking for the next big thrill. I’ll never be that extreme, but I do remember thinking how full those moments felt and wishing that I could bring some of that fullness into my everyday life.

Perhaps all that is required for a fuller expression of each moment is to be present without thinking about anything else except what is going on at this moment. If we think about our fractal, each pixel must show up and glow fully, without holding back, without hesitation, in order for the fractal pattern to flow as it should. In our life journey we need to show up and be fully present and when we do we feel the most alive and the most connected to Source.

Another concept I’d like to share is that of “taking the bounce.” What it means is that rather than thinking about and dwelling on what we don’t want, what we fear, or what we are trying to avoid we can take the bounce by creating and focusing on a positive version of that moment or situation. Let’s say for example that you have a friend who is unhappy and who comes to you complaining about what is wrong with his or her life. Rather than linking up with that negative energy, you take the bounce by offering a more positive scenario for that situation.
So if that person complains about the behavior of his or her children, you think about how we each create our own reality and that these children deserve the personal growth that comes as a result of the reality they are creating right now. If your friend complains about not liking his or her job, you might think about how fortuitous it is to have steady employment right now and that this can be a time to uncover a new work preference and begin moving in that direction.

Even if you do not say what you are thinking, at least you do not get pulled down by all of that negative energy. Eventually, people who are locked into being chronic complainers will stop seeking you out when they do not get the reinforcement they are wanting. If this sounds mean or dispassionate, I am not suggesting that you leave people to flounder alone. I am suggesting that lifting each other up requires positive energy to help another become unstuck and move through a difficult situation. Taking the bounce is about staying focused on the solutions not the problems.

Some spiritual masters say that we come into this life for the express purpose of helping to expand eternal consciousness and that we have agreed to deliberately and lovingly encounter all of life’s complexity and diversity. We didn’t come here to put our lives together just so and then stop the process because, as Darwin discovered while developing his theory of evolution, species have to continually adapt to life’s challenges or they die. There is no stopping the expanding conscious energy of the universe without starting the cycle of death, rebirth and expansion all over again. That is why when you look at fractals, the fractal boundary, that leading edge feels so alive.

We can be likened to fractals, when you consider all of the billions of cells, each with its own environment, that comprise our marvelous physical bodies. The flow of energy, the intentions, the thoughts we project are like the double arrow of a fractal equation in that they flow both in and out of us and affect our outer world as well as our inner, cellular world. When we really understand that we are always connected to Source and to each other, we have such firm footing that we can face all of life’s challenges and see a world of possibilities.

In closing I’ll offer this excerpt of Joseph Campbell from the Heron Dance, Book of Love and Gratitude. “‘The word ‘entheos’ means ‘god-filled.’ Moving towards that which fills us with [entheos], that place where time is not, is all we need to do to change the world around us. Then we naturally. . love others and allow them to move beyond their self-imposed limitations, and in their own ways. The goal is to evolve to that place where the energy that had been projected outward to correct the world, is turned around to correct oneself-to get on our own track and to dance, in balance, between the worlds.’ Following our bliss is not self-indulgent but vital. Our whole body knows that this is the way to be alive in the world and the way to give the world the very best that we have to offer.”

I have some good news for you! Aging is happening every minute, right here, right now, all of us are getting older, and we have been since our birth. That is good news because it means we are still here with the extraordinary gift of being alive. However, because time seems to speed up as we age, you will be old before you know it. It is part of the cycle of life, and though modern medicine is finding some ways to improve longevity, we are in spite of everything, still aging. Many people start exploring spirituality in their mid-thirties. And by age 50 most of us become aware of how quickly our life is passing by. I have found that rather than resisting the aging process, it is a blessing to embrace it as a spiritual journey. At 50 many people feel like they are “over the hill” and all will be going downhill from there. I know I did. It is true that there are probably less years ahead after 50 than there were before, but life is far from over and there many opportunities to connect more deeply with Life.

My mother was very active and always looked younger than she was She never liked people to know how old she was. When she turned 80, I wanted have a party for her, but she refused. She didn’t want any celebration at all, so we honored her wishes. When she turned 85, my brother and I planned a surprise party for her. Fortunately, we knew that she loved surprises (some people don’t), and we wanted to celebrate her many years of life experience. We invited her family and friends and exactly 85 showed up. We had a wonderful celebration which she loved, and finally everyone knew her age.

I. on the over hand, am proud of my age, my 76 years of life experience, though it seems strange to think about how many years I have lived. I want to try a little experiment now. I am going to ask you to close your eyes for just a moment and I am going to ask you a question. Don’t really think too much about it, just accept whatever first pops into your mind. Are you ready? Close your eyes. Now, regardless of what your real age is, the question to answer is how old do you feel inside? As soon as you have it, just raise your hand.
How many of you got an age younger than what you are? Most people do. Most of us find our changing bodies and faces and energy levels a challenge. Especially since in this culture we are supposed to stay young and beautiful - according to the magazines, even AARP! Sometimes I look in the mirror and see my mother or I wonder how anyone who hasn’t seen me in 20 years recognizes me. I remember well the day that it became clear to me that others saw me older than I felt. I was buying something at a store and the clerk said that will be $10.35 with the discount. I said “Discount?” He said Yes, you are a senior aren’t you!” I felt both glad to have the discount and a bit chagrined that it was so obvious. And of course I am grateful for every discount now!

About that time I was looking in the bookstore and found a book called From Ageing to Sageing by Rabbi Zalmon Schaeter-Shalomi , most often referred to as Reb Zalman.

The cover said it contained a profound new vision of growing older, and I thought that is what I needed. So I read it and then invited two friends to study it and do the exercises in it with me. We met almost weekly for a year to work with the material. It made such a difference in my attitude toward aging that I then went to one of his workshops, and subsequently to three of the training workshops on leading the material. It has really changed my attitude about aging, so I am happy to be here this a.m. to share some of that with you.

Reb Zalmon was turning 60 when he too was confronted with his fears of aging, and wondering how he could live his aging years so they would be a blessing instead of a curse. He started by spending 40 days in the desert on a vision quest. He spent that time coming to know himself in a very deep way, and out of that experience, he developed his program which is known as Spiritual Eldering which speaks of people becoming elders instead of becoming old. Let’s look at some of the differences. Help me - what words come to mind when you think “old”? Sick, Slow, Uninteresting? What words come to mind when you think “elder”? Wise, Sage, Respect? To become a sage, we must get in touch with ourselves, we have to do the inner work, the spiritual work. And by spiritual work, I mean dealing with the big questions.
We begin to think about them naturally, What is the meaning of life?, What is my purpose here? What do I regret? What can I celebrate in my life? What legacy will I leave in this world? What legacy will I leave for the children and grandchildren?

Our planet desperately needs elders, so we need to do the inner spiritual work to be one. Obstacles to doing that come up when we focus on the past and on the future. We look back on our lives and we see the failures, the missed opportunities, the people we were not right with, the family difficulties, our regrets. If we just do that, we may feel like we were failures. So we turn from the past and when we look to the future we see diminishment and feel and see death. The future is scary and we don’t want to deal with it, so then we are stuck in a box. The good news is that there is a way out. We can go back and reframe our memories, we can work with forgiveness for ourselves and others, we can really appreciate and feel gratitude for the present moment, we can harvest and appreciate our life, and in doing all these things we will leave a legacy to future generations. We can begin to accept life as it is, just as it is, wrinkles, aches and pains, health issues, thinning hair, bunions or whatever. I think the real secret of life anyway, is accepting whatever is. The Buddhists say that what causes suffering is resistance to life as it is. Part of the wisdom of aging is recognizing that and instead just embracing what is. I like the quote from Winston churchill who said “the young sow their oats, the old grow sage. That is our life’s work as we age.

I was interested sometime ago when I heard a TV interview with Paul Newman the movie star who was considered sexy well into his 80’s. He was being interviewed about his newest film. When asked what was next for him, he said he wanted to spend time with spiritual issues. The interviewer asked him what he meant? He responded something like I don’t mean religious things, I mean things that have to do with the spirit and spirituality. He said that was the life’s work he needed to complete.

Our world urges us to be active, productive, always on the go. However, as we age and we move into the October of our lives, it is important to slow down, to take time to rest, take time to quiet ourselves and get in touch with our inner wisdom.
Depak Chopra says that we have 60,000 thoughts a day and 95% of them are the same thoughts we had the day before. Think how busy that keeps us - and maybe how boring. If we want to change that and gain some new insights and develop our inner wisdom we must spend time in quiet and listening. That involves setting time aside for solitude.

I think it means quieting down so we can wake up. Most of the time we go around half conscious. You may all have had the experience of driving someplace, and suddenly you are there, but you don’t remember any of the drive there? You suddenly wake up and wonder if you might even have gone through a stop light. Well, quieting down is like waking up. We become more conscious. (I wish I had been more conscious in my earlier life!). There are many ways to meditate and the most important thing to know about it is that is is always a practice. It’s not like we learn how and that is it. People say to me, I’ve tried and I just can’t sit still. Neither could I when I started. I could feel my skin jumping and nerves firing off if I just sat still for 5 minutes. It just takes daily practice and then one can sit for a very long time in a quiet space just watching the mind. When we quiet our minds, that is when we will get an intuitive thought, an answer to a problem, some information we have wanted.

Rebecca Latimer in her very fascinating book YOU’RE NOT OLD UNTIL YOU’RE NINETY… BEST TO BE PREPARED, HOWEVER, urges us all to prepare for our elder years by developing our spiritual life. She didn’t “wake up” as she says until she was 60, at which time she found herself with some solitude and began to question what life is all about. She found some very helpful self-help books and began to engage in meditation, imaging, seeking an inner guide, reading, etc. and it set her life on a completely different path. She wrote her book when she was 91.

There are so many birthday cards on the market that speak negatively of aging, and some of them are so fun. Yet, what we need to do is live a new model of aging and embrace the process, revel in having more time to engage with ourselves and to serve others. Nature has seasons and so do we. If we resist the October or November of our lives we suffer.
If we try always to look young, we miss the rich rewards of going deeper and gaining the wisdom of an elder. I could have a face lift to look younger, but then I’d still need a leg lift, a tummy tuck, and a even more. And in a few years I’d need it done again, and my internal organs would just go on aging anyway. I think instead that we can honor the wrinkles and know that they represent the ups and downs of our life. As the clip ahead of time said, some things like wine and cheese and old violins and trees improve with age. There is a patina of beauty in older people that comes if we will just look for it.

Growing older is a natural part of the life process. If you get to experience it, you are lucky. Just think of the alternative. There are many examples now of people who stay active and young at heart well into their 90’s, and that is wonderful. However, not everyone can be like that, but everyone can see their years as a spiritual journey and therefore make a deeper connection to Life, to themselves, and to something outside themselves. We can then really appreciate the rewards and blessings of a long life.

The work of the spiritual eldering is to reframe and heal your past memories, develop contemplative skills, leave a legacy, practice forgiveness of yourself and others, make a living will, write your obituary and make decisions about how you’d like things to be when you die. Death is something we don’t like to talk about but this process can make death your advisor instead of an adversary. It can enrich the appreciation and experience of life.

I’d like to close with some of the things that I have learned over my 76 years are:

Life is REALLY short. Treasure each day. It may be your last.

Remember we always do the best we can with the
resources we have, so have no regrets.

Don’t wait to connect with someone or tell them you love them. They might not be alive tomorrow.

Appreciate, listen to, and take care of your body.

Tell the truth - always. Lies only mess things up.

Forgiveness of ourselves and others is essential.

Love is the most important thing in the world - love of yourself and others and of the universe.

So, I say embrace Life, all of Life and as you age, make it a spiritual journey.

Face it; there are things about all of us that we share in common. They just go with being members of this species. And as we recognize and accept these things and give expression to them we live more fully. And if we don’t own and give expression to these things that define who we really are, then we engage in a very dangerous form of self-denial, the kind that involves a failure to be real, to be authentic and to make possible the best that is associated with being our kind of creation.I believe the most important of these species defining traits is our enormous capacity to love. At our core we have a power equal to all life presents us and through which we unlock the great treasures available to us. And this power is love.

I believe you and I were made, given this mysterious gift we call life by an entity, by an all-powerful being, God, self-described simply as love. And I believe we are akin to this being. In fact, I believe we are patterned after this being and that we possess the same kind of power that this One possesses. This power is love and it is at the core of our identity.

When we recognize just who we really are and when we give expression to this identity, when we exercise love in all of its many facets we thrive because we are living in harmony with who we fundamentally are.

Our greatest joys come by way of love. And yet this love, this power is one we often struggle with. And I think a lot of this struggle has to do with the reality that love has a number of intriguing facets. While it is all powerful and more than equal to any challenge we might face; while it is the source of all the true and lasting joy we find in life; while it gives us so much and makes sense of the life mystery; while all by itself it can cause our lives, no matter the trials and challenges to be well worth the living, it has its own requirements and mystery.

It sometimes requires us to take risks.
It is often counterintuitive.
It requires that we first love ourselves.
While love is our innate response to what is lovely, it also has the power to create loveliness.

I’d like to invite you to think about these facets of love; the risks it calls us to, the fact that it is sometime counterintuitive, it’s requirement that we love ourselves and it’s capacity to not only respond to loveliness but its capacity to create loveliness. And I’d like to share some stories that illustrate these facets of love and invite you in our time of discussion to do the same.

Without love and caring, there can be no good in our lives. All meaning and joy comes through the power of love. But, it is also true that loving and caring can open us to hurt and disappointment. It’s love that opens us to both the possibility for deep meaning and joy as well as the possibility of hurt and loss.

It’s instinctive not to touch that which can burn us. And while such instinct is adaptive in many settings of our lives, this instinct does not serve us well in relation to the hurt and loss that can come from our connections to others. To do well at living we must stay engaged in loving relationships. When we are hurt, when we suffer loss and feel the weight of devastating grief, we must not let fear keep us from soon returning to this all-important business of love.

Like many of us in seminary, my seminary pastor, John Claypool, while a student had served a little country church in a rural part of Kentucky. Shortly after arriving in the little community where he pastored, a couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Everyone but the new pastor knew the story of John’s and Mary’s love. But in spite of that it was told again the night of their celebration.

It seemed John and Mary were the kind of couple that just made sense. They were a natural couple, each the best of their community, doing so well in their young lives. So when they fell in love and decided to get married, it felt right to everyone.

But as the story goes a few days before their wedding was to take place a carnival came to town and Mary got swept off her feet by a smooth talking carnival worker and on impulse ran off with him, leaving John almost literally abandoned at the alter.

A few months later she returned home, pregnant, having been herself abandoned by her rouge lover. After a while John began making attempts to call on Mary but she would have none of it. As the story goes over the next five years John repeatedly reached out to Mary but her shame and guilt kept her from being receptive. John, it was said, would daily leave vegetables at her door and other things that she and her daughter might need and would often do things that were helpful in relation to Mary’s young child. He would cut and stack firewood for Mary, cut her lawn. In spite of Mary being closed to him, John tirelessly offered his love and help to Mary and her child.

One day John was standing with some others in front of the little store that served this small community. With only a few cars on the road these were still horse and buggy days in this part of Kentucky. Mary approached the little store with her young daughter in her carriage. As she did a car backfired and Mary’s horse took off. Instantly John, having an angle on the horse and carriage, leapt in front of the carriage and grabbed hold of the frightened horse. Only after being stepped on and seriously injured, John was able to bring the horse to a halt. Mary, it was said, got out of the carriage and went to John who lay injured in the road and said, “Why, John, why are you so good to me? Why do you treat me so well after what I did to you.” And John looked up and said, “Don’t you know, Mary? Don’t you know? It’s because I love you. I love you. I simply love you. I always loved you. I never stopped loving you.”

With that the crust fell from Mary’s heart and she began to talk, to be open to John’s kindness and love and one year later, six years from the day they were originally to be married John and Mary joined their hearts and lives.

If it is true that love requires a measure of risk taking on our part it is also true that love is a risk well worth taking.
Sometimes love is counterintuitive

Recently on the Life Line cable channel there was an account, a movie about the horrible tragedy that occurred in Lancaster County a few years ago. You remember a man went into an Amish schoolhouse and shot several young girls, killing many of them and then killed himself.

I have dear friends among the Amish. My love of carriages and carriage driving has involved me with many in that special community. And I know several who were personally touched by this tragedy.

I can’t say whether the movie totally accurately represented what happen on that day and the events following it but one thing, one really amazing thing the movie got right. And that is what happened the afternoon following the morning these young girls were shot. That same afternoon leaders of the Amish community, including a man whose daughter had been killed, went to the home of the shooter to express to his wife their forgiveness for what her husband had done and to also express their concern for and her and her children and to offer them their support.

Talk about counterintuitive, exercising love and its companion, forgiveness, after terrible violation goes against a lot of understandable urges. But the Amish live by a creed of love. They see love as basic to their nature and their identity. They really believe exercising love in all of its many facets, forgiveness being one of them, is the only way to respond to life events. They know something about following love not just when it is the easy and natural path but also when it’s the hard road to start out on. They know it’s the only path that can calm the storms and tragedies of life, the only path that can keep life good and meaningful.

Surrendering to anger and bitterness and letting go of love is no kind of tribute to those whose loss turns our worlds upside down. On her deathbed Lynn said to me, “You want to pay tribute to my life and our love, then get back up when my death knocks you down and go on living and loving. Life holds more goodness for you John and Mike. You want to pay tribute to me, then don’t stop loving. Don’t abandon love. Don’t let bitterness, anger, fear or any other attitude and way of living take love’s place.”

It’s natural to grieve life’s tragedies but it isn’t natural, it isn’t who we are, it isn’t our true nature to abandon love following such events.
Part of living love involves extending the power of love to ourselves. No one ever lived well who didn’t first learn something about self-love. Loving, caring for, respecting ourselves is the first step along the life path of love. Knowing something about and taking delight in how we are each marvelously made is vital if we are to live according to love. Staying in touch with our own loveliness is important.

My internship supervisor was a man named John Marquis. He had and passed on to many of us the wonderful habit of ending each day by pausing and writing on a small note card a brief account of any compliment or positive thing about himself that he had experienced or learned that day. Someone would compliment him. A stranger would smile at him and hold a door open. Acts of human kindness and consideration that touched his heart would be remembered and captured each night on a note card.

After years of doing this John had a large file of such cards. He would begin the day by taking out a few of these cards and placing them in his shirt pocket. Several times throughout the day he would take them out and let the goodness of these lessons about his loveliness and acts of kindness wash over him again and serve to strengthen his healthy self-love and connection to living according to love. It’s a wonderful learning aid and many of his students began doing the same.

We can so quickly let go of and forget those reflections of our goodness and loveliness that get extended to us by others as well as acts of human kindness we observe, while holding and remembering all too well the negative and often erroneous messages others give us along with the less than loving deeds we witness.
Finally, while love is a wonderful and natural response to that which we find lovely in life, don’t forget that love can also create loveliness. I suppose the most powerful metaphor in story form of this fact is the wonderful play Beauty and the Beast. You remember the story. Beauty’s love for Beast transformed him into all she could ever dream of. I’ve seen this story line played out over and over again in the lives of so many people. Someone’s love transformed the heart of another into someone more lovely.

And don’t you see, that is the way it is between God and us. When by some estimates we didn’t deserved it, God loved us. While we had no entitlement to it, God gave us this opportunity we call life and not only that, when we were given life, we were given the chance to make it a wonderful, supremely meaningful gift. And the way we do that is to follow the example of the One who gave life to us and that is to live love, to be love.

So, if there’s a sure fire risk, one worth taking, one that always pays off, it’s to love, to go on loving when tough times come our way, when we loose those we treasure.

And, however counterintuitive it might seem, let love guide you when things happen that cause you to consider, hate, revenge, and bitterness.

And don’t forget God loves you and wants you to love yourself. Don’t loose touch with your own loveliness.

And finally, respond to what is lovely with love but also let your love help transform what isn’t, so that it becomes lovely.

Everybody loves a love story. The good news is that we have been given the chance to be part of stories about kindness, about forgiveness, about thoughtfulness, about love. What a great gift! Claim it!

[Lilly and I recently attended a] memorial service for a friend of mine. I thought it would be mostly about remembering Bill. The service included our singing The Old Rugged Cross and O Holy Night and My Tribute. The reading selections for Bill’s memorial service were read from the books of second Corinthians and John. Almost none of the service was about Bill.Bill’s memorial service was designed to tell us that Jesus is the only way and why. It left me wanting to know something about Bill, who we knew only from dancing. He was a veteran and an artist. He was a man much beloved by his children and step children. He was a really memorable guy.

Lilly asked me if I had any thoughts about the service. I read her this poem I wrote in 1995

HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE

In olden times speech had a different purpose.
Red would be described as
“Red - as the color of the blood shed by our Lord Christ Jesus
when he was on the cross to take away our sins.”
and not just red, but everything was specified that way
which now seems strange, but which helped souls
remember who they were, their purpose and their goal.
This is not the way we speak today and we have lost some
sense of cosmic place and the meaning of our lives,
not that I’d resurrect the old, it does not fit for me.
Today in meditation I focused on the light stream
through my body, seeing light, asking that today
I am aware of being filled with light and being in the light.
I do not talk of red as the color of the blood
of someone dead two thousand years, and still,
there’s something I am trying to recall.

There was recently a Woody Allen interview on NPR. He was asked if his personal philosophy was as dark as his films. I’ve seen several - Love and Death was memorable. Mr. Allen said that he was much taken by a story he heard about two women at an American plan [meals included] Spa. One woman said, “The food is very bad here.” The second said, “Yes, and the portions are so small!” This is kind of his ongoing guidance. The food is bad, and the portions are so small. Life is full of troubles - and short.

I go to memorial services, and to other things, to hear how the person speaking or being memorialized dealt with those two issues. We all face this at times, so I attend listening for guidance for how to form the answers to life’s challenges. I am always listening for guidance on how to make life long - guidance to knowing what makes life good. That is what I am here to talk about.

After Bill’s memorial service I started thinking about this presentation. I was stuck for a while and then in short order I got two pieces of inspiration. One was when I got a letter from my cousin Jim. Jim is 84 and Jim is worried. He sent me this letter with a copy of Oswald Chamber’s reading for Feb 13 from My Utmost for His Highest. Here is a brief excerpt:

“The destiny of my spiritual life is such identification with Jesus Christ that I always hear God, and I know that God always hears me (John 11:41). If I am united with Jesus Christ, I hear God, by the devotion of hearing all the time. A lily, or a tree, or a servant of God, may convey God’s message to me. What hinders me from hearing is that I am taken up with other things. It is not that I will not hear God, but I am not devoted in the right place. I am devoted to things, to service, to convictions, and God may say what He likes but I do not hear Him. The child attitude is always, “Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.” If I have not cultivated this devotion of hearing, I can only hear God’s voice at certain times; at other times I am taken up with things - things which I say I must do, and I become deaf to Him, I am not living the life of a child. Have I heard God’s voice today”

And Jim wrote in the margin:

“Dear Harry, this covers a lot of why our relationship with God is seldom active.
Lots of love,
Jim
ps. I doubt that I will be invited through the narrow door. I am really starting to work on being invited.”

Jim is an Episcopal deacon and does bible study every day. He leads a good and goodly life. He is charitable and involved and an activist for values we both hold highly. And he is sweet and not at all ego driven. He is a great guy, much beloved by his wife, his 4 children, his grandchildren, his great grandson.

I am upset that he is so tormented. But some of his thinking is out of my league. Still, I called him trying to help. When I talked to Jim I said two things. First, I told him the story of the student who ended up in the college clinic from making himself crazy studying for a final. The teacher came to visit him in the hospital and said, “The saddest part of this for me is that you had already passed the course. You had done fine.”

Next, I reminded him of Micah 6:8 “He hath showed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

I told Jimmy that he has already passed and can stop worrying. But Jim says he still does not hear the voice of God. He is too busy to listen. He never stops. We talked about this and I suggested that he learn to meditate. I hope my sharing this with Jimmy will help him with his challenge and with his fears.

I may go to Florida to hang out with him again. I know it takes me about 10 minutes inviting myself to meditate before something shifts. Maybe I can be his teacher for this. I‘d like that. In the meantime he is in my thoughts and in my prayers.

There are many ways I stay connected to God. Poetry is one.

Self-Portrait - By David Whyte
It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need to change you.
If you can look back with firm eyes saying this is where I stand.
I want to know if you know how
to melt into that fierce heat of living
I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day,
with the consequence of love
and the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat
I have heard, in that fierce embrace,
even the gods speak of God. ”

There is a play running at Everyman theater, next to the Charles, about Grovers Corners. Oh, yes, Our Town. I am so touched and I cry and am awed every time I see it. It really engages me emotionally and spins me around real good. But it does not really give me a direction.

This morning I was looking at the available MP3 downloads. I found this list in the category of New Self Development Downloads:
The Art of Aging
Become Who You Were Meant To Be.
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness
How to Know God By Deepak Chopra
How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci
One Month to Live
The Path to Love, another by Deepak Chopra
The Sexy Years Ah, that one is by Suzanne Somers
The Thing About Life is That One Day You’ll Be Dead.

Another piece of inspiration for today’s reflection came from Dr. Andrew Weil’s book, Healthy Aging. It has lots of good stuff, but nothing to talk about here until I came to his quotes of Kathleen Dowling Singh. Dr. Weil introduces her ideas with the following preface that I will leave you to ponder:

“It is not to late to take stock of our lives, even in the last weeks and days of terminal illness.
For those in the midst of life and the apparent safety and security of our health, it is not too early. No matter how much time we have left to live, the answers to the following questions, voiced in the quiet honesty of our own hearts, provide direction to the rest of our living:

You have to understand that Kathleen Singh is a hospice counselor, a death and dying counselor. She asks us to consider these questions:
Who have I been all this time?
How have I used my gift of a human life?
What do I need to “clear up” or “let go of” in order to be more peaceful?
What gives my life meaning?
For what am I grateful?
What have I learned of truth and how truthfully have I learned to live?
What have I learned of love and how well have I learned to love?
What have I learned about tenderness, vulnerability, intimacy, and communion?
What have I learned about courage, strength, power, and faith?
What have I learned of the human condition and how great is my compassion?
How am I handling my suffering?
How can I best share what I’ve learned?
What helps me open my heart and empty my mind and experience the presence of Spirit?
What will give me strength as I die? What is my relationship with that which will give me strength as I die?
If I remembered that my breaths were numbered, what would be my relationship to this breath right now?
Who am I?
In a moment we will hear a chime inviting us to meditation. I have chosen from Kathleen Singh topics. I suggest you carry into your meditation one of these:
How have I used my gift of a human life?
How am I handling my suffering?
What helps me open my heart; empty my mind and experience the presence of Spirit?
What gives my life meaning?
What do I need to “clear up” or “let go of” in order to be more peaceful?

SO SHALL THIS NIGHT END IN JOYOUS DAYOne of the toughest questions in all of the world has to be, how can life contain so much pain, suffering and challenge and still be a gift from a loving God? It’s a hard one. It’s very difficult to understand why pain and suffering are so much a part of life.

As remarkable and wonderful as life can be, there is no escaping the fact that tragedy and heartache are very much a part of it. Human suffering and misery is all around us. Everyday the news is full of stories of tragedies and challenges. We are often confronted with disturbing images of suffering and strife. Here lately, with the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, we are powerfully reminded of the unavoidable certainty of tragedy.

And sadly, although our thoughts have focused lately on these quakes and the unimaginable challenges facing those affected, Haiti and Chile aren’t the only places where people are confronting overwhelming difficulty.

The images from these quakes have been very disturbing. The attention the news media has given to this catastrophe has reminded us of the horrors so many of us face.

The images show the face of unspeakable tragedy, real human suffering. Think of it, lying in pain on the street with broken limbs, no one to help, no one to give you medication or water or food or move you or help you with toileting; lying in pain, infection setting in, crying out and no one to bring relief; dying a long painful death.

I broke my leg years ago and the enormous pain and helplessness and utter horror of that moment still causes me to shutter when I recall it. I’ve hardly been able to watch the television images of so many broken bodies lying helpless on the street.

Along with these images of suffering we have seen the best and the worse of human nature played out in response to these earthquakes. There has been an outpouring of generosity and help from millions of people around the world along with a small measure of grandstanding by some politicians and certain members of the news media. And many of the Haitian and Chilean people have displayed a remarkable resilience of spirit.

Along with our responses of sympathy and help we all strain to make sense of catastrophes like these earthquakes and other horrors like the genocide that still goes on. Wonderful, godly, innocent people have had their lives snuffed out or turned upside down. The Archbishop, leaders of humanitarian organizations and others who were in Haiti to bring help to this poor country were killed even as they were about the business of spreading love and mercy. A man I knew by reputation, the head of a major charitable organization that has brought hope and opportunity to many Haitian children, was in Haiti and was killed.

Quickly the simple-minded explanations began to fly about when catastrophes like these happen. Pat Robertson jumped onto the airwaves after the Haiti quake and declared God was punishing Haitians for a so-called pact they made with the devil years ago. Others said Adam’s and Eve’s original sin in the Garden of Eden caused evil and tragedy to enter the previously unspoiled human experience and these tragedies were a manifestation of original sin. Others have also suggested that tragedy stems from the failings of mankind, both past and present, sins of the fathers visited on their children.

Then there is the “God would rather you not” theory.
God would rather you not build a city where you built New Orleans.
God would rather you not engage in slave trade and transport innocent people to an island situated over a seismic fault and build a permanent city there.
God would rather you not build towns and cities near volcanoes and faults.
God would rather you not pollute your rivers and streams with toxic substances that will wreck your health.
God would rather you not smoke; drive recklessly; drink and drive.
God would rather you allow room for nature to do her thing, to shift earth plates, to blow strong winds, etc.

This theory says we bring tragedy on ourselves when we fail to pay attention and fail to defer to nature’s desires.
Some say, and I would agree, there are situations where tragedy is a prelude to good things. The personal sacrifices of civil rights workers, for example, including those who lost their lives in dedication to this cause, led to much needed changes and a bettering of conditions. Many other wrongs have been righted by the personal sacrifices, even the giving of one’s life, that brave and visionary men and women have made. But even here you have to ask, why is such a high price exacted for the advancement of the kind of change that promotes goodness and decency?

The answer is we simply don’t know and we simply do not have the ability to know why life includes pain, suffering and catastrophe. There simply is no understanding all of the heart wrenching human suffering that goes on so much of the time and which inevitably touches all of our lives.

The moral pundits and self-pronounced wise ones who offer up all kinds of explanations have absolutely nothing to offer any of us when it comes to understanding the meaning of tragedy and suffering. No one, least of all the purveyors of simplistic explanations of the unexplainable, has any idea why such things are included in something like life, something that can be so full of joy and meaning.

A great part of the mystery of the life gift is the certainty of challenge and suffering. From all appearance it is simply built into the fabric of the gift. And while it mystifies me why good and evil, joy and heartache can be packaged in the same bundle, I reject the simplistic explanations of the simple minded and find many of their explanations nothing less than totally offensive.

I remember years ago while in seminary being among the expectant crowd who gathered at Cresent Hill Baptist Church to hear what John Claypool, an accomplished cleric and man of God, had to say upon returning to the pulpit following the death of his six year old daughter. I remember him looking out on that large packed sanctuary and saying, “God has a lot of explaining to do to me.”

This great spiritual leader was humbled and mystified in the face of such an unspeakable, immeasurable loss. And he stated what I believe is the only response we can legitimately have to such catastrophe, a response I have expressed in the aftermath of my unimaginable and dreaded losses. And that is I do not know why this happen. I simply don’t understand it. It seems so out of place, so alien to a gift as wonderful as life.

Such horror is a part of the unfathomable mystery that you and I are caught up in. And like the Haitians and Chileans who embody such a powerful spirit to move on, to continue their life journeys, you and I are left without answers, mystified by the mystery, with a decision to be made at all times but especially when tragedy strikes us and that is whether we will continue to accept the gift of life; whether we can still affirm that it is O.K., maybe even good, to find ourselves caught up in this vast mystery that both brings us joy as well as heartache.

When loss, suffering and catastrophe strike our lives and rock our world we are always confronted with this decision. Will we give up; decide that because the mystery is so unfathomable, so difficult to understand that we quit? Will we decline any further participation in the process of living? Or will we humble our spirits and somehow continue to embrace not only what we can’t understand but what also has brought us such great pain and suffering?

That’s the way it feels to me when I come up against the tragic; that what I am left with is the choice whether I will eventually pick myself up from the destruction and loss that has visited my life and journey on in the kind of blind faith that describes what one does when you accept what you cannot understand. To me that is what faith is all about. In spite of all that has pained my life, in spite of it all, I still consider life; I still consider being caught up in this mystery a good thing. I still continue to accept a gift that I am offered that includes things I simply can never come to understand. Faith to me is the affirmation, not just on the good days when all is easy and well, but also on the tough days, the days when heavy weather sets in, that it is still a good thing that I am caught up in this mystery we call life. That in spite of my complete lack of understanding of why pain and suffering has to be a part of this life package, that I still accept life and thank its Giver for it.

In the tragedies that have visited me, I had times of wanting life to be over, feeling I had had enough of this gift, wishing it to be over or better yet that it had never been. But eventually, soon enough, I found in every tragedy I have faced a road out my devastation, a road full of something new and good to do, a new path worth traveling down. I hope I always will find such paths out of my trials until and including the day I face the trial which takes this life from me.

Nobody knows, nobody knows, they may tell you they know, but nobody knows, nobody can demystify the mystery. And while we all have our intuition about it, mine is that this life you and I have isn’t a one and done kind of thing. I think there is something in us that not only is able to endure the storms of life, but also endures even beyond the challenge that ushers in our own deaths. And what endures after the storms that blow strong in our lives and rob us of what we treasure so much is an innate powerful spirit that opens to us the possibility to not only live on but to live on with an expanded sense of who we are and what we can become.

The storms that inevitably visit all of our lives demolish our safe harbors and leave us with the decision as to whether we will shrink in resignation from life or march more boldly into what not only we do not understand but what has hurt us so powerfully. We make such a seemingly illogical kind of choice because of a blind faith that in spite of all we have been through, life remains a good and valuable gift, one that still holds lots of opportunity to grow our spirits and capture more and more of the rich rewards of peace, meaning, purpose and joy.

It’s a conclusion that while the storms of life assail our spirits, they also offer our hearts the rich rewards that can belong to those who are willing to get back up and accept the opportunity to move on in blind faith and claim more of the opportunity to build anew something that adds to what was, something also good and worthy, something that makes life an even greater treasure. And thus we can take our lives down new paths, ones that make it well worth continuing the journey.

Recently someone sent me some pictures taken right after the bombs fell on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The devastation was total. Alongside these pictures were more current pictures; ones taken 65 years after the bombs decimated these two cities.

The current photos displayed two of the most vibrant, beautiful cities on the face of the earth. Where 65 years ago there stood nothing, today there stands two gleaming cities, monuments to what mankind can achieve in the wonderful fields of architecture and urban design; and a reflection of the kind of good that can rise up out of total devastation.

It appears to me that those among us who find life the good gift it is meant to be, are somehow able to appropriate good and meaning from the trials we encounter. We are not done in by the crises that seen to destroy us. Somehow there is a spark that remains and after giving total attention and all of our energy to mourning our loss, that spark, that even we can’t see in the heat of our crisis, enables us to get hold of new possibilities and fuel a continuation of our life journeys. Mary Bilge, the singer songwriter recently release an album entitled “Stronger with Each Tear.” Such is the possibility for us all.

Alfred Adler tells the story of two men meeting in the train station in Vienna. As the story goes a man, bearing the appearance of success, well dressed, in apparent good health and mood, came upon a beggar, disheveled and done in. The well-dressed man approached the beggar and said to him, “I don’t usually give to beggars. However you are such an image of total despair. You intrigue me. If you will tell me just how it came to be that you would let yourself come to be so desperate I will buy you a meal.”

And supposedly the desperate man said to the successful man, “You see, I simply had no chance. Life has been stacked against me. From the beginning nothing has gone right for me. I never had a chance. I was a twin and my brother and I were left orphans by the Nazi invasion of Austria. We were brought up in an orphanage until we were adopted by different families and separated from one another. I lost my parents. I lost my brother. You see I never had a chance. Life just kept knocking me down. And so I gave up. I gave up. I could see there would never be anything good for me. There would never be an opportunity for me to have a good life.”

The well dressed one is said to have responded, “That’s interesting. I too am a twin. My brother and I also lost our parents during the Nazi invasion of Austria. I also was taken along with my brother to an orphanage. And I was also separated from my brother. Like you, I had a lot of hardship and loss. But somehow, every time life events took what I valued from me, somehow in time I was able to seize upon the opportunity that always seemed to be present to get back up and start over. And every time I suffered great loss, I found a path out of my despair that brought me new and wonderful life experiences. ”

And yes, you guessed it, as the two talked on they discovered they were the brothers they each spoke of.

Horatio Spafford was a successful businessman who lived in the nineteenth century. Tragically, his wife and two of his daughters were killed when a trans-Atlantic ocean liner sank off the coast of Greenland. Some months following this horrendous loss Mr. Spafford put pen to paper and wrote the words that became a powerful hymn,
“When peace like a river attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot thou has taught me to say;
It is well, it is well with my soul.”
In one of the many news reports on the earthquake in Haiti, one of the newspersons asked a Haitian man why his faith was so strong. And he said, “When you have so little there really is nothing else to turn to.”

Well my friends, whether we realize it or not that is precisely the condition all of us are in. When it comes right down to it, I don’t care what you have, all of us, in the face of the incomprehensible vastness of the mystery we are caught up in, have so little that faith is truly all we have to turn to. And the good news is that such a faith, faith in the One who stands behind and within it all, is well-founded and it can be counted on to continue to bring us the kind of life whereby our spirits keep on growing in meaning and fullness, strangely nourished even by the storms that take so much from us.

And remember, the tapestry of creation remains unfinished, for us all. We and all that defines us, the strong emotions, our tragedies, our joys, our pain, our acts of love and our acts of hate, our forgiveness, our vengeance are all a part of the tapestry of who we are and who we are becoming. And even the life robbing challenge that all of us are sure to face one day can go on growing us in fullness of the wonderful spirit God makes possible for us to claim. And so like the Haitians and Chileans of faith, I join my voice with theirs and say I thank God for life and I will go on in my journey along life’s path confident that all of it is good, even what hurts and can’t be understood.

Shortly after my wife died someone sent me a note with a quote. I’m not sure who said it but it has meant a lot to me. It reads, “Through waves and clouds and storms, God gently clears the way; wait thou God’s time; so shall this night end in joyous day.” May it be true for you and for me and for all who suffer.

I’d like to start with a quote by Voltaire:

.”God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”

I remember a time when I used to be too afraid to laugh. I wasn’t sure of anything - not myself, and definitely not who or what God was. I still don’t have a well defined explanation of “God”. I just know that things are thrown in people’s path, either by a God, the Universe, or Life in general, and we must deal with them. There are a multitude of ways we can handle these challenges. For me, I have learned that my best tool with which to deal with challenges is humor. Whatever struggles dealt to me by “God”, the Universe, or Life in general, well, along with those struggles, I was also dealt this sense of humor, along with my questions about my spirituality. Humor came first and has been the gateway to my spirituality. Without humor, I would not have been able to get to the place I am today. Without humor, I would not have discovered my spirit.
.

Official Definition of “Therapeutic Humor” according to The Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor (AATH)
Any intervention that promotes health and wellness by stimulating a playful discovery, expression or appreciation of the absurdity or incongruity of life’s situations.
.

This intervention may enhance health or be used as a complementary treatment of illness to facilitate healing or coping, whether physical, emotional, cognitive, social or spiritual.
.

What is “Spirituality”
Spirituality is a way of life that is not religious, but honors the soul and the belief that there is more to life than physical things.
. . . . having to do with deep, sometimes religious, feelings and beliefs, including a person’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others and beliefs about the meaning of life.
To me, my sense of humor [has helped me develop my spirituality by allowing me to] connect with others on this Journey through life.
Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally and spiritually healthy
Laughter makes people feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps people find or maintain a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.
More than just a respite from sadness and pain, humor and laughter gives people the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope, and spirituality. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh-or even simply a smile-can go a long way toward making one feel better.
I remember a time when a smile went a long way. I was getting admitted to the hospital for a surgery, and there was a young boy there who was very nervous. He was coming in also, and he was very nervous because he was told that they would be taking blood from him. He had seen folks walk around with big bags of blood, and he thought that they’d take that much from him! He was concerned about that in addition to being concerned about the pain or discomfort of the actual act of drawing of blood. I talked to him, trying to reassure him that they don’t take big bags full at a time, they just take little tubes of blood. I also told him that it wasn’t really painful to have blood drawn, just a little pinch. In my case, I’m a phlebotomist’s dream. Drawing blood from me is easy and pretty painless. (heck, look at the roadmap of veins on my arms!) Well, this time, as the boy is watching me get my blood drawn, the person doing it was NOT very good, and it was pretty painful. So I’m sitting there with this young boy watching me, and I’m trying to show him how easy and painless it is, and the person drawing my blood, well, it must have been her first day, it is hurting me worse than any previous blood-draw I had ever had. I’m smiling, showing the boy that it’s simple, and I’m just thinking to myself, Oh, the irony!!!! Somebody up there has a sense of humor!!!!
I’ve learned that I can’t make it through a day without humor.
Everyone loves to laugh. Babies love to laugh. Babies laugh a lot. Babies laugh at the simplest of things. They laugh whenever they feel like it, until they get older and “learn” to not laugh so much. What a shame. In the past, I didn’t laugh much. I had to “learn” to laugh again.

Humor brings people together, brings them closer, joins them. The people in my life with whom I have become good friends are all people who laugh with me.

Like my good friend Steve, sitting here in the front row. I met him at a Peace March, and he had made me laugh all day. After the March, we went and grabbed dinner together, because I just wasn’t ready to go home yet, still feeling excited from the day. We laughed all through dinner, and then he said that he needed to get home, he was afraid his dog would piddle on the rug. His dog, a cute little Miniature Pinscher, had been home alone all day, and Steve was worried that there would be something to clean up, with Boris being locked inside all day. Of course, Steve said he had to go a number of times, but we just kept joking around, further delaying his return to Boris. Well, we finally left, and I rushed home, and looked up his phone number, and called his home. I knew he wouldn’t have gotten home yet, he had farther to drive to get home. I was calling to talk to Boris. I wanted him to hear me talking into the answering machine, with a very important message. I told Boris to hold it in a little longer, Daddy’s coming, Boris, don’t piddle on the rug, Boris, cross your little legs Boris, Daddy’s coming Boris, he’s almost home Boris, don’t piddle on the rug, Daddy’s almost there . . . .
Well, Steve got home, and listened to the message. He called me back and said “That was soooome message you left!” I could just hear his eyes rolling over the phone. I guess I amused him as much as he amused me. So what started as two people marching together, grew into a very good friendship. I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to pursue the friendship if we hadn’t laughed together so much. I’m so glad that humor brought us together, because he has become such a good friend to me, a very big support to me. He has helped me so much, and I value our relationship so much.

People tell me that I’m funny. I’m starting to believe them, since I do notice that folks often laugh when I make a silly or witty comment or observation. I remember a time when I didn’t even realize that I was funny! I just thought I had all these crazy thoughts bouncing around in my head. I never said them out loud, because I wasn’t sure how they’d make me seem to other people.

I used to be painfully shy. Yes, actual physical, as well as emotional, pain. I was very uncomfortable around people. I never felt like I fit in. I just didn’t have the confidence that anything I would say would be “acceptable” to the people around me.

Humor has helped me get beyond that fear.

I remember one time, I was in a room full of people, a support group environment.
Sometimes I crack jokes that are under most people’s radar . . . I’m just amusing myself. One time I cracked one of those jokes, and someone really enjoyed it, laughed out loud. I looked over at her, and said to myself “I’ve got to get to know her better”
I figured, if she got my humor, we just might be good friend material.
I started by offering Frances a ride home, because she didn’t have a car. Then I started to offer to take her to the grocery store on the way home, so she wouldn’t have to carry her groceries on the bus. We ended up laughing our way through the grocery store. Laughing at spelling or grammatical errors in the signage in the produce section. Laughing at some of the ridiculous items, or placement of such items.
I remember driving down Wisconsin Avenue in DC, with chocolate chip cookies that had been in my car, sitting in the hot sun in the summer, melting the chocolate chips into pure wonderful goo. Frances and I were eating them, and heartily enjoying them, moaning together in sheer enjoyment, like those ridiculous shampoo commercials from a few years back. Those commercials showed women waaaay too excited over shampoo. We were eating those cookies, laughing, thoroughly enjoying ourselves and the moment. It made a lot more sense to show such joy over warm, melty chocolate chip cookies than something as bland as “shampoo”
I think it was just what we needed, after leaving the support group and the heaviness that came with it.

Frances and I became very good friends, helping each other through . . .
situations and shopping trips . . . . ,
mundane and mindless . . . . ,
humor and helping.

What started with a single joke . . . . grew into something very powerful. A friendship that cemented two people together to help each other through some rough times.
One time, I was hanging out with a very new friend, Marion. I had just met her recently, at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner. We bonded immediately when someone mentioned “duct tape” and we both chuckled, and, we found out that we both absolutely loved a television show called “Red Green” that would show up on Public Television occasionally. Marion invited me over to watch her DVD’s of the program. We were watching the show, laughing, and commenting on our particular favorite bits. We spent some time talking, I mentioned that I used to be painfully shy, and she, as someone who still struggles with shyness, asked me how I went from extreme shyness to the outgoing person that she met. Well, the first thing out of my mouth was “LSD” - we both laughed at that, and then, being an acronym aficionado, I made up something that LSD could stand for - and I blurted out “Long Suffering Drama”
Of course, that promoted more laughter. She asked if I had just made that up, or was that a line I use all the time. I had in fact just made it up. Sometimes the humor just pops out from these little joke-tellers sitting around in the back of my head. But, when I thought about it, I realized, hmmmm, that might really be a good way to respond to the question! I had definitely been through some rough times.

I’ve been through numerous rough situations. As someone with a number of health issues, my life has not been easy. In the past, I didn’t have any support system to speak of. No family, no real friends. Before I realized what a great benefit humor was, I was just alone in my misery.

Yet, even at death’s door, I cracked jokes. One time I was having a discussion with a doctor, and I was in sooo much pain. I had been in great pain for a long while . . . and I was just telling him that I was tired of the pain and misery. I just wanted it to end. and he asked me if I was thinking of “euthanasia” I said, no, I’m thinking of “adults in Europe”
I don’t think he got it right away, but when he did, he realized, “yup, that’s Regina!”

Another time that humor served a healing purpose . . . .
One time, I was in the hospital, and I had as a roommate someone with a particular diagnosis, one that I eventually also ended up with. I had a friend visiting me, and the three of us were all sitting there, with a couple of other folks, and we started cracking jokes about the situation. We were all laughing, and my roommate commented that she had never laughed about this before. I asked her if she wanted us to stop making jokes, and she said no. She said that she just had never thought to laugh about this before. I think we showed her a new coping mechanism that day. We helped her find a new tool for her Journey through this life.

When I first started coming to Journeys, I connected to some folks right away, the people with whom I laughed easily. I didn’t really have much contact with Val, so I just didn’t really get to know her too well. That all changed one night, after I joined the Creative Team. Jane had been talking to me about pet-sitting her dog while Jane recovered from surgery. Jane had told me about the dog’s needs, and I was fine with everything entailed in caring for her dog. One night, after a Creative Team meeting, Jane mentioned, “Oh, I also have two cats, that won’t be a problem will it?”
I responded immediately with “Oh, no problem, they make a nice stew!”
Immediately after saying it, I panicked, Val is a veterinarian!!! She’s gonna think I’m horrible! AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!
But, surprise, surprise, Val laughed first, and hardest.
As for spirituality and humor, well, there are so many unanswered questions about spirituality.
In searching for answers, our thought processes, and how we see things, how we choose to view things, can help us see the humor in situations can help lead us through whatever spiritual journey we take through this life.

Friedrich Nietzche said:
“Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.”

A number of great thinkers have remarked that laughter is connected to suffering. I know that’s true in my case. I am so thankful that I have learned the real gift of humor - its ability to heal and connect me with others.
And to bring this reflection full-circle, I’d like to close with the quote from Voltaire that I opened with:

“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”

Well, I’m no longer afraid to laugh. No matter what God throws in my path, on this Journey through Life.

As we start another year, I wonder how many of us have made those New Year resolutions. This year I decided that I would take a different approach and start every morning by first practicing gratitude for life-all of it and then I would think of at least one thing that I wanted to do each day that would make me happy. It could be something simple like trying a new recipe, or asking someone that I haven’t seen in a while to have lunch with me or bigger projects like starting to repaint and decorate a room in my house.

As simple as this approach sounds it embraces many of the ideas found in traditional religions as well as new age prophets like Wayne Dyer, Abraham-Hicks, and Marianne Williamson. Even the Dahli Lama advocates the art of happiness as one of the most important disciplines we can cultivate. Why happiness rather than say goodness or godliness or any number of other virtues? Haven’t we all experienced the way happy people bolster our sense of well being? Don’t they make even the most mundane jobs seem less boring and the truly difficult jobs a little less onerous? Don’t you find that you laugh more in their presence? The happiness they share can also bring healing, hope, and gratitude. It connects us with Spirit and with the goodness of life.

So how do we create more happiness for ourselves and those around us?
I was fortunate to have a friend suggest that I read Abraham-Hicks latest book, The Vortex, which ended up becoming the springboard for this service. In the preface it says, “At the hub of these teachings is a profound concept: the basis of life is freedom; the result of life is expansion-and the purpose of life is joy.”
Freedom, expansion, joy-at first glance these may not necessarily seem to go together, but after reading The Vortex, I can appreciate how they are at the very heart of creating.
One thing I appreciate from my time spent with Journeys is how my concept of God has expanded, because of the freedom of spiritual exploration Journeys promotes. One of the few constants that scientists agree on is that the universe is constantly expanding. Abraham-Hicks would add that the universe, and everything in it is made up of vibrational energy that is expanding.

Now consider Abraham’s premise that the purpose of human existence is to allow the divine to grow, through of the experiences that you and I, and everyone else on this earth has during our lifetimes. So not only are we all connected to each other and the divine, we are all also involved in expanding the conscious awareness of Source Energy or God. We are not just some minute specks of organic matter in an infinite galaxy, but in fact our lives matter very much.

Not only is this expansion happening outside of us, but within us as well. According to Abraham, we can tell when we are tapping into Source Energy by how we feel because the divine is vibrational energy and our feelings and the thoughts producing our feelings are also vibrational energy. So when our thoughts vibrate at a higher energy level we are approaching the vibration of Source Energy and we feel good, and when we’re not we don’t.
Feelings like compassion, forgiveness, hope, joy, and love have higher vibrational energies and feel much better than feelings like despair, guilt, anger, resentment, frustration, and which have lower energy levels. And since energy is a continuum, we feel more or less good at any given time.
Knowing how we are feeling is our inner guidance of how well we are connecting to Source, if we pay attention. Because the thoughts that produce these feelings are a trigger for attracting like vibrations. It’s the old ‘birds of a feather flock together’ idea. And when our vibrational energy aligns with Source Energy that combined creative energy attracts like a beacon. And then the people, the situations, the materials, and the ideas necessary to produce whatever we are trying to create show up.

New desires and expanding consciousness are brought about by life’s challenges or what Abraham calls contrast. Life gives us so many opportunities to decide what we want and therefore what we do not want. It is this contrast which brings about the desire for improvement, which ultimately drives creation.

Well, I thought let me go through today paying attention to my thoughts and feelings. This will be easy. I am optimistic. I am open to change, and I absolutely understand what this involves. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. As I went through the day I became aware of how often I was stopping myself from having negative thoughts. By the end of that day I was literally tired of my negative thoughts and the struggle to somehow suck them back in before the universe got hold of them. So I had to take a look at this and acknowledge that I was not being nearly as positive as I thought I was and that this was not going to be as easy as I initially thought.

Many of you are familiar with Wayne Dyer and that is why we used the clip from The Power of Intention. In all of his books Dyer builds on the ideas of the vibrational power of thought, of being the change you wish to see in the world, and of connecting with Source Energy. In his latest book, Excuses Be Gone, he discusses ‘memes,’ which are low energy, disempowering thoughts that become part of our personal beliefs either because we have heard them so often that we no longer question their validity, or because of conclusions we have drawn from our life experiences. Beliefs are thoughts that we think a lot, so these are things that we are giving a lot of energy to. Some of my meme favorites, the ones I grew up hearing are: don’t ask for too much. Children should be seen and not heard. You get what you deserve. Learn to make do with what you have. Nothing worth having is free. These memes tend to kick in when we are at low ebb because life has just given us some unexpected challenge, or as Abraham would say lots of contrast. Memes are often tied to feelings from situations in our past, and these feelings can have a lot of sticky residue attached that is full of misinformation.

In the past, I tried to pass on some of my memes on to my children and now I hope that they did not listen. Because now that I recognize how much low energy thoughts can adversely affect our lives. According the both Abraham and Dyer, the universe is all-inclusive. It doesn’t discriminate. If I think about something I do want it sends me that and if I think about something that I don’t want, it also sends me that. I will get whatever I focus on, whatever I give energy to.
It is harder than it sounds to change your patterns of thought. I can’t tell you how frustrating it was not only to catch myself having negative thoughts, but having the same negative thought. It was almost as if my mind was saying well let’s see if I can sneak it in here. Abraham suggests that if you cannot replace a negative thought with a positive one, then change whatever you are thinking about. That was often easier for me.

Another premises of Abraham’s is that the same universe that inspires us to have a desire, whatever it may be, is also capable of fulfilling it. So why aren’t we all living in bliss? Well the other part of co-creating has to do with allowing, or going with the flow. What does this mean? In our next video clip we hear about a poet who goes with the flow by not trying to control how her inspiration comes to her, but simply allows it to come. One would think this would be such an obvious, intuitive response but it isn’t. How many times have you heard someone spell out in great detail everything they want in a job, or a house, or a vacation, or a partner and then finish with, “but that will never happen for me.” These individuals are so inspired about the improvement they want in their lives, and then resist or block it from coming to them with negative feelings and energy.

The meme of being essentially undeserving or unworthy must block an awful lot of creative flow. Both Dyer and Abraham say that it is the number one behavior people use to block their creative thoughts from becoming their reality. It can show up in lots of different forms, such as ‘I wasn’t born rich,’ I wasn’t born beautiful,’ I ‘m not smart,’ ‘that’s not the way I was raised.’ Abraham calls this type of blocking the flow turning up-stream. It’s a very effective visual metaphor for the friction we create in our lives when we don’t pay attention to what our feelings are telling us about our thoughts and ultimately our connection with Source Energy.

Did you know that “flow” research exists? Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer has applied her creativity for more than 30 years to the study of human behavior. In l979 Langer created an elaborate experiment by replicating a complete environment from the year l959, right down to its magazines, newspapers, and music. Then she told all her elderly male subjects who had volunteered to live in the setting for seven days, to start thinking, talking, and otherwise acting as they had twenty years before. In a stunning demonstration of the power of mind over matter, the old men grew visibly younger-not just in their frisky attitude, but even in their physiology. Medical examinations showed that they stood straighter and were more flexible. Even their fingers, which shorten with age, grew longer.” It sounds to me like they were definitely in the flow and liking it!

So what can we do to have more positive feelings rather than negative ones, and get in the flow of Source Energy more often? One thing that just about every spiritual teacher advocates is meditation and we have planned a guided meditation later in this service.

Another thing we can do is practice appreciation or gratitude. I have found this one practice can put me in a better frame of mind no matter where I am or what the circumstances. I can always find something to appreciate, and in that moment my attitude begins to shift. Another practice is that of affirmations. Later in the service we will be passing our ‘malas’ or affirmation beads to be used much like rosary beads.

I have to tell you that since I began working on choosing more positive thoughts and feelings, things have gotten better. I am getting better at resisting the urge to nit-pick or criticize and instead look for something to compliment or appreciate. I am putting my focus on what I actually have some control over which is me in relationship to my work, my family, and my friends. I try not to give any thought or energy to things I can’t control like the economy, war, politics, and what others are doing. I’m beating the drum of or talking more about what’s good in my life and less about things I don’t like. And it is hard not to focus on wanting to justify a position, or wanting complain about hurt feelings, or not making the effort to find something positive about a situation. But I have noticed that as I continue paying attention to my feelings and thoughts, with an awareness of only feeding what I want more of, these patterns are changing. I’m starting to feel less constricted and more free, less anxious and more optimistic, less tired and more relaxed.

An intriguing paradox to all of this has been that the more I focus on me and my thoughts and feelings, the more positive spillover there has been for those around me. Work has definitely picked up, laughter is more audible in my house, and I am definitely happier and more productive. I know that this work is never finished but I actually like being a work in progress.

Winfred Gallagher ends her book, Rapt Attention and the Focused Life, with this paragraph, “I’ve become much more aware of how the way I feel affects what I pay attention to and vice versa. Depending on my emotional state du jour, I might barely notice the stack of dirty dishes that someone has dumped in the sink or perceive it as a smoldering Mt. Vesuvius. Should the latter reaction prevail, I’ve learned that I can ameliorate its consequences for all concerned by refocusing on the situation in a different light-the party responsible is not an awful person but perhaps only distracted by a big project-or by shifting my attention to something else for a while. Simple as it sounds, this strategy is surprisingly effective. To paraphrase John Milton, ‘Heaven or hell?’ It will depend on what I focus on.”

What Abraham calls the ‘eternally focused creator’ is that part in all of us that calls to us with love and is always waiting for renewed connection. So what will you choose for the coming year? This reflection is not necessarily a road map for anyone but me. None-the-less I hope that you have heard something that makes you think or that reminds you of something you have found useful but forgotten, or something that has been said differently enough to give you an “aha” moment. Creating our life experiences is something we have far more power over than many of us are acknowledging, and it is exciting. So why not dream big and bold, and see what that feels like. Heaven or Hell-It depends how and what we focus on.

A Christmas Reflection……It seems the holidays we have been experiencing come around more rapidly every year. I remember as a child hearing old folks like me make this statement and I couldn’t believe what they were saying. It felt just the opposite to me, Christmas seemed like forever coming and as the countdown of days till Christmas began around Thanksgiving, it seemed like Christmas would never come.Back then I approached Christmas with tremendous expectancy. I mean I really looked forward to it. And as it drew near my excitement and anticipation reached unbelievable heights and spilled over into my sleep each night, keeping me awake with anticipation.I’ve thought about it and have decided that these childhood emotions, like so many, held deep clues about how to relate to life.Those who make it their career to study the human experience have noticed a kind of inherent wisdom among the young. Lots of folks have commented on the admirable attitudes and traits of the young. We all speak of holding on to aspects of life that are more typically abundant among the young. We want to always be young at heart, to keep our spirits young even as our bodies age.And so as this Christmas season approached I tried to recapture a measure of that youthful excitement and anticipation. And in so doing, just maybe I could make this Christmas one of the special ones.I think it is particularly appropriate to find ways to nurture our excitement about the future. To me this is precisely what Christmas is all about. It is fundamentally and simply a reminder that hope, and positive expectations and anticipation are valid orientations to life.A few weeks ago Harry shared with many of us some pictures taken by the Hubble telescope. I have a friend who works at NASA, a real rocket scientist as we say, and he’s also shown me pictures like this. Looking at these images and gazing into the light unpolluted night sky on my farm is a humbling experience. In one of the pictures taken by the Hubble there is a galaxy that is at least 1000 times larger than our solar system. We can’t tell just how much larger than our solar system it is but we know it is at least 1000 times larger.My rocket scientist friend tells the story of aiming the Hubble in an area of space where there was thought to be nothing. He said seven weeks later what came into view were galaxies and solar systems greater than all the previously observed systems in space.If images like this don’t convey the vastness of the mystery we are caught up in I don’t know what could.To me the Christmas story is an awesome story about the all powerful One, the One behind and responsible for this vast mystery, reaching out from within this vastness in generosity extending a message of hope to us all; a hopeful message that it’s O.K. to be caught up in this mystery and a hopeful message that it’s appropriate to anticipate, to expect goodness and meaning can be ours as we accept and take our journey through this mystery we call life.Look at that first Christmas, a seemingly hopeless situation, a struggle against overwhelming circumstances and yet out of that modest place, out of barn on a cold dark night mankind was offered the most powerful guiding light; deep clues as to how to make the life journey the gift its Giver intended it to be.For me Christmas offers a powerful message that it’s O.K. to be caught up in this vast mystery and the reassuring message that all of our moments, even the seemingly hopeless ones, can be the prelude to wonderful new tomorrows.I’ve lived a while, 66 years, and I’ve come up against devastating experiences, experiences too difficult for me to understand and I have found the Christmas message of hope to be true. I have found that if we are open to it God will meet us in our moments of loss and despair and will help us rise from those times to experience wonderful newness of life and hope. With loss and despair there is, through God’s help, as Paul Harvey use to say, the rest of the story. If we are willing to trust that all the goodness that God has for us in this gift of life is not over, then we can get up from our down times and find new joy and meaning. Christmas says this to me.And Christmas shows me, points the way to seize this hope. You know what it is? It’s the giving, the generosity that God exercised, the love extended to us; this is the deep clue that shows us the way to seize hope and be overcome with excitement and anticipation.One of the great lessons of this season is the how to part of the Christmas message. Christmas promises us that the tough times are not the defining times. Christmas assures us that the mystery is still unfolding and that new days, full of meaning and joy, are out there on our life paths. And Christmas also points the way, shows us how to make this hope real.It’s the giving. You want to claim God’s assurance that this life gift is a good gift, then be like God. Be a giver. It’s the giving that opens the door to hope.The message Christmas offers is a reminder that you and I, like God, in whose image we are made, are also givers. And that as we give expression to who we really are, as we become the givers we were meant to be, we experience the joy and meaning we were meant to experience.So I’m trying to let Christmas reinforce and grow me in this realm of giving. And I’m trying to give the best gifts, gifts from the heart, gifts out of love for and mindfulness of others. And I pay attention to others, the generous ones, who are making real the promise of hope because their actions instruct me and make me a better giver.I try to study at the feet of the good givers because they are the fortunate ones. They know how wonderful the gift of life can be and they know that difficult and challenging times can’t block or defeat this wonder, this meaning, this joy. Like God, they know the power of generosity. Think of it, the all powerful One gives expression to this power through love, through generosity.And there are lessons all around us as to how to do this.A couple of days ago there was a piece on the news. A family was put onto the street because their house burned to the ground. Some one, a stranger, seeing an account of this on the news contacted the TV station, got in touch with this family and got them shelter, clothing and gifts for Christmas. This woman was interviewed and asked why she did this. She responded, “Are you kidding, this was my Christmas present to myself. I’m having the best Christmas ever.”I heard about another man who was handing out money on a street corner. And he was asked, why? And he said, “It feels so good. You should try it sometime.” I bet it would be an incredible experience and I bet it would have a ripple effect. Just like the day a stranger in the car in front of me paid my toll at a tollbooth, I do that too now and I bet some of those strangers whose tolls I have paid are paying the tolls of others.Again on the news Friday there was a story of a marvelous woman, almost totally paralyzed by muscular dystrophy that is a bell ringer for the Salvation Army. Her friends and family roll her in her bed to the store where she uses her last remaining functioning limb to ring the bell. And as she was interviewed she had the glow of joy that only the most fortunate of us experience.On the Internet this past week I saw a series of pictures taken of a man who jumped into the cold water to rescue a dog. And the last picture in the series was one of him. He had that same glow about him.And I take instruction from others and from books and movies like Pay it Forward and Magnificent Obsession, Lloyd Douglas’ story about a troubled young man who found himself and the true joy that the life gift can be through exercising generosity. Generosity became his magnificent obsession.And the O’Henry fable, the Gift of the Magi; you remember that one. A young man sells his most prized possession, a gold watch, to buy combs for his wife to use for her most prized possession, her long beautiful hair; not knowing that she had sold her hair to buy him a chain for his watch.Through instruction like this I try to be a more and more accomplished giver. And I’ve noticed the best gifts, like the TV commercial says, are the ones that are not available in any story. They are the gifts like time, like forgiveness, like thoughtfulness, like listening; gifts like caring, like simply being there, gifts like a caring mindfulness of others.And man are these wonderful gifts to receive. You know it too. I’ve been blessed with many of these. And they truly are treasures. Treasures like a note I got the other day from an old friend sharing love and appreciation. Gifts like what you sent me Kathy, and you Susan, the information about these new approaches to pain management.And gifts like the affirmation from friends in Southern Pines, people who will always be dear to me; and like touching base with a dear friend who shines a light on my path.The example of others, the gifts others give to us as well as the gifts we hear others offering, these examples are wonderful instruction as to how we can get better and better at this business of giving and thereby seize the goodness and hope God offered that cold night in Bethlehem and continues to offer us all.Of all the things we can offer to one another, of all the advice and guidance we can share with each other about how to have a good life, there is nothing more important than the guidance we can offer each other about how to get better and better at this business of giving.Whoever said there is no such thing as true altruism, was dead on right. Whatever benefit our generosity has for others, it tremendously benefits us.And so I’m excited again. I’m back there where I was as a child, caught up in excitement and expectation, getting back to that sleep disturbing level of anticipation. And I’m already giving and receiving, opening up wonderful gifts. And I’m getting better and better at taking a proactive approach to this giving, really putting some thought into the giving.Four of us, dear friends, with a long history of knowing each other, planned and carried off a wonderful weekend together a couple of weeks ago. It was an awesome gift. We sat around, told stories, laughed and bathed in the wonderful gift of friendshp. And looking back on it a couple of days later, one of these friends said, what a wonderful time. The love between us all is so apparent.I’m giving some letters to other old friends and I’m giving my sons a letter, sharing what I hope are some words instructed by life experiences and sharing my love for them.New friends, people I’ve only known a little over a year, have moved on to the farm where I live. What a wonderful gift.A man I use to work with came by the other day and we took a ride up to visit someone we use to work with. What a wonderful gift. Another very special day.A man who use to be my student sent me a device, an ultraviolent light therapy device to see if it could offer my painful ankle some benefit. I was touched, still am, by his thoughtfulness and generosity.A stranger got my address from a friend and sent me a note telling me something I had written to this friend had been shared with him and touched him. What a wonderful gift.I’m doing another concert for my mom, practicing some of the old hymns she loves and playing them for her in a telephone concert.Several of us living on the farm had a party a couple of weeks ago. Melia and her friend Debbie trimmed the tree with 50 little stockings and in each one was an opportunity, an envelope, to give to orphaned children. Everyone went home from the party with a wonderful gift certificate, an opportunity for special generosity.I’ve made it a point to bring a joke with me every time I visit my doctor or my physical therapist or go to the store and I’ve offered them with good results to friends and strangers.I’ve been visiting a little more regularly an old equine friend, one of my four legged friends, bringing him the kind of treats he likes and rubbing him between the ears where he likes to be touched. He lets me know how much it means to him and I really enjoy our visits. Don’t forget animals were an important part of the Christmas story and are our partners sharing the life gift with us.My sons, including an adopted one, along with his wife, were here for Christmas. We drew names again this year. The way we do it is you go out and buy yourself a gift from the person whose name you drew. You wrap it up and put it under the tree. The suspense Christmas morning isn’t seeing what you received. It’s seeing what you gave. And it’s entirely appropriate to exclaim upon opening your gift, “Oh my, how did you know. This is exactly what I wanted.”Finally, remember, the Christmas message is so powerful because it shows us a winning path, not just for this season but for all the seasons of our lives.It gives us the powerful message that, even though we can’t begin to imagine the vastness of all that is, that we are a loved part of it and that it is more than O.K. to find ourselves in possession of this gift we call life and that one of the powerful reasons it is O.K. is that hope always lives on and love always remains, even when all seems lost.Christmas says to you and me that hope lies all around us, that the good stuff of life, you know, love, forgiveness, caring, companionship, the beauty of nature, and art, beautiful stories of which we can be a part; Christmas says all of this is ours, waiting for us to claim.Now if that doesn’t excite you, if that doesn’t heighten your expectation, nothing will. Christmas points the way to realize the longing of our hearts to have these most precious gifts.And it’s through being like God; it’s through stepping out into the mystery of life and calling for these gifts through being givers that we find life the gift God intended it to be.And how do we do it. How do we call for love, for forgiveness, for nature’s beauty and power, for a beautiful story, for the gift of art and beauty, for the power of human kindness? We simply do it by being love, by exercising mindfulness and thought toward others, by extending our love, our forgiveness, by participating in opportunities to be a part of a beautiful story, by drawing close to nature and the beauty of art, and by being an instrument of kindness to others.These are the gifts an expectant heart longs for and these are the gifts that can keep our spirits excited and can fuel our hunger for more of this mysterious gift.And the beautiful thing about these gifts is that our hearts long for them in all the seasons of life, not just in this season and the good news is they can be ours all of our days.And so I invite you to embrace the gift of assurance and hope God extended us all that cold night in Bethlehem so long ago and keeps on offering us. Know that hope never dies and that this hope is yours. All you have to do to seize it is be like God. Be like you were made to be. Be a giver and hope will never leave you.POST SCRIPTIt can be a hard time of year, this holiday season. It can be a time of year when we can be reminded of what is missing in our live; when we compare our lives to those around us who seem to be blessed by loving families who are close and draw closer around hearth and home this time of year; a time when we sense that we aren’t like these; when we look at these fortunate ones and judge our lives as lacking a significant measure of this hearth and home. Feeling our aloneness is particularly hard this time of year.Well, let me tell you something. There is simply in my opinion no valid reason to accept participation in this mystery we are caught up in outside of the opportunity to be a loving, giving being. I know of no other way to make sense of the mystery. I know of no other way to make sense of the inevitable trials and challenges that make up life and no other way to address the pain of loneliness.All of us want the good life. All of us want to have the good stuff. Beyond the attainment or satisfaction of our basic physical needs, food, shelter, clothing; stuff, material things, cannot give us the good life. The good life is the life that knows love, the life that knows forgiveness, both the giving and the receiving it, the life that notices beauty, the life that is moved by and participates in powerful stories, and the life that gets real familiar with the stuff of human kindness. This is the stuff of the good life. And what more powerful reminder of it than a story about the all powerful One reaching out in generosity, giving the greatest possession of all, in a powerful act of generosity; God, the one behind and within the mystery, choosing to be love, choosing to give the greatest gift.The One we counted on to bring us the good ole days can be counted on to bring us good new days. All we have to do is follow His example and be the generous ones He made us to be.Merry Christmas. May God bless you.

 When I began thinking about what I would say this morning, one of the lines from the song you just heard, “People”, popped into my head – “People, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world”.   But despite the fact that I own nearly every Barbra Streisand movie, I’m embarrassed to say I only knew the one line.  So I had to Google the lyrics.  I was surprised by how simple yet poignant the words were.  I particularly liked the line “But first be a person who needs people.”  Above all else, it’s saying, be someone who understands the need to connect with other people.  I believe this is the why we are here, the purpose of life, to connect with other human beings.

 

I think it’s a bit difficult for us Americans to admit that we “need” other people.    This country was built on the idea of individual freedom and independence.   Over the past 200 some odd years, the meaning of the word “Independent” has turned into something that encompasses much more than was originally intended.   When I think of someone who is described as being “independent”, I think of someone who is strong, capable, smart, self-aware.  These are the adjectives I’ve used when I’ve proudly commented about my 9 year old daughters independent spirit.   Being independent is something we aspire to.  And, as we age, it’s something we desperately want to maintain.

 

Webster’s, however, defines independent as “not looking to others for one’s opinions or for guidance in conduct”.   It doesn’t say anything about strength or capability, and it doesn’t imply intelligence.  Certainly the ability to seek wise council is often a more intelligent option than asserting ones independence. 

 

Being dependent, or someone in need, “needy”, on the other hand, is defined as “being in want; marked by want of affection, attention, or emotional support.”  Wanting affection, attention or emotional support - doesn’t this describe what we all want?   

 

Yes, we were raised in a culture that reveres independence.  Our cultural icons and hero’s are those who go it alone like the lone cowboy, or, like Superman, can save an entire planet single-handedly.   Our national symbol is the American Bald Eagle, a fierce and solitary predator.  Generation after generation of Americans grew up with the notion that being “independent”, is the thing to aspire too.  As a result, too many families taught their children to keep a “stiff upper lip”, “not to air their dirty laundry in public”,  and consequently to “suffer in silence”.

 

In 1928, Herbert Hoover, in his last presidential campaign speech, coined the term “rugged individualism”.  He said, “through this American system of rugged individualism … our American experiment in human welfare has yielded a degree of well-being unparalleled in the world.”   Really? 

 

At the time this speech was given, African Americans were still not allowed to vote and were living largely below the poverty level.  It was typical to put handicapped individuals into institutions. The duration of their lives spent separated from family.  Insane asylums were in every state, practicing tooth removal, bloodletting, spinning, ice-water baths, and Electroshock therapy on their patients.   And, it was common for young pregnant girls to be sent off, away from their families, to deliver their babies, only to be forced to put them up for adoption whether they wanted to or not, and  then left to live with the guilt and shame.  This was happening in my parent’s generation. 

 

I’m not implying that our country’s desire for independence from England was the cause for these types of injustices, nor am I arguing against teaching our children how to become self-sufficient, but certainly our quest to be “rugged individualists” did not, as Herbert Hoover stated, “yield a degree of well-being unparalleled in the world.”  

 

Fortunately, as Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” and we are doing better.   As a country and as a society we’ve come a long way in a relatively short period of time.   

 

 

You’ve probably all heard that Oprah Winfrey recently announced she will end her television show in 2011.   She is someone that certainly has had an impact not only in our country but around the world.  Reporter Sheri Parks in a newspaper article wrote this about Oprah:

 

“[Oprah] helped to transform the public sphere of American life through what some have called the “Oprahfication” of our culture, by making it OK for grown people to be emotional in public, to talk about ourselves in ways that were deemed impolite before. She pulled conversations about our bodies, our private family troubles, our money (or lack of it) into the open. Our parents and grandparents smiled in public and suffered in private, even in times of national despair. The most prominent image of the Great Depression is the photograph Dorothea Lange took of Florence Owens Thompson, her face worn, her eyes weary yet stoically looking into the distance.

Oprah changed that by talking about her own body, her family, her past. She showed us other people’s problems and brought in a parade of experts to help them. But the last words were always hers, the ones that reminded you that healing was always a viable option. Oprah taught America to face its own traumas, yet to know that with time comes the healing; after suffering can come redemption.”

 

What Oprah has been doing the past 25 years is connecting people on a grand scale, letting us all know we are not alone and helping us to heal our emotional wounds.   It’s no wonder she has been such a phenomenon.  

 

Unfortunately, Oprah’s impact on our culture has not been enough.  Despite the shift in our ability to communicate openly about our struggles and needs, individually Americans are not fairing better.  In fact, we are in the midst of a downward trend emotionally.  An article from Everyday Health, The Healing Power of Friendships, states:

“Today, more and more people are facing the challenges of loneliness. According to a 2006 study in the American Sociological Review, on average most Americans feel that they have two close friends, down from three friends two decades ago in 1985. During this same period, the percentage of people reporting no close confidantes rose from 10 percent to almost 25 percent, with 19 percent citing only one close relationship — often with a spouse.”

 

 

 

It’s a well known fact that infants will die without human contact.  It is as necessary to their survival as food, water and shelter.  But saying this is true about infants implies this is a stage we outgrow.  If so, when?   At toddlerhood do we suddenly no longer need human contact?  In the teen years?  I don’t know of a time when the drive for human contact is greater than when we’re teens.  Adulthood then?  Of course we don’t outgrow our need for human contact.  In fact, being socially isolated can be dangerous for the health of adults as well.   That same article goes on to say:

 

“with isolation also comes a greater risk for serious health issues, such as high blood pressure and death from a stroke or heart disease, according to a study done by researchers at the University of Chicago. They also found that links between loneliness and rates of cancer run parallel, as do increases in inflammation and decreases in antibody production.”

 

 

And here’s something I just read in an article published on Friday by CNN.

“New research suggests loneliness can actually travel from person to person, spreading up to three degrees of separation. That means if your neighbor’s cousin’s friend is lonely, you may have a good chance of being lonely, too.  Seriously.

 

The results, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, were also mentioned in the recent book “Connected” by Dr. Nicholas Christakis of Harvard University and James Fowler of the University of California, San Diego.

 

John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago who has written a book called “Loneliness,” teamed up with Christakis and Fowler to study the effect of this phenomenon in social networks. The authors focused on data from the Framingham Heart Study, which has followed thousands of people in Framingham, Massachusetts, since 1948.

 

If a direct connection in your social network is lonely, you are 52 percent more likely to be lonely, the researchers found. At two degrees of separation — a friend of a friend — it’s 25 percent. At three degrees, someone who knows your friend’s friend, it’s 15 percent.

 

By helping lonely people on the periphery of a social network, “We can create a protective barrier against loneliness that will keep the whole network from unraveling,” Christakis and Fowler wrote in “Connected.”

“This series of studies shows us that we don’t just live in individual worlds, but are influenced often in unconscious ways of which we are not aware,” he said.’

 

 

 

All of the major world religions have some form of the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  For example:

Confuscianism says, ““Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you” Analects 15:23

 

Islam says, “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”

 

The Talmud says, “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary.”  

 

Why is this “law” supreme to all others?   I believe it’s because we need one another.   If we don’t treat people with respect, kindness, compassion and dignity, we run the risk of cutting off our connection from them.   We need one another.

 

 

When I first came to Journeys, I was at the scariest, most fearful time in my life.  My son had just been diagnosed with autism and a family member, someone I am extremely close to, attempted to commit suicide.   As I had done in the past, whenever I experienced a significant bump in my journey, I would go about searching for a church I could attend, often with a friend.   It was my search “to be in the company of good people” as I described it.  Time and time again, however,  I was unable to get the support that I needed.  This time, however, I found Journeys Community, and I experienced a sense of comfort and acceptance I had never felt before.

 

One of the first people I met was a woman by the name of Jeannie McDermott.   You can only imagine how surprised I was when we met and she told me that she was a special education teaching working with children with autism.   I thought I had  been led to Journeys and to her.   When I told Jeannie that my son had just been diagnosed with autism the first thing she said to me was, “How are you?”   Those three little words were the most powerful healing words in the world in that moment.  No one had asked me this.  My friends and family were supportive, and they all told me how sorry they were, but no one asked “How are you?”  Needless to say the flood gates opened and my own healing had begun. 

 

Not long after that, I learned that Jeannie had found Journeys Community in search of a place where she too could find some comfort and support.  She was struggling with a diagnosis of terminal liver cancer.  At that time we were meeting weekly -I can still see Jeannie - no matter how sick she felt, she would drive herself to our services and always walk in with a smile on her face and comforting words for others.   Sadly, Jeannie died in May of 2003.  She was Journey’s first funeral service.

 

I know for a fact, that many of us that have come to Journeys, have come out of a need to be supported through a difficult time.  Some have stayed and some have not. There is just something about being surrounded by a group of like-minded individuals, who are on a similar spiritual path that buoys us up.  Even without a speaking a word, just sitting together is comforting. 

 

I’ve sung at a handful of funerals in my life.  Jeannie’s was the first and Christina Seufert’s was the last.  This Christmas Eve, will be the 2^nd anniversary of Christina’s death.   Most of you won’t remember her.  She only attended one Journeys service – a healing service.   

 

Christina was 37 when she died, the younger sister of my oldest, dearest friend.   She had a difficult childhood.  She and her sister were raised by a mother who was one of those unfortunate teenage girls who got pregnant by her high school sweetheart and was sent away to deliver her baby and forced to give it up for adoption.   The two high school sweethearts eventually married and had two more children, my friend and Christina.  

 

Unfortunately, their mother was plagued with anger and shame over the baby she was forced to give up and these emotions wreaked havoc on her ability to mother.    My friend took on the role of caretaker and was the adult in the family, while Christina just got lost.  She ended up running away from home at a very young age, became homeless and was addicted to drugs.   

 

Eventually, Christina came home, got clean and found a good job.   She completely turned her life around and committed herself to helping others get sober and also to “being there” for her family.  Perhaps to make up for the all the years she was not “there”. 

 

Unfortunately, as a result of her drug use, Christina contracted Hepatitis C and became very ill.  This time two years ago, she was preparing for what we all hoped would be a life-saving liver transplant.  But before that could happen she suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm.  Through some miracle Christina did not die immediately.  She held on for several weeks giving her family time to say their goodbyes, and died on Christmas Eve.

 

I would have loved to have known Christina better.   The things I learned about her far too late, told me that she was someone I would have connected with had I taken the time to really know her.  I believe we would have had more in common than not.  After she passed away I learned about Christina’s philosophy about life.   She said this, “you just show up.”  

 

Whenever a friend or relative passed away, no matter where they lived, or how close they were, Christina went to the funeral, often guilting her sister into joining her by saying,  “You just show up.  That’s what you have to do.  You have to show up.”   Christina understood the importance of being present with people in their time of need and that is a lesson I will always carry with me.

 

I found the following passage by Thich Naht Hanh and I hope Christina is listening.  I think she would have been pleased by the fact that her personal philosophy so closely aligned with that of such a respected religious leader.  

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote this:

 

“To love, in the context of Buddhism, is above all, to be there. But being there is not an easy thing. Some training is necessary, some practice. If you are not there, how can you love? Being there is very much an art, the art of meditation, because meditating is bringing your true presence to the here and now.  The question that arises is “Do you have time to love?  Do you have enough time to love?  Can you make sure that in your everyday life you have a little time to love?” We do not have much time together; we are too busy. In the morning while eating breakfast, we do not look at the person we love. We eat very quickly while thinking about other things, and sometimes we even hold a newspaper that hides the face of the person we love. In the evening when we come home, we are too tired to be able to look at the person we love. We must bring about a revolution in our way of living our everyday lives, because our happiness, our lives are within ourselves.”

 

 

My husband said to me recently, “Why do you attract so many strays?”  He was really asking, “What is it about you - what is wrong with you - that you invite all these needy people into your life?”  I thought about this for days, at first convinced that indeed something must be wrong with me.  And then I heard a small voice inside me say, “Duh! We need one another.”  We need one another.  I knew then that there was nothing wrong with me.  I feel blessed.  I am grateful to all those needy people (just like me) that have allowed me to be present with them in their suffering and to those that have done the same for me.  

 

So do you have enough time for love?  As we enjoy this holiday season, can we all make sure we have time to love?  Can we do as Christina would have us do and simply “show up”?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In W. Va. 25 years ago I was exposed to Rev. James Fowler’s book: “Stages of Faith” Fowler describes 6 stages and a developmental progression. First and Second stages are children’s stage - our faith is what we understand of the faiths of the people around us.
Third stage faith sees God as out there or up there - and the authority and wisdom and power - and the responsibility - are out there. [drop to knees - put hands up is supplicant prayer position to demonstrate]. So we plead and praise and beg.

Fourth stage we say ‘yeah, sure out there - but also in here’ -and we touch our chests to indicate that there is a part of the divine within each of us.

Since I learned the Fowler stages and studied at Unity I’ve thought of myself as fourth stage.

From W. Va I returned to Tucson briefly and visited St. Francis of the Foothills; a 4th stage Methodist church. I returned to Huntington and looked for a church like that one. We got a lot of house visits from ministers following up on our one visit to each church. All were third stage. We needed to chose a different path.

Now I picture myself on a ladder climbing toward the light - and usually I know and feel that the light is already glowing within me and I see my self and the people I do my spiritual practice with all climbing toward the light and we are all lit from within.

Just one thing - with that vision of the light within it is easy to develop an sense of ‘I am not third stage’ an arrogance or specialness.

For Fowler 5th stage is becoming aware there are many paths to experience the divinity within. [visual - many ladders grounded in many faiths and people on them are all climbing toward the great light and all are lit from within. Great visual]

and if you look at the bases of the ladders you see all the faiths represented.
And now we are ready to LIGHT THE CANDLES for all faiths.”

CANDLES

REFLECTION:

When I first came to Baltimore I went to a literacy conference. Famous Amos was a principal speaker. His message was: “Focus on what you want to have happen. Do not focus on what you do not want.” And here was the kicker in his keynote address: “What you resist, persists.” He said it a few times so it would really stick with each of us: “What you resist, persists. Focus on what your intent is; focus on your goals.”

Says a lot to me about our wars on drugs, on poverty, on terrorism. We resist; they persist.
Unfortunately, whining and complaining indicate our focus is on what is not wanted and resisted. The undesired circumstances seem to go on and on.

3] ‘Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy’ postulates a universe in which there is one planet world, Kricket, that always has a cloud covered sky. No stars. If those people could see the stars they would know there are other worlds. If they know there are other worlds they would want to destroy or dominate over every other society, over every other world. Kind of fanciful and strange.
We are more fortunate. From Earth we can see some stars most nights. We always know the star filled night sky is there. But imagine, if our sky was obscured and the stars only came out one night every thousand years, that one night would be such a night of awe and wonder that would create religions and spiritual practices that would last hundreds of generations. We would celebrate this long unseen event if the last occurrence were hundreds of years ago. Imagine for a moment we had these constant clouds and they rolled back for one night of stars in 1776 on the one night this nation celebrates as the 4th of July. If the stars had come out one night back then and not since, we would be people worshiping something not seen by any of us but only heard about in folklore and myth. An event like that leaves a incredible impression.

Still, the stars are pretty ordinary; they come out almost every night and some nights we get a pretty good look. But most of us are not looking, not allowing that experience of awe and joy and wonder. I am too often inside watching dancing with the stars.

4] When my son was 13 he and I drove from Phoenix to LA to attend a Re Evaluation Counseling weekend workshop. On the way home we drove on the not yet completed I 10 from LA to Phoenix. It was night and we were on this unopened and unused superhighway, a hundred miles from any large source of light. The moon had set. Where we were it was really dark. When I got tired of driving we stopped in the middle of nowhere and spread a blanket out on the desert next to the unused road and lay on our backs and looked at the stars. It was a sky like I had never seen. So full of stars and across it like a speckled belt the Milky Way,
Just totally amazing. As I looked I was so overwhelmed with the magnificence of the universe in which we are living.

When I sit in stillness sometimes I bid that memory come back and it brings with it the joy and wonder and awe of that singular night when the stars aligned all over again.

5] SONG: Standing on the brink in joy and wonder.

I will sing this once - then musicians join me to sing it a second time

6] When I think of the multiplicities of ladders and all of the kindred folks climbing from their often differing fundamental roots I re-experience that joy and wonder. Kind of like being out on the desert and seeing all the skies that long ago California night.

This [on knees praying up] does not do it for me. Those I have talked to in this self selected group leave me suspect it does not do it for you either. Still, we are a diverse bunch with diverse interests and diverse beliefs.

When I think of this group and group cohesion I think about Hereafter and my cousin Ellen. She was about 16, raised with a lot more religion and bible study than I was. She did not know this guy very well and they were on a date, kind of, in his car, parked overlooking the lake. He tried to pull her close to kiss her and she pulled away.
He was calm about this. After a little while, then said. “Let’s play ‘hereafter’
What is that?
“Hereafter? Well, it is like this - if you are not here after what I am here after you will be here after I am gone.”

7] So here is what I am here after: A community in which we share certain ideas and the practices to reinforce them.

Turn away from what you do not want.
Turn toward what you do want.

[show with body action out the drama and decision] “Not that - this”

And you may have to make this a conscious choice every few seconds - until it becomes every few minutes and then every few hours. Requires training the consciousness. And here is why: I believe

Your habitual mental content weaves the pattern of your destiny

I need to remind myself from time to time what De Chardin said: “Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God.”

THAT [whatever you might want] would be so good - but…….

BUT what steals your joy?

a] needing validation from out there. Validation is great to get. But essentially it needs to be an inside job.
Don’t ask me to fill you up when there’s no bottom in your bucket.

B] Looking at your identification as your job or the tasks you have assigned yourself.
You need to look beyond your job description. Know there is something more than that in the answer to the question “Who are you”?

C] internal argument and conflict about the choice of direction,
I used to teach a class called: “free to have fun.” It was not about here to find a good singles bar or where to go for the best ski slopes.
[tell story] “Job first. Not enjoy it anyway. It won’t be fun”
Get the chorus going. HAND OUT A BATON - APPOINT THE PERSON “CONDUCTOR OF YOUR ORCHESTRA”

Look up Joy in Webster. Says well being.
So what are some of the ways to get back to well being?

Prayer or prayer treatment. What is prayer treatment for? as one 4th grader in religious science put it: “Prayer is how we remember truth”

Faith. And remember - faith in something negative is just as influential, as powerful as faith in something positive.

We draw to us what we constantly think about.
As Duane Dyer says, “when you change the way you look at things ,the things you look at change.

Be still. Listen. Get to a place where the noise quiets down. One of my favorite passages: “Be still and know that I am god’

Realign. Do not get caught up in the drama.

8] Merrill and the ‘it’s not fair”……..
“you are waiting for me”
Do not be distracted by the drama. It is a real pull .

9] Do not be distracted by the shiny objects either.

There is a story of Mohammed offering he prayer shawl to the first one of his disciples who could get all the way thru evening prayers without ever loosing his focus and his spiritual connection. And when the call to prayer sounded they all started to do the ritualized prayers, which involve a lot of physical stuff, prostration on the floor and standing with the arms just so and prostration again. Mohammed watched as, one at a time, the students lost their focus for a moment, and he could tell because each time the man would look up at him for a moment and when their eyes met he know. And finally there was only one disciple who had not lost his focus and he was in the last few moments of the ritual and he startled and looked up and their eyes met. He finished the prayers but they both knew.
Mohammed asked him ‘you were almost completed. What happened?
And he responded ‘for a moment I thought ‘the prayer shawl will be mine’.

Realign. Bring yourself back. Do not align with the craziness. do not be distracted by the drama. And do not let yourselves be distracted by shiny objects.

10] KEEP IN YOUR MIND A POSITIVE VISION.

Dad sometimes said grace. As he aged he asked me ‘say grace’ more and more frequently. So when Jane and I and my stepkids were in Florida visiting them we were at lunch on the lanai and I was asked. I nodded to Jane and the two boys and we sang what we sometimes sang at home. We got to watch as my parents sat is stunned silence sitting with their own experience of this invocation to their own internal spiritual experience We had rehearsed this:

May the long time sun shine upon you
all love surround you
and the pure white light within you
guide your way on.

I will sing this once

then musicians join me for second time and the third time is for everyone

In W. Va. I wanted to do a short workshop piece for the Marshall U students. I had learned it in Scottsdale from the Rabbi who did our Gestalt training.
We will do the brief version of it in a minute.

I went to Marshall U’s Interfaith building and asked for a space to do this. The ministers who ran the place decided I was not born again enough to use any space in a public university interfaith building. So I went to the Newman center - the Catholic students house on campus and asked father Jim, the Newman house priest. He said sure.
So this is what I did with the students:

[DO IT. elevator ride to God guided meditation]

The students liked it well enough. I asked Father Jim to tell me what I had done. And he said: “You helped the students to get connected to their indwelling Christ.” I was so amazed. Such a few words, traditional words, to describe such a fourth stage experience.
So yes, I believe this understanding is everywhere.
And my question for us: How well represented is it here?
You may be asking about now: What is the point?
Can I summarize some point for all of these stories?

Cultivate an appreciation of the extraordinary light within you.

Train your mind to focus on the positive and the desired outcome

And while you are at it cultivate an appreciation of the extraordinary ordinary. Cultivate within yourself an awareness of that ordinary extraordinary presence of the divine within each person you encounter.

The summary, in one word, is this: Namaste.

Namaste means: that which in me is divine notices and recognizes and acknowledges that of you which is divine.

OR: I see and recognize and honor the light of the divine within each of us. Namaste.

Namaste. [Repeat]

We certainly are living in troubled times.   As the song says sometimes windows of the world seems to be covered with rain - pain. We just turn on the TV or look at the newspaper and we see or read about all the pain and violence of our times.

.
I had a really peaceful childhood. There was no violence in our little mid-western town. Then when I was 11 I sat by an upright radio console and listened to America being told that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, I planted a Victory Garden when my uncles fought in the Second World War. The war did not touch me very much. I remember not being able to make fudge which I loved because our sugar was rationed. (Small sacrifice) I only saw a little about the war on the black and white newsreels at the local theater when I went each Saturday morning to to watch the cowboy movies. I lived through the Korean War, the advent of the atomic bomb and the violence it created, I was scared when Kennedy announced the Missile crisis, cried for 3 days in front of the TV when Kennedy was shot. It was then that my worldview was shattered. Until then I could not believe that a President in our country could be shot.

.
Of course I knew that others had, but it wasn’t in the world I knew at that time. Then Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy. Then the Ohio students being shot, the riots at the Democratic convention, the civil rights demonstrations and the demonstrations against the Vietnam war and we were participating in them. It was a frightening time, and there was so much violence. Life was not peaceful.

.
Then came the violence that would change our way of life in the country - probably forever. 9/11. It was shortly after that Journeys held our first service. After 9/11 I think we were all stunned, and we sought one another out to be together to grieve and find a sense security. Many, many changes have followed including the tightening of security at airports and buildings, the war in Afghanistan and Iraq, the many loses of privacy, the color coded heightened security announcements, shootings in schools, abortion clinics, and even churches and in Columbia neighborhoods. Indeed we are living in a very troubled world. And sometimes, I think that times are worse now as we are so connected around the world and there is much global unrest. The history of the world is full of wars and rumors of wars as the Bible says.
There have been only a few years in the history of the world that have been without a war going on someplace. But the war is also right here in our relationships, in our communities in our hearts that prevent us from feeling peaceful. And I think until we feel peaceful, peace cannot come to the world. So how DO we find peace, how CAN we be peaceful, how CAN we help the world be a more peaceful place? That is our challenge.

I believe that one of the best ways to bring peace to the world is to find peace within myself. Whenever I can presence a sense of peace that influences others. Some of you may know the Indian film which begins with a teenage boy yelling at his mother before he leaves for school. That upsets her and so she is mean to her maid. The maid then yells at the man at the market, and so on through 27 people in one day. Then the movie goes back to the beginning and shows how differently the day was when the first remark was a kind one. One day was full of turmoil and unhappiness and the other full of peace. A sense of peace can and does radiate out into the world to others.
Here are two examples of this on the national and international level. Last week our country mourned the loss of Ted Kennedy who was a great peace maker as he brought together people of differing views to produce new legislation. He created peace for many when he found ways to help them with their problems. He will be sorely missed for his peace making role in the Senate.

.
Another hero and peace maker is Greg Mortensen who after being injured in a mountain climb in Pakistan was cared for and nursed by the people in a small mountain village there. He saw that the children had no school building and promised to build them one. In fact in the years since 1993 he has built 90 schools in remote areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan. These schools are helping educate 34,000 children including 24,000 girls who normally would not be given any schooling. He has found a peaceful approach with the people, and in fact his book, Three Cups of Tea is required reading for military personnel at all ranks. I believe that these two people have brought peace to many in the world, and that if many people had inner peace, they would bring peace to the world.
But how to do that? How do we gain inner peace? There are different ways - being in nature, listening to music, being involved in a creative project and others you my use.

.
I decided about 30 years ago that one way for me was through meditation and so I took some training to learn how to meditate. When I first began, I could only sit for a minute or so, and my muscles would start to twitch, or I’d get an itch. I just couldn’t sit still, and my mind would race. Practice was the key. In the early days I set the timer for just a few minutes a day and then gradually lengthened the time until now I can sit for long periods without moving. I did a 10 day silent retreat of sitting and walking meditation 14 hours a day. That tamed my body and helped my busy mind begin to quiet. However, after all these years, it is still just always a practice to bring my mind to the breath or to centeredness that brings inner peace. Though I’ve taken TM and other forms of meditation, most of my study has been in Buddhist practices of mindfulness and through the teachings of the four Noble Truths, which the Buddha taught about life, two of which have been particularly important to me.

.
With mindfulness meditation we watch our thoughts and how we get hooked with a thought and lose the present moment. When I can stay in the present moment, I am more at peace. The Four Noble Truths that the Buddha taught are:

.
1. Life is Dukka or suffering - or that could be translated as challenging or difficult. When I was growing up I would not have understood that very much though many children in this world do know that all too well. All of us here know that I’m sure. Even when all is going well, there is always a little part of life that is not quite to our liking or perfect enough. Even if it is just that we worry our good feelings won’t last. Fundamentally it’s hard to be in a body and have relationships. Sometimes it is pleasant, sometimes it is unpleasant and the truth is that life is difficult. And it is helpful to know that that is just the way life is.

2. The second noble Truth that I have found helpful is that the cause of our suffering is our desire for things to be different from what they are. We want a different relationship or a better job or a new car or better weather or to be free of a disability or illness or to get more sleep.
There is more peace in life if we can accept things as they are. Life is what it is, and there are things we all must bear. I remember in the early 90’s I was experiencing extreme fatigue and a test found that I had elevated liver enzymes. That could mean hepatitis but my tests did not fit any of the known categories. Nevertheless, I was told to do nothing but rest for 6 weeks. I was very upset. I had important things to do, I was working as a teacher, counselor and healer - how could I possibly be sick myself? How could I not be involved in the frenzy of my life at that time?

.
Well, I learned that I could and the world kept going very well without me. Gradually, I came to accept the wisdom given me and I really began to rest. That became one of the most important learning times in my life. I began to quiet my body, mind and emotions and accepted what was right then. I experienced life as it was at that time and then great inner peace. I like the poem called The Guest House by Rumi that deals with accepting everything that comes. Life is what it is. Rumi says in the poem:
THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house,
Every morning a new arrival.
Joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently seep your house
Empty of its furniture,
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.

.
I have been practicing this, and when a feeling or thought I don’t like or a pain or whatever arrives and I can stay present enough to observe, I can welcome it as a guest, and a learning opportunity. I can also remind myself too that a guest is only temporary! Things come and go and everything changes.

.
3. The third noble truth is that peace is possible. In spite of having to accept life just as it is, of having to bear what
we must, still peace is possible.

.
The fourth noble truth is that it is possible through Meditation and the 8 fold path which essentially when followed will create wisdom, ethical behavior and mental discipline. All of these take practice.
We all get hooked with feelings of reactivity, anger, resentment, blame, judgment, jealousy, or feelings of hurt. And the tendency then is to lash out - to be right, (I love to be right!) to close down, to tighten, to feel threatened. We don’t like those kind of feelings and we want to get rid of them or strike out with words or actions. And then we create more suffering for ourselves and others and less peace in ourselves and the world.
Lately, I have been influenced by some writings of the author and Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron.
She says that when this happens - the rising of a strong feeling and our wanting to react to it - we have a choice - to pause, take a breath, and in that second either to lash out, to blame, to make a judgment, to speak in an unkind way - a choice whether to open or close, whether to hold on or to let go, whether to harden or soften, whether to say anything or not. And that choice is presented over and over. She says that behind any kind of aggression or tension, there is always a soft spot that we’re trying to protect. Someone’s actions hurt our feelings or we don’t like someone or something and before we even notice what we’re doing, we put up our defenses and create a story about it and hold on and then there is more suffering. Then because we may feel hurt or betrayed by someone, we also need to practice forgiveness. If we don’t forgive the other person, we won’t have peace in our hearts. We can push down the feelings for a while, but they will come out whenever we think of the person or happening that we blame, and it will disturb our peace. It takes patience and time and a choice to forgive and it is essential I think for peace.

The opportunity to stay still or act out requires not only choice, but great patience to stick with the uncomfortable feeling and not escalate the suffering. I have been practicing this, and some time ago, I was listening to a dialogue between two speakers about religion. Though they both had very strong beliefs, one was presenting his views in a very peaceful, gentle manner, and the other was presenting with a loud voice, pointing a finger and had almost a threatening tone. I found myself judging him and wishing he would quit talking, and I wanted look away or just to turn him off. In that moment as I observed my reactions, I made a choice to stay present with my feelings and not react. I found that then I could continue to hear what he was saying and to see his genuine intentions behind his presentation. I gave myself more peace and hopefully created more for him too
Another way that I make myself less peaceful is always believing that what I think is true. I don’t believe everything I see on TV or that I read or see on the Internet, but it is easy to think that what I think is right and true. Marci Shimhoff in her book says “Don’t believe everything you think”. Don’t believe everything you think. Next time you are judging or disagreeing with someone just ask yourself if maybe what you are thinking is not what really is true. You may find it brings more peace. I do.

.
As I look at peace in this way, (and I need lots more practice) I can see lots of small ways that I create a lack of peace in my life because I forget to practice pausing and reflecting and choosing.
Again it is like meditation - a practice and a choice. So there is violence in our outer world, and there is violence in our inner world, and we always have a choice how we react.

.
If we would all choose peace as a priority - to strive for inner peace in whatever ways we find to do it - and to presence that peace, then there could be more peace in the world and it would begin with each one of us.. I’d like to close with the words of the poet Mary Oliver:
“Wage Peace”

Wage peace with your breath.
Breathe in firemen and rubble, breathe out whole buildingsand flocks of
redwing blackbirds.
Breathe in terrorists and breathe out sleeping children and freshly mown fields.
Breathe in confusion and breathe out maple trees.
Breathe in the fallen and breathe out lifelong friendships intact.
Wage peace with your listening: hearing sirens, pray loud.
Remember your tools: flower seeds, clothespins, clean rivers . Make soup.
Play music, learn the words for “thank you” in three languages.
Learn to knit, and make a hat.
Think of chaos as dancing raspberries, imagine grief as the outbreath of
beauty or the gesture of fish.
Swim for the other side.
Wage peace.
Never has the world seemed so fresh and precious.
Have a cup of tea and rejoice.
Act as if armistice has already arrived.
Don’t wait another minute.

One of the most defining events for me in creating the Journeys experience relates to a letter a minister of my own Christian tradition wrote to my Bishop challenging the whole basis of Journeys Community. His complaint was that Journeys Community did not subscribe to the historic creeds of the Church and beliefs about God that had been a part of the Church’s doctrine and belief system for centuries. As a result of his negative view and his opposition to Journeys, the Journeys creative team was no longer allowed to meet at his church. And he strongly urged the Bishop to stop funding Journeys as an innovative, creative expression of what I have always thought was the central message of Jesus: “I have come that all people might have life, and have it abundantly.” At Journeys we try to create the experience of God in our services, not just knowledge or information about God. Our services and activities present opportunities for people to recognize deeper emotions and feelings that may create an opening to God and experience deeper meaning, purpose and fulfillment in their lives-to have life and have it abundantly!!

What makes Journeys Community so unique, so compelling, so powerful a spiritual experience is that we recognize that God, or Spirit or the Divine is often met in the telling of our stories, not in dogma or any particular religious belief system. In every Journeys service the creative team strives to answer two questions:
“Where is God in this theme? this reflection? this service?” and
” Can we find our authentic voice in the telling of our stories? ”

As Frederick Buechner says in our reading this morning, “Maybe nothing is more important than we keep track, you and I, of these stories of who we are and where have come from and the people we have met along the way because it is precisely through these stories in all their particularity that God is made know to each of us most powerfully and personally. If this is true, and I think it is true, it means that to lose track of our stories is to be profoundly impoverished not only humanly but also spiritually.”
Listening to your life; telling your story-this is the heart of the Journeys experience.

No matter where we are in life, we will always be guided by our basic core values-those principles that are the guiding star by which we navigate our journey. These principles distinguish us from other spiritual and religious communities and define the enduring character of Journeys. Journeys has three core values that guide our spiritual life. These values are not debated, they are not voted upon. These values just are!! These core values need no justification, and they will point us to a future that will be even more successful than our past.

1. God, the Divine, Spirit ,(or whatever word you want to use) is embodied within each of us, in our connection with each other, and in our experience of nature and the natural order. The Divine, Spirit, God, is not a separate, external presence, but the deepest part of who we are. At Journeys we encourage the individual and unique expression of the Divine within each of us. As Frederick Buechner says, we all have the capability of revealing the divine, God, Spirit, through the telling of the stories of our lives. It is that part of us that is the authentic person we are. In recognizing our humanness and vulnerability, we go deeper into our soul and discover the divine within us. Spiritual leadership is shared; there is no one truth and no one person who has all the truth. We all have our stories, and we all can experience and share the God within us in the telling of our stories.

2. The spiritual in life is continually revealed in popular culture-through the arts, music, literature, film, and images. Popular culture IS the culture, and popular culture is fully engaged in the search for knowledge of God. Our services are contemporary expressions of the world we live in. Popular music, movies, You Tube, readings from all traditions (both sacred and secular), the everyday, ordinary stuff of life can reveal the spiritual to us

Today’s service for me is a revelation of God (knowledge of God) in the music,
film clip, reading, and convergence-all very secular, all very contemporary, all
very spiritual.

3. Journeys is a community designed for people who say they are spiritual, but not religious; who have not been nurtured by traditional religion, or who have been turned off by traditional religion. Journeys offer a safe place in which we can explore our own spiritual journey in our own way, on our own terms, without judgment or having to believe a certain set of beliefs.. This assurance of Journeys as a safe place is key to our human aspirations and personal fulfillment, not allegiance to a specific dogma or belief system. Journeys is not a destination; it is a pathway leading to our own spiritual place. This is the meaning of our community and it is what attracts and keeps us at Journeys.

These values do not change; they have guided us for 8 years and will continue to guide us. If we honor these core values, the goals, strategies, and programs of Journeys will grow and change (and we are undergoing some of these changes now), but our values will remain constant. How they are expressed and carried out will change and continue to change.

You don’t have to travel far down the life path before coming in contact with challenge and difficulty.  In fact, some say that life by design is defined by challenge and difficulty and that much of the good that life has to offer us can only be found in the challenging times.

 

And in this matter of challenge and difficulty, I’ve noticed that no matter how big or small our particular challenges are as compared to some objective measure of human difficulty, our challenges always feel big to us. 

 

Today I want to embrace one of the traditions that have come to define Journeys Community.  That tradition is the personal sharing that takes place here that can be so powerfully instructive to us all.

 

When Journeys was just an idea, when all of this was being envisioned, Harry and the others who worked with him to give shape to Journeys took instruction from the wonderfully healing organization, Alcoholics Anonymous.  What they valued about AA was the tradition of sharing. 

 

We are all fellow travelers on the life path and nothing rivals the value of the instruction that can come from a fellow traveler.  And so in that spirit I share with you today.

 

 

In the Bible the apostle Paul talks about a physical infirmity, “a thorn in the flesh” that bothered him.  For several years now I have had my own thorn in the flesh.  I have what the doctors call an end stage ankle, one that is constantly painful and one where my only surgical option is an amputation.  Even then, there is no guarantee that the pain will end. 

 

One night some time ago, awake in the dead of night, feeling alone with this pain I began to feel a strong wave of despair.  I had recently visited with yet another physician with expertise in the area of problems like mine.  He had been honest and frank with me and confirmed my fears that medical care held no promise of eliminating my pain.

 

That night I faced more fully into the reality of having to live from now on with this pain and the limitations it imposes on my life.  And as I did, I felt an added measure of despair and desperation.  I couldn’t get back to sleep and so I decided to look this demon, this challenge, squarely in the eye.  I had heard, I had often even said to others in times and places like this that the nature of the life mystery is one where we are sure to face challenges and difficulties and that it is in relation to how we deal with these challenges that our lives will either find meaning and satisfaction or our lives will be so much less. Life’s challenges offer us opportunity for real meaning and satisfaction just as they can also be the source of our undoing and failure.

 

And so that night it hit me squarely, that this was yet another challenge in my life; and that while I had the confidence of having met other challenges, this one was different.  It was an ongoing challenge, one where the problem grew in magnitude over time, one where new mitigating events didn’t offer a measure of salve and comfort.  I had lost two wonderful love ones and while all of you who have suffered such losses know the pain of that kind of loss never goes away, you do begin to pick up your life and order it around the present which, if we are open to it, always brings new goodness to us, goodness that mixes with the pain of loss and mitigates its sting to some degree.

 

But this pain felt different.  Nothing new coming into my life, certainly things new from the medical profession, had mitigated this pain.  It continued day in and day out, dulled some by a wonderfully instructed daily regimen of physical and medical therapy.  But it was still there and difficult to ignore, particularly in the dark of night, when the distractions of the day had been dialed back.  And now with the verification of no hope on the horizon from medical science, I faced the prospect of coping with a life-long continuation of this pain.

 

In that dark night, feeling alone and despairing.   I accepted, really for the first time, that this pain was one of those challenges that would define what life would be for me.   And out of that acceptance came a struggle for meaning and fullness of life.  Out of that acceptance I turned to this pain and began to try to claim from it a richness that would insure that life, life here and now, would remain a gift and not began to become a curse.

 

That struggle, that exploration has been an ongoing one and talking about it recently with Barbara I decided to share some of what I have learned and some of what I am continuing to learn as I continue to mine from this challenge in my life all the goodness that the Giver of life makes available for us to claim.

 

First, I discovered the wonderful resource that perspective can offer.  It is so easy to come to see our problems as being the greatest problems of all.  In fact I think the desperation that we can sometimes feel in the face of the challenges in our lives has a lot to do with a loss of perspective.  And a loss of perspective in the direction of making our challenges greater, placing our challenges in the category of human catastrophe; a loss of perspective whereby we elevate our struggles to the top of the list of all challenges currently being experienced or ever having been experienced by any human being.  Because they are our challenges they are the greatest, the most difficult, most abhorrent challenge human kind can experience. 

 

If it’s only a hangnail, it’s my hangnail.  If it’s my problem, it’s a catastrophe.  Classifying our challenges this way, elevating them like this makes them all the more difficult to confront.

 

In the aloneness of my painful dark nights I began to claim the benefit that comes from adjusting my perspective.  Medical science may not be able to eliminate my pain, may not be able to restore my loss function, but I can adjust my perspective and bring a measure of relief if not to my pain certainly to the compounding of it through desperation and despair.  And so painful sleepless nights as well as day times have become opportunities for me to focus on those facing far greater challenges than me.  I use these times to acquaint myself with those more rightfully claiming a place at the top of human struggles and I find ways, however small, to try to address their plight.  Some of these people are close by, near and known.  Others are far away and known to me only through the work of those shining a light on their plight.

 

I may have daily pain and a loss of function to deal with, but I am not homeless and hungry.   I’m not living in a refugee camp, having witness the slaughter of my family by a mindless raging genocide.  I’m not without friends who love and care for me.  I’m not bound to a sweatshop by a cruel employer.  And so much more I’ve come to see, so much that challenges both mind and body afflicts others but not me.  And as I focus on these, finding some way to try to contribute to easing their terrible burdens, I turn my attention from my challenges and in so doing ease my burden.

 

This issue of perspective can also impact us at an existential level.  It’s easy to generalize from the present to begin to feel that what is will always be.   Such generalization can cause us to loose sight of the basic givens of this life mystery; one of them being that life is time limited.  Life, as we know it in this venue, is not forever.  By design it was meant to be brief when measured against the vastness of time.  Life and all that we encounter here, the easy and the difficult, does not last all that long.  It is a quick process and if we loose sight of this basic reality we will be like the proverbial traveler on the fast train moving through a small town.  We blink and miss it all.

 

And so adjusting my perspective in relation to the basic given of the brevity of life helps me.  It helps me stay focused on the opportunities for good and meaning.  Despair robs us of the goodness that coexists with our challenges.

Hopelessness in relation to our difficulties closes our eyes to all of the good surrounding all the moments of our lives, even those that coexist with our difficulties.

 

Hypnotists talk about the focal and the peripheral stimuli; how in each moment there is something, whether internal in our thoughts and feelings or external that is focal.  It’s what we are paying attention to.  At the same time there are those things, thoughts, feelings as well as external things and events that always surround the focal stimulus.  Hypnosis is all about being selective about what is focal and what is peripheral. 

 

When you and I make and keep our challenges focal in our lives we will always feel their full weight and find our spirits sagging under it.  But when we push them to the periphery and choose something else, some one, some event, some feeling or concern to honor by making it focal, then we always lessen our load and brunt the impact of a difficult challenge.

 

Quite simply, I realized I don’t have the time to give my full attention to my pain.  I find it challenging enough to find enough time to access some of the richness of opportunity that life offers.  My difficulty gets my attention, sometimes my full attention but far less than it tries to claim. 

 

And so adjusting perspective and acting on that adjustment, making others and other things focal is an opportunity for living more fully.  When you have something like this in your life, when you have a major challenge in your life it demands that you select something else to be center stage because if you let it stay in the spot light it blocks all of the good from coming your way. 

 

Another helpful resource has been humor.   Being alert to the humor in life is always good for us.  Have you noticed how when people get together they enjoy hearing a funny story, how our conversation tries to find and include the humor in our lives?  It’s good for us to laugh and be amused.  A friend shared with me not long ago how her mother continued to laugh and find humor in life even as she declined and died from ALS.  My uncle who over time lost most of his sight and his hearing began writing jokes.  The other day at a music barn I laughed as one of the singers, a man struggling with cancer, told jokes about his rural neighborhood.  He said he met an ole boy carrying a big sack across his back while walking down the road.  And he asked, “What you got in the sack?” And the ole boy responded, “Chickens.”  To which the man responded, “If I were to guess how many chickens you have in that sack would you give me one of them?”  The ole boy said, “Hell, if you guess how many chickens I got in this sack I’ll give you both of them.”

 

 

 

Another helpful thing I have found is to not wear my trouble on my sleeve, so to speak.  While I accept with a truly grateful heart the kindness of friends and strangers who offer me a helping hand, open a door or like a man the other day, help me get my groceries to my car, I quickly and universally decline pity. 

 

I suppose the person who offers it most to me is my mother.  I know something about parental love and I can understand that it almost hurts her to see me hurting.  But I often tell her that while it may not look like it sometimes, my life is blessed and that most of the time I feel the full measure of the gift God intended us to accept when He gave us the gift of life.  I tell her that I operate from the notion that my life is richly rewarded by the goodness that I have found and this includes the goodness that I have discovered through my struggle with this challenge.   And so I don’t consider myself, my disability, worthy of pity or of any concern by others.  Like the apostle Paul said, “In all things give thanks”, I give thanks for all in my life, including this pain.  As challenges go, as compared to the enormous unthinkable challenges some face, mine isn’t all that great, even if it is my challenge.  And like a good challenge it has offered me great opportunity to enrich my life and claim more of the gift that God intended when life was made mine.    And so I don’t deserve nor will I accept pity or sympathy from myself or anyone else.

 

It’s not hard to see what such an attitude can do for you.  Even in those most difficult times, when the strong neurogenic pain breaks through and demands to be focal, declining the opportunity for pity, particularly self-pity, gives you a hugh leg up on coping and living well in the face of difficulty.

 

Another resource I have found helpful is to fully own all aspects of my reality.  My friend Harvey Minchew talks about the necessity to embrace one’s reality, no matter how challenging, if you are going to find goodness and meaning in life.

 

This problem had already altered my life.  It had taken things from me that I deeply valued.  I grieved the loss of these life activities.  And I began to realize that grief could not be resolved until I fully accepted the change my ailment had brought to my life.  As I faced into this I realized that change always has two components.  It has what it takes away from us.  It has an ending component.  Things we had we have no more.  But change also has what it brings to our lives.  It has a beginning component.  New possibilities that did not exist or seem quite so apparent come into our lives but only if we are open to them.  I realized that I had been spending my energies grieving the losses that this ailment took from me and that I had to let go of that sadness if I was ever going to be able to find within this change the new beginnings it opened to me.

 

And so I have more fully accepted this challenge as an ongoing, permanent part of my life.  And so I say to my pain, since you are going to be here, since you won’t go away, you might as well come on in and make yourself at home.  And since you are going to do that, I might as well ask you, what do you have to offer me?  How can you instruct my life for good and what changes for the better that you offer me can I claim?

 

For several years now I’ve tried hard to stop focusing on what I lost and instead have tried to open myself to the goodness, the new gifts that change always makes possible if we are willing to let go of what was and thereby have our hands open to receive what can be.

 

Out of this attitude I have looked for and found new ways to enjoy things that my difficulty seemed to take away.  For example, I have migrated my love of travel from air travel to more road trips in my specially equipped car and often with a driver and I’ve discovered a whole new dimension to the joys of travel.

 

I start my day with a physical therapy regimen.  And sometimes I follow it with a leisurely late morning breakfast with a group of friends I met at a nearby diner.  We share with each other, always looking for the humor in our lives, telling jokes brightening our day.  This simple event is a gift and just one of the many good gifts that change has brought me.

 

I have discovered new joys that I hadn’t known much about and which my companion pain has introduced me to, joys that come from an acceptance of the changes that this challenge has introduced in my life.  For me while this pain has taken away much of my physical vitality and the things, the ways, I expressed that vitality, it has pointed me in a new direction, one of stillness and aloneness and introspection and thought out of which I have found new wonderful parts of the life reality and new opportunities for joy and meaning.  There are wonderful experiences we can find as we live with greater stillness.    Reading, writing, talking with others attempting to live more consciously and aware of the now of life has brought goodness into my life.

 

Most importantly I try to surround myself with people who are also trying to do well in relation to their life challenges.  I look for the hopeful ones, the ones not easily defeated, the ones living consciously, aware that life is right now with no time outs for injury and pain.  And I treasure these friendships and the very few precious ones with whom we make ourselves fully known.  With one or two of these I often share my feelings in the moments when the struggle is greatest.  And I never have come away from these times of sharing without having gained another significant leg up in relation to this struggle. 

 

It’s hard for some of us, particularly those of us who have claimed a role of helper; it’s hard for us to express our need for help.  Dear friends help me do this and for that I am very grateful. 

 

George Vaillant has devoted his career to a longitudinal study of a group of subjects.  He tells the story, a modern day parable, of a man who had two sons; how at Christmas he put a gold watch in one son’s stocking and in the other a pile of horse manure.  The one son, he said, came to his father perplexed saying he didn’t know what to do with the beautiful watch, that it was so fragile he was afraid of breaking it.  While the other son came to his father all excited saying, “Santa had left me a pony.  I just have to find where it is hiding.”

 

Vaillant says the life stories of his subjects were defined by how they dealt with the challenging events of their lives.  And he describes four types of responses characteristic of his subjects; the highest, most beneficial being adaptations to our reality, no matter how challenging, that include altruism, humor and anticipation.

 

 

And so in relation to challenges and difficulties, in relation to the unavoidable challenges that we face along our life paths, in relation to these events and circumstances that will define what measure of gift and meaning and purpose we find in life, I offer you these suggestions born of my wrestling with a challenge that won’t go away.

 

Hold to the best perspective.  Never forget that all of us are caught up in a marvelous mystery.  As Cormac McCarthy says in his book The Road, “The breath of God is passed from man to man through all of time….and all things are older than man and they all hum with mystery.”  Stay mindful and involved with your brothers and sisters who share this mysterious journey with you, particularly those who are higher up on the ladder of human misery and difficulty.  Feel their need and get busy making a difference in their lives. 

 

Remember that at best this is a short, brief time we spend in this venue and that you don’t have time to get too terribly distracted by your problems. 

 

As much as you can, keep your challenges on the periphery of your awareness and reserve the honored focal spot for things, people, and circumstances that move your life down more hopeful and meaningful paths.  Healthy distractions are among the best medicine you can claim. 

 

And while you accept the goodness others extend you, decline their pity.  Particularly decline self-pity.

 

And keep your eyes open to the humor in your life and in life around you.

 

Embrace your reality and ask for and claim the gifts that it brings you.

 

 

And then just maybe, just maybe if you do this, you also, like the apostle can achieve the high goal of giving thanks in all things.

 

The task of leading a kinder, more compassionate life is not easy. Karen Armstrong, who is spear heading the Charter For Global Compassion, remarked during an interview with Bill Moyers, that compassion requires daily discipline. While it seems almost automatic to be kind and compassionate towards those we love, extending those same feelings towards those we do not like much less love, is another matter. Perhaps this is why all the major religions agree on the necessity of practicing the golden rule: do unto others as you would have done unto you or, love thy neighbor as thyself, or do not do to others what you would not want done to you. To examine what kindness and compassion contribute towards relationships and to the wider world, we must first look at what is transformed within each of us through these practices. And to do that we must also look at what they are not.

Kindness is not false. I took me years to convince my children of this. When my oldest son was in grade school, I used to make him peanut butter and honey sandwiches for lunch. One day I picked him up early because he was not feeling well, and as we were leaving the school we stopped by his locker for his homework books. When he opened his locker, and this is not exaggeration, there was at least a 12″ deep pile of mashed paper bags with former peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I asked Geoff, why he’d never told me he no longer liked peanut butter and honey sandwiches, if in fact he ever did. He said, “Well, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” To which I responded, “Well how many more of these sandwiches do you want to get?

I realized that he had a lot to learn about truth, and what it means to truly spare someone’s feelings. And if he couldn’t be truthful about little things like sandwiches, what would he do with the big things? Growing up in a military family, as I had, being truthful was a highly valued quality. I was already noticing that this value was not well supported either at Geoff’s school or in our neighborhood. The proverbial “little white lie” was trotted out all too often, and my son had learned that it covered a multitude of sticky situations.

Of course, this is a two way street. If children are made to feel bad or guilty at expressing their true emotions, they may think they have no choice but to deny their real feelings or tell those “little white lies.” So we need to find a way for honesty and compassion to coexist even if at times it feels uncomfortable or embarrassing.

During our last service Michele spoke about the effects of stress on our bodies and that it causes Cortisol to be released. Cortisol is the “fight or flight” hormone released during times of fear and stress. Did you know that, lying creates enough stress in our bodies to trigger Cortisol release, and that lie-detector machines work by measuring the physical effects of Cortisol-how much more we sweat and how much our heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension increases when we lie? The bigger or more emotional the lie, the more stress we create for ourselves.

Did you know that brain scans reveal a rather complex series of cerebral activities that must be carried out when we lie-all of which is unnecessary when we are just being honest. These changes in our physical bodies can also be measured when we cannot forgive, when we deny support and when we block understanding. In short, when we are not compassionate we are hurting ourselves as well as others.

Now back to those sandwiches-had Geoff been honest with me he probably would have said something like, “I hate everything you make me for lunch and I just want to be like the other kids and buy pizza and french fries.” I doubt that Geoff was really afraid of hurting my feelings, as much as he was of having to listen to one of my lectures on the high fat and carbohydrate content, and poor quality protein in school lunches, making them not only unhealthy but also a waste of money. Rather than face that music, he would just tell a little “white lie.”

You may wonder why I would focus on something as mundane as school lunch. But this was the first thing that bubbled up from memory as I began writing this reflection, and I guess it still troubles me. It isn’t always the big things that cause the most pain, Sometimes it is the accumulation of a lot of little things that become a heavy burden. I remember covering the “honesty” ground over and over again, with both my sons, trying to convince them of how much damage you do to a relationship when you lie. You create distance and diminish real intimacy. The Aztecs believed that everyone is born without a face and that we must win our faces bit by bit as we grow.

Kindness is not found in isolation. Emotional touching is just as important to our health and survival as physical touch is. Yet our culture actually fosters isolation, as adults in our individual work cubicles or in competition with coworkers; as children with our cyber worlds and space books rather than actually playing with other kids, and at home with everyone in their own room and own worlds rather than being together as a family. Then we comfort ourselves, by opening up a frozen meal or can of soup that is “just like Mom used to make”, or that “tastes homemade,” or “that’s a’ more” just so that we can feel care for and cared about.

I often felt disconnected as a child, not because of the internet but because as a military family we moved a lot. I was so desirous and determined to connect with the kids in my new surroundings that I adopted a behavior of watching the kids in my new neighborhood and school for hints about how to fit in. I thought that I could avoid a lot of embarrassing revelations about myself by doing that. If things went well, great! If they didn’t well it wouldn’t be too long before we would be moving again, and I could start over.

This type of hiding behavior is really hard to break because it is deceptive on so many levels. It allowed me to think that it is easier for everyone else to make the effort of getting to know me, rather than visa versa. It fostered revealing only those things about myself that I thought would be liked. And it caused me to let others draw very wrong conclusions about who I really was when their misconceptions were more flattering that the truth.

As I grew older I realized how much harder I had made the task of self-discovery and love of self. This chameleon-like behavior left me without a solid foundation for finding my authentic self. I lived with years of doubt about whether or not I was good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, deserving enough to find the courage to be my authentic self. Why would this be important? I didn’t fully understand it then, but I do now. We have each uniquely created to be present in the world in a way that only we can be. And all of our unique abilities contributes to and completes the whole of humanity and God’s presence in the world.

So finally, I realized that honesty is the only bedrock upon which to build a life of real intimacy and self-awareness. And then I learned to trust my gut. When I felt at peace I was being my true self. When I was not being completely honest I would get an unmistakable visceral red flag. Only then could I start the journey that has led me here. Joyce Meyer said in one of her televised programs, that each of our journeys is made up of steps. And each step is a decision we make.

So the heart of kindness and compassion must be truth and genuine connection. Thich Nhat Hanh said this about authentic, loving, non-judgmental relationships:

I write poetry with my right hand-many beautiful poems. My right hand doesn’t think less of my left hand because it can’t write these poems. Now let’s say that I am hammering in a nail and I miss the nail and hit my left hand. My left hand doesn’t say, right hand you hurt me very badly. I must get even. Give me the hammer! My hands know that they are part of the same whole and my right hand would cover the left hand tenderly and show care for the injury created. And my left hand would accept and appreciate that care.

I like to think that as we come in contact with each other we sort of bump up against each other. And with each touch comes the possibility that I will rub off on you a little and you will rub off on me. And as we continue making those contacts I begin to see more of myself in you, and you see more of yourself in me. As we continue the space between you and me, between the idea of “me” and “not me” narrows until the only a sliver of space remains. And in that space is God’s grace, the Universal Spirit. And there we find that we are indeed one, and that what we do to each other we do indeed do for ourselves.
Confucius said to practice compassion all day and every day. You’ll constantly have to dethrone yourself and put the focus on the other. And you’ll recognize that even in the most unlikely candidate there is still a trace of the divine.

My focus for this service came from a yearning for healing in the world. We have all been buffeted by the dishonest, uncaring deeds of a relatively few individuals, who caused great global harm, disconnection and fear. It is time for the people of the world to come together as a whole, not as disconnected countries, cultures and faiths. When we can be open to compassionate caring and genuine connections the world can heal. It is time for compassion and repair.

Terry Hershey, in her book, Soul Gardening wrote: “To be human is about regaining what has been lost in the shuffle when life has been relegated to keeping score and making waves.  To be human is about cultivating the good life.  To be human is about gardening the soul.”
 
I like to think that’s what we’re doing here at Journeys; tending to our souls, turning over our rich soil in order to grow in self awareness and deepen our spirituality and compassion for one another. Each time I write a reflection, I go through a process of self-discovery, and it was a chapter in Elizabeth Lesser’s “The Seeker’s Guide” that started me thinking about this search for wholeness, and led to my new understanding of what it means to be “whole”.

In it, she discusses the role of feminine and masculine archetypes and how in order to be whole we must balance both of these archetypes within ourselves. Her ideas of finding wholeness and her thoughts about the importance of respecting both the feminine and masculine within ourselves, kept creeping into my consciousness during meditation, and so I found myself going back over my life, turning over the soil of my youth, to see where I had embraced both the feminine and masculine in myself and where I had not.

Looking back to when I was a young girl, I can clearly see how I naturally and unashamedly displayed both my feminine and masculine qualities. When indoors, my days were filled drawing or singing and playing the piano. I also loved to cook with my mother and I have many fond memories of making homemade cookies and Easter candy with her and my brother. Outside, my time was spent traipsing along the shore of the river, whose bend was in my backyard, or rowing the boat my father built for me, pretending to be on some grand adventure. I was an explorer collecting rocks and shells and building forts in the woods near my home. When I was allowed, I would follow my older brother and his friends to a field for a game of pickup baseball or football. I was fiercely competitive and I loved seeing the look of shock on a boys face when I would make a good play.

Naturally, as years passed and the boys no longer thought it was right to play tackle football with a girl and my need to develop socially kicked in, these activities ceased. Instead, I joined every school club my mother would allow. By the time I was in high school, my life revolved around friends, dating, and cheerleading, and if there were time leftover, schoolwork. I rarely played the piano or sang and I no longer built forts or walked along the shore collecting treasures.

College was not a particularly good time for me. I fluctuated between obsessively worrying about what I would do with my life, and trying to figure out how to balance my increased independence with my growing responsibilities. During the day, I was so stressed about school that I would routinely throw-up in between classes. At night, I would forget about my worries by participating in the typical college scene: hanging out with friends in bars, drinking, dancing, dating. Suffice it say, I spent little time really discovering WHO I was.

After graduating college, I got a job at an investment firm and moved my way up the corporate ladder and was enjoying a pretty good life. But I had a sense that something was missing, and I mistakenly believed that it would be found in a love relationship. So I dated lots of interesting people, yet no one ever seemed to fulfill me in ways I’d been hoping. Strangely, I always seemed to be attracted to musicians. All the while, a little voice inside me was getting louder and louder. “Sing, sing”, it said. But I was too scared to admit to myself let alone anyone else, that I wanted to sing professionally.

Eventually, I met a really wonderful man, also a musician, whom I felt safe enough with to share my secret longing. He encouraged me to take voice lessons. And so I did. One thing led to another and before long I found myself singing in a band. That was a pivotal moment for me.

Singing on stage with a band in front of a crowd of people was pure joy. It was, and still is, one of the most fulfilling things I do. The little girl who sat at the piano singing for hours, and who had gone missing for so many years, had finally returned. I felt complete. I felt empowered. And at the time, I thought this was all I needed to be happy.

Four years later, on one of the first dates I had with my husband, I was reacquainted with the part of me that loved to be outdoors exploring nature. Joe took me on a hike in the woods and this too was a profound experience. I can remember exactly how I felt as I headed toward the path looking up at the trees in front of me. Every cell in my body was recalling my joy in being among the sights and sounds of the woods. It was like coming home, and again I had the sense of having found a missing part of myself.

I think it’s fairly common to lose touch with things we enjoyed as children and to rediscover them as adults. Many of us have experienced the magic of regaining a piece of our selves that had gone missing. And these are important steps in our search for

wholeness. But the real challenge for me right now, is to look honestly at how I’m living my life in this moment. Am I, and are you, living a life that fully embraces and honors both the masculine and feminine qualities we hold?

Psychiatrist Carl Jung believed each human psyche contained unique combinations of the masculine and feminine archetypes in varying degrees of potency. Elizabeth Lesser’s description of these two archetypes is this. See if you can identify for yourself those traits you might need to embrace a little more fully. She writes:

“The feminine principal loves to feel; it compels us to nurture; it is intuitive and heartful. The feminine is that part of the self that is vulnerable, receptive, open; the part that values connection and communication. …It is the part that is comfortable right here on earth with all of its pain and messiness, the part that does not want to run away from life or try to change nature’s rules. The masculine archetype sees beyond this life, looks outside of itself, identifies with the eternal, and wants to move ever forward. It plans and negotiates, is reasonable and rational. It is on a mission to achieve, invent, build, make a mark.

They’re a great pair; the feminine and the masculine. A person who cultivates his or her masculine and feminine qualities is able to balance power with love, inventiveness with sustainability, brilliance with wisdom. ”

She further writes, “Men and women raised in a culture that disempowers the feminine archetype are denied wholeness. And spirituality is about becoming whole. To become whole we don’t get rid of one thing and replace it with another; we don’t now negate masculine values and elevate feminine values. The path to human wholeness is the inner marriage of masculine and feminine values. When each value system is held in equal esteem, when we love and respect both, harmony within the individual, health in the culture, and peace on the planet can become attainable.”

So now our challenge, yours and mine, is to look honestly at ourselves and decide where we fall on the spectrum of this marriage between feminine and masculine qualities. The point, Ms. Lesser says, is not to “move toward androgyny. It is to become aware of the inner forces at play within each one of us and within the culture. Even as we strive for inner and outer balance, we still can depend on each other to fill in the missing pieces.”

So to become aware, to become Self aware, is key to wholeness. I am no expert on self-awareness, but I can tell you about those things that have helped me in my search for wholeness.

Conversation

One thing I try to do is to pay attention to the conversations in my life. How many times have you heard yourself say something that you had no idea you were going to say; something that revealed a piece of yourself you didn’t know existed? It can happen in any type of conversation, but for me it’s usually one with an intimate friend where I feel safe; sometimes that friend is me. Just last week I heard myself saying something to a friend about an experience I had had with a neighbor. I didn’t realize that I had been harboring anger toward this neighbor until I heard myself say it. That conversation gave me insight into myself and will have an affect on how I respond to my neighbor moving forward.

The Difficult Path

The most difficult path I’ve taken to self awareness are those times in my life when the rug has been pulled out from under me; when I’ve been knocked to my knees. Painful experiences, particularly losses, have allowed me to grow in the most profound ways. However, I must say, just because we might experience something difficult, or even tragic, does not mean that we’ll automatically grow. Many times, I’ve found it easier to constrict myself, or shield myself in denial. When this happens I don’t grow at all. In fact, I cut myself off from any insight or healing that might take place. It takes great courage to open ourselves up to our sorrow, or anger or loneliness, or whatever might be painful in our lives. And it takes a real fearlessness to allow our pain to transform us.

Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote, “You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.”

When my son was diagnosed with autism was probably the most devastating time in my life. I wasn’t just knocked to my knees, I was knocked flat. But because the quality of his life depended on me facing this diagnosis head on, I didn’t have the luxury of being in denial about it. So it was in this state, raw with grief, my broken heart exposed for all to see, that I was most profoundly transformed. In that place, I understood that it is our expectations of how thing should be that cause us the most suffering. Learning to let go of expectations allowed me to live more fully, more wholly, from that moment on.

Mindfulness Meditation

The last path I know to self awareness is through mindfulness meditation. This is the Buddhist practice of sitting in stillness, focusing on the breath and allowing our thoughts to bubble up from our sub-consciousness, observing them and then letting them go. I will speak more specifically about this meditation practice in a moment, but for now, I’ll just tell you that for me, the daily practice of mindfulness meditation is a safe haven from the stressors of life that allows me to tap into that state of clarity and fearlessness that is deep within. Just like Sister Wendy from our reading this morning, I too do not want God to one day say “I sent you a lot of experiences and you didn’t use them.” I too want to be open to them, receive them and grow by them.

In my search for wholeness, I’ve begun to realize that there will never be a time during this lifetime in this body that I will be able to say, “That’s it. The final piece is in. I’m whole!.” Instead, I am forever expanding and growing. With each bit of clarity I gain, I become more of who I am. It’s not so much an outward expansion adding layer upon layer, but rather an inward expansion where I continue to go deeper and deeper into the depths of my being.

And the same is true for all of us. We can all expand ourselves deeper and deeper into the core of who we are, which I believe is the path to wholeness. For me, being “whole” means to exist in our natural state, unadulterated and unadorned. Taoism teaches our natural state is one of inner peace and calmness. For me, it’s a state of pure love, where there is no distinction between male and female, old or young, race or religion. We can all journey there, it’s our choice. But it’s not for the faint of heart. It takes real courage to open our eyes to the truth of our lives. It takes tremendous strength to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And it takes loving compassion and forgiving ourselves to move forward. Ultimately though, it takes a genuine longing of spirit to be on the journey toward wholeness.

I’ll end my reflection with one last quote from The Seeker’s Guide, “Spirituality is the human search for eternal wisdom. It is not the wisdom itself. To humanize spirituality, we must look not only outside of ourselves to the limitless universe, but also inside of our own personhood - the sum total of our gender, our conditioning, our genes, and our unique challenges and gifts.”

The Beauty of Imperfection

By Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat

Most of the world’s successful models are pencil thin and for ads in magazines and posters, their faces and bodies are touched up so that they look perfect. Sadly, millions of girls and women measure themselves against these impossible standards and come up short. We saw this recently in America the Beautiful, a documentary by Darryl Roberts. He notes that in 2004 alone, Americans spent 12.4 billion dollars on cosmetic surgery. Mothers are now putting children as young as five on diets or paying for breast implants for their 15-year-old daughters. In Korea, facelifts and other surgeries have reached epidemic numbers. These are but a few of the indicators of a worldwide obsession with physical perfection fueled by the fashion and entertainment industries.

 

Is there another way of looking at all this? The Western ideal of beauty usually salutes things that are perfect, pretty, lasting, or spectacular. But in Japan, there is an emphasis on wabi-sabi, an aesthetic stemming from Taoism and Zen Buddhism that honors the simple and the unpretentious (wabi) and the beauty that comes with age or much use (sabi). In this view, simplicity, naturalness, and fragility are valued. Leonard Koren, author of Wabi-sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers, defines it as “a beauty of all things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is the beauty of things modest and humble. It is the beauty of things unconventional.”

We all have objects in our home that are imperfect and beautiful: an old chair that has been with us for years, a faded tablecloth brought out for special occasions, a piece of jewelry that has been repaired. They all have wabi-sabi. In Dwellings, Linda Hogan recognizes the beauty of imperfection in an old rake:

“My own fragile hand touches the wood, a hand full of my own life, including that which rose each morning early to watch the sun return from the other side of the planet. Over time, these hands will smooth the rake’s wooden handle down to a sheen.”

What an incredible image of beauty: a rake handle worn down through use over the years. We think of other images that make the same point: cancer patients with bald heads, elders with plenty of wrinkles, a dog hobbling valiantly on three legs. We also salute groups of nonprofessionals who are far from perfect but whose spirit is carried in their performance: church choirs, amateur theater troupes, school bands, and local crafts groups. They are living examples of what poet and songwriter Leonard Cohen says in Stranger Music:   Song is Anthem

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg6HKkedhyI

Ring the bells that can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.

 

 

In many spiritual traditions, artists deliberately leave a mistake in a handmade object to signify that they know that they cannot make perfection; only God is perfect. We’ve heard this about Navajo rings and Persian rugs. Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh reverences the beauty in garbage. Following his lead, Barbara Ann Kipfer offers this gatha:

“In the garbage, I see beauty. In beautiful things, I see the garbage. One cannot exist without the other.”

The wabi-sabi things of our lives are spiritual teachers opening our eyes to our own impermanence and mortality. You probably have a teapot, a treasured ornament, or some other family heirloom that has been passed down through the generations. It has, as the saying goes, “seen better days,” but it still has the ability to touch your heart.

As a spiritual practice, take one of those items and reflect upon it. What makes it beautiful? Is it a shape, a color, a texture? Do you admire it because it is worn smooth with age? Or is it beautiful because it evokes certain feelings in you? Perhaps it reminds you of the person who gave it to you or shared it with you?

“Wabi-sabi suggests that beauty is a dynamic event that occurs between you and something else,” writes Koren. “Beauty can spontaneously occur at any given moment given the proper circumstances, context, or point of view. Beauty is thus an altered state of consciousness, an extraordinary moment of poetry and grace.”

An experience of beauty can also usher us into an amplified appreciation of the divine presence, that “something more” in our existence. Yes, God’s handiwork is evident in the glorious vistas of nature and the beautiful people and things that literally take our breath away. But God is also evident in and through the imperfect, the humble, the modest, and the unconventional. Indeed, these things may be the most accessible samples of divine grace.

 Photographer Thatcher Keats

There is a spirituality in the imperfect world of Keats; he helps us to see, understand, and accept the inescapable imperfection that is the human condition.
Alexander Pope

“The reality, or truth, of your world is imperfection. And the reality, or truth, of your personal state of soul and emotion is your complaint against imperfection. Only by facing the truth and coming to terms with it, facing the reality of both factors, will you have a sound foundation from which you can go on.” –

From Olam Magazine: “The Imperfect Choice”
By Gahl Sasson
We are all created by the same divine blueprint, all labeled “Made In God,” each one of us a split image of the likeness of God. For this reason, mystics warn us not to classify any part of God’s creations as flawed or disabled. . . we are all imperfect in one way or another. And yet these disabilities make us differently able in other ways. It is our imperfections, be they physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual that make us perfect. . .

The areas in our lives where we struggle the most, where we have our disabilities, are the places that provide us with the most lessons and opportunity to expand. In these challenging areas we are more able to learn and develop. It is our mortal coils and disabilities that force us to evolve and become more spiritual.

The place where we experience our afflictions, our disabilities, is where we see God face to face. Our imperfection is our Peniel - our face of God. There are many types of imperfections. I had the honor of meeting at a dinner party two individuals who at birth were diagnosed with Down syndrome. They are supposed to be intellectually inferior to the majority of the population, but in fact the people I met were two remarkable human beings who seemed to be superior in their emotional intellect not only to me but also to most of the people around. They passed from one person to another, addressing their emotional needs, noticing undercurrent feelings that other so called normal people, did not. I was surprised to see how perceptive and psychic they were. The doors of feeling and loving-kindness were wide open before them.
They were talented in the way of the heart. I watched them interact with other folks, the way they played and laughed with children and adults alike. I asked myself, why did these souls choose to reincarnate into that difficult condition?

The psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach begins her book Radical Acceptance (Radical Self-Acceptance on audio CD), about the problem of self-aversion (apparently a uniquely Western phenomenon), with a quote from the Zen Master Dogen: “To be in harmony with the wholeness of things is not to have anxiety over imperfection.” As the most imperfect sort of perfectionist–one who has a perfect ideal somewhere in mind but is either so scared off by it that I don’t get beyond thinking to doing, or doesn’t put in the time with detail to actually perfect something–I was very moved by this notion that trying to live up to perfection is one of the chief factors behind self-hatred. My anxiety has always manifested itself primarily as self-consciousness based in unexamined fears and limiting beliefs that have held me back and stunted developmental progress much of my life. I can’t speak. I’m ineloquent. I have nothing to say. I can’t express myself emotionally. If people really know me, they won’t like me. I’m not good enough. I won’t ever succeed. I have no power. My sexuality or my sexual orientation will be disapproved of. I am a failure. People will either think I’m crazy or an idiot. These ideas have lived so far beyond their time that I feel a certain amount of embarrassment in listing them, along with the relief that comes from recognizing them as, in fact, beliefs rather than realities. The defenses that provide the protective armor shielding me from experiencing these beliefs as actual realities–silence, inaction, isolation, not showing up–keep me from experiment, responsibility, and connection to others.
A few years ago I had a sort of vision of what I now take to be two types of consciousness. In one image was a long-haired barbarian prisoner in a dungeon with hands shackled, raging against his chains, struggling, spit flying, and hair whipping about. Almost immediately an alternative image came to mind of a farmer walking up a hill toward a gnarled oak tree at dawn. Dew was on the grass and mist rolling off the top of the hill. The air was fresh, the outlines of things had a crisp coolness. The farmer was a part of the landscape and the landscape a part of the farmer. The prisoner I have taken since to be an image of the separate self, which is what we feel most attached to when we have anxiety over imperfection, whereas the farmer is an image of the Self, connected to the oneness of things, in harmony with his surroundings. So it seems that the only way to remove the shackles of the prisoner is by recognizing the imperfection that is built into our very nature. Another way of talking about this would be to discuss our sin, or “missing the mark,” although I am hesitant to do so or to use that word because of all the devilish uses to which it has been put. It is perhaps one of the most overloaded and unlovingly, divisively used words of the last millennium. But to paraphrase Dogen, to have anxiety about our sin (our imperfection) is to be out of touch with the wholeness of things. Once when I was behaving badly in some way or other and feeling remorseful, my partner looked at me and said, “Don’t you realize that you are pre-forgiven.” It brought me back from self-isolation into the community of human beings. Forgiveness is discussed today as a process that is as much about ourselves as it is for others, but we shouldn’t forget that it is indeed for others too. We can all do that for each other. We should all be so generous.

Reading
From Olam Magazine: “The Imperfect Choice”
By Gahl Sasson

“Om Mani Padme Hum” is an old Buddhist prayer designed to invoke compassion and unconditioned love. In Tibet they write this mantra on prayer wheels and spin them continuously. These prayer spheres resemble the 10 spheres of the Tree of Life and work in a similar way. The meaning of this prayer is very profound. It translates to “The Jewel is in the Lotus.” The Lotus is a flower that grows in water (the symbol of compassion in Kabbalah as well as Buddhism) out of the mud and dirt. From the darkest and most hidden places the perfect flower emerges. The Jewel is the Pearl. The story of the pearl is the story of the transformation of imperfections and disabilities into a wondrous jewel. The pearl is created when a piece of grit, dirt or sand is caught in the oyster. The oyster, being another profound symbol of compassion, does not discard the piece of dirt nor does it throw it away like we humans do with our garbage and dirt. The oyster caresses it with a layer of white veil. Like a silent kiss, it embraces the dirt, invests in it love and kindness. Slowly, with patience, the piece of worthless dirt becomes a precious pearl.

The oyster teaches us that we need imperfection (the dirt) to create perfection (the pearl). We should treat our imperfections and disabilities the same way the oyster treats the grain of sand. It simply accepts it. Kabbalah in Hebrew means to accept. Kabbalah teaches us how to flow with God’s work by accepting it. The oyster holds that same secret; it teaches us to accept our weaknesses and disabilities. We are perfect in our imperfections; that is the secret paradox of life. What makes us perfect is the ability to grow, and we can only grow if we are not yet perfect. As long as we have some imperfections, we are participating in God’s creation. That is the key of life and that is the Jewel in the Lotus.

Guided Meditation

So now spend some moments and think about your own life, in what areas of your life are you challenged by an imperfection, a disability, a block or a piece of sand. Instead of trying to throw it away, destroy it, curse it, label or deny it, try to accept and love it. From your inner enemy it will be transformed like magic to your inner guide. From your imperfection to your perfection; from your disability to your Jewel.

May all your challenges be transformed into pearls. Amen.

Influence of Grandparents                                                                                      

  When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time with my grandparent’s.  In fact, I lived with them until I was 5 years old.  Much of who I am today is because of who they were.  My grandparents were both born in Texas and came to Baltimore on their honeymoon and then decided to stay.  My grandfather took a job with Martin Marietta and my grandmother stayed home to raise their family.   They had very little money, but my grandparents both continued with their education.  My grandmother eventually became a nurse.  I remember both of them taking college courses well into their sixties.  Their tiny little house was always full of books. They loved learning and that was one of the gifts they gave me. 

My grandmother also loved listening to the news.  She either had the radio or the television on, and it was always a news station.  When I think about spending the night at my grandmother’s, I remember struggling to fall asleep over the din of whatever talk radio show was coming from her bedroom.  The bad part in all of this was that she was always relaying the most horrendous news stories to me and to my cousins. Abductions, murders, you name it.  If something bad happened to a child, she told us about it. 

I realize now that it was her way of trying to make us aware, her way of protecting us.  Unfortunately, what she ended up doing was filling me with fear; a fear that has stayed with me into adulthood.  Suffice it to say, I am very cautious when it comes to my personal safety.

After I was married and had kids of my own, I asked my mother why my grandmother would tell me all those horrible stories.   Through my mother, I learned that when my grandmother was a little girl, her infant sister was kidnapped, stolen right off the front porch in broad daylight.  She was found a week later, unharmed, in the middle of a field where a traveling circus had been.  That event traumatized my grandmother and her family and she passed the fear of that trauma on to me. 

Who knows, perhaps she saved my life by making me so cautious?  I’ll never know.  What I do know is that I have struggled with fear for my personal safety my entire life, but understanding where this fear came from has helped me deal with it.  It will always be a part of me, but it no longer impacts me the way that it used to.

Most of us have irrational fears of some sort; the number of phobias that exist is endless.  And that’s okay.  For the most part, we manage to live our lives to the fullest in spite of them.

Fear is not a bad thing.  It’s instinctual and necessary, and meant to protect us.  But there is a very real difference between these types of irrational fears and the very real fears now consuming our country.  Most of us have never known a time when I entire country has faced such difficulties.  Each of us knows someone who has lost his job.  My own husband has been out of work for over a year.  Each of us knows someone who is struggling to pay their bills or to keep their home, or to keep their business afloat.  And yet, comparatively speaking, we are still far better off than most of world.  Regardless, this is our reality and it is scary.

So what can we do?   What can we do, from a spiritual perspective, to help quell our fears?

Balancing Fear and Hope

The Tao de Ching says, “When you stand with your two feet on the ground, you will always keep your balance.”     

So if fear is the left foot, what is the right foot?  How do we balance out fear that has permeated our spirits and is throwing us off kilter?  I believe the opposing force to fear is “HOPE”.   Finding our sense of hope in the midst of fear is one sure way to restore our footing.  

When James Poniewozik wrote that we are experiencing both “dread and excitement”.  The excitement that he was referring to is a direct result of our recent presidential election.  Certainly, our hopes as a nation were lifted by the swearing in of President Barack Obama our first African American president.  Most of us are hopeful that the changes his administration will make will, among other things, alleviate the financial burdens we are facing.  Yet we all know it is going to take a long time, and one man is not the answer to all of our problems.  

So, yes, we’ve had some recent hopeful moments, but how do we keep this hope alive in our hearts and minds and souls?   How do we not let our fears get the better of us?  I won’t pretend that I have the one answer.  I don’t.  But I will tell you what works for me personally. 

Prayer and Meditation                                                                                               First, I meditate or pray, to me they are the same thing.  When my husband first lost his job I prayed constantly.  But as the months have passed, praying has become more difficult.  There are times when, out of frustration, I find myself saying “what good will it do?”   But, each time I’ve had that thought, I force myself to do it anyway, and I am always changed as a result. Praying and meditation comfort me, I feel more centered and calm and this helps balance out the fear. 

Take Action                                                                                                              Something else I have done to restore my hope tank, is take action.  Not the action of mindless distraction, though I’m sure I do that too, but productive action.  Right now, Jen Grow and I are in the process of starting our own business.  And while this might not be the best time to start a small business, it is something that we’ve been thinking about for over a year and we are both very passionate about our vision and excited about the possibilities of what we could create. This gives me hope.

Conversation                                                                                                        Another thing I do, and this is important, is to share my fears with family and friends.  It seems simple, but it is so important not to remain in isolation with our fears.  There is great comfort in knowing you are not alone. 

Margaret Wheatley, author of “Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations To Restore Hope To The Future” says this:

“To advocate human conversation as the means to restore hope to the future is as simple as I can get.  But I’ve seen that there is no more powerful way to initiate significant change than to convene a conversation.”

Later in her book she tells a story about a Canadian woman who is returning to Vietnam to pick up her second child, being adopted from the same orphanage as her first child. She writes:

“She had seen conditions there on her first visit two years earlier, and had vowed this time to take medical supplies. She was expressing this to a friend one day, and the friend suggested that the most useful medical thing she might take would be an incubator.  She was surprised by the suggestion, but she started making phone calls. Many calls and weeks later, she had been offered enough pediatric medical supplies to fill four forty-foot shipping containers which included twelve incubators!  From a casual conversation between two friends, she and many others self-organized into a medical relief program that made a significant difference in the lives of Vietnamese children. And it all began when some friends started talking.”

When I read this story I can’t help but think about how our own community, Journeys, came together to raise money to purchase stuffed lambs for Howard County Hospital’s pediatric NICU.  These lambs played sounds of the womb and were given to the newborns who were struggling to survive in the NICU.  All of that happened because of a conversation I had with Kathy Braithewaite in which she shared her heartache over the loss of her newborn grandson. 

I see this happening all the time in my life, in little ways and sometimes in big ways.   When I told you about my husband losing his job, many of you offered suggestions as to who he could contact for employment.  Some of these leads have turned into very real possibilities for him and could be the difference in us being able to stay in Maryland rather than having to move out of state for work.   Seemingly innocent conversations do make a difference.  And seeing people come together making a difference in each others lives really does give me hope.

Scared and Sacred                                                                                                             Back in 2006, I also spoke about fear during a service.  And one of the things I discovered when preparing for that service has always stayed with me.  I’ve never forgotten that the anagram for scared is scared.  (An anagram is when you take a word, or name or phrase and scramble the letters to form a new word or phrase.)  Ever since I realized this, it has been something that pops into my mind when I’m frightened and it forces me to try and find something positive in whatever it is I’m experiencing. 

So when I am feeling anxious about all the jobs that are being lost and my husbands search for work, I remind myself how wonderful this last year with him home has been.  He cooks breakfast every morning and helps me get the kids ready for school.  He does homework with the kids, we eat all of our meals together, and the house is always clean!  What do I have to complain about?  To be honest, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to doing it all myself when he does finally get a job. 

More importantly, watching how diligent he has been in his job search, and the fact that he doesn’t complain he just continues working toward getting a job has been so impressive and inspiring. And I know that he is not going to give up. And this gives me hope.   

Moment of Grace                                                                                                      During our last service on Everyday Grace, Tim Braithewaite gave us another example of scary moments being sacred.  He commented that he thought what our country is going through right now is a moment of grace.  He mentioned how happy he was to see the younger generation so involved in the political process.  And he’s right.  This is a moment of grace. We just need to open our eyes to see it. 

Most recently, one image that was so inspiring and so moving I can’t help but feel hopeful, when I think of it, is the image of the over 2 million people standing on the mall in Washington D.C. watching the Inaugural ceremonies.  I consider myself to be a caring citizen, deeply concerned about our country.  I was completely engrossed in the presidential campaigns.  You could say I’ve become a  political junkie.  Quite like my grandmother, I find myself listening to at least 2 hours of political news a day, between my car and home.  I had my bumper sticker on  my car.  But you would have had to pay me quite of sum of money to go stand out there in the freezing temperatures in that sea of people.  And yet, there they were, two million Americans.  Is it possible that 2 million people care more about this moment in history than I do?  Apparently so, and that gives me hope.

Anagrams                                                                                                                          The interesting thing about anagrams, and I’m going to go off on a little tangent here, is that the new word or phrase often means the same thing as the original word or phrase. For example, the word Evil can become Vile, and the word Silent becomes Listen.  George Bush becomes He Bugs Gore. 

The reason for this, linguists believe, is because we form words based on the emotional response we have to the sounds of individual letters and regardless of how you order those letters the emotional response is the same.

Take words containing the letter M for example. The mm sound evokes feelings of maternal warmth as in mother’s milk, mollify, and summer. Evidence that our response to the M sound is innate and cross-cultural comes from the fact that the word mother is dominated by the letter M in virtually every language on earth.

The last time I talked to you about anagrams, I created anagrams using the names of our Journeys members and they were really quite profound.  You might remember for Rev. Harry Brunett, the founder of Journeys, his anagram was Hurt Tern Bravery, which, for anyone who knows his life story, is quite prophetic.  Today I want to leave you with the anagram I found for someone else. 

But before I show it to you, I want to give a little explanation. One of the words in the phrase that this person’s name becomes, is the Sanskrit word rasa which has two meanings, one spiritual and one secular.  The spiritual meaning of rasa is spiritual transformation of the heart.  The secular meaning is inspiration.   So the anagram for Barack Hussein Obama is this:

Barack Hussein Obama = Him Backbone USA, Rasa

Isn’t that interesting?  I did the anagram purely out of curiosity but was so surprised by it that I just had to share it with you.   It is hopeful.  Isn’t it? 

Higher Consciousness                                                                                                           One last thing that is hopeful to me is that more and more businesses are becoming eco-friendly, and that non-profit organizations focused on peace and bridging cultural divides are growing faster than ever.  Twenty years ago, documentaries like An Inconvenient Truth and Sicko would have had a one night showing at The Charles and then never heard of again.  Today they are winning prestigious awards.  All of this says something about how our culture is changing.

Just this past Saturday, I attended a meeting for the local chapter of Earthsave, a global organization dedicated to saving the earth by educating people about a planet-friendly diet.  One of the things they do is to hold a monthly vegetarian potluck followed by guest speaker.  Based on what I know about this particular group, I expected there to be about 20 people in attendance, but there were at least 70!  The room was busting at the seams.  And each month they have more and more people attending. 

Albert Einstein said, “Our problems cannot be resolved in the same state of consciousness in which we’ve created them”. 

I can’t help but feel that collectively our consciousness as a species is moving toward higher ground, and that gives me great hope not just for myself but for my children and all future generations. 

So, this along with prayer, taking action, conversations, being in community, and recognizing sacred moments all help keep hope alive for me.  It’s funny, when I started on this reflection I didn’t realize I had so many different pathways to hope, and these tools are available to all of you as well.  However, none of this will help if we fail to remember that hope never leaves us, only we can abandon hope.

 

Please note: Journeys Community will be meeting at a new location February 1, 2009. Check back often for more updates or subscribe to our E newsletter to receive email updates, information & more!

Everyday Graces

I like to think that moments of grace are available to us all, all the time, if we are open to them. Grace requires no effort other than an open heart and our presence. These holy moments, which so often come unbidden and in such ordinary trappings, can make the difference between just another day passing and a day that leaves us filled with hope, gratitude, and the belief that our journeys are inextricably connected and bound by love.

I am a big fan of Marianne Williamson, because she makes me think and examine my own life and what I think I believe. Her message about grace is that through grace we can find another perspective; one that allows us to look at situation or a person differently. As I reflected on her message I was reminded of situations where my whole opinion shifted because of a single piece of new information or because of a new or different connection with the person involved. In those instances the facts didn’t change but I did. I remembered too hearing a sermon about repentance, and that the root word came from the Greek ‘mentanoia’ meaning, “change of thought.” It should be an easy thing to change your mind or revise your position, but so often we get caught up in wanting to be right, or wanting to please others, or not wanting to admit that we don’t know as much as we thought we did. It is precisely these aspects of our ego which make us so human and so in need of the light that grace brings.

A case in point was when I was listening to the Congressional hearings with the three big auto giants and their bid for government money to forestall bankruptcy. I had such a negative impression, initially, as I listened to Congress grill the auto executives about their mismanagement, their failure to design and produce economical cars, and their excessive accommodations to the auto unions, not to mention their own salaries. Why not let them suffer the consequences of their greed and mismanagement I asked myself? But then I heard Mitch Album, author of Tuesdays With Morrie, on “Charlie Rose.” Mitch lives in and loves Detroit. He spoke about how they looked at what was happening in Washington. He said that as, “Congress was giving a ‘beat down’ to these auto executives we felt like, they were really talking about us-our jobs, our families, and our children’s’ future. People forget that Detroit was once the fourth largest city in the US, and that the auto industry helped to define a big part of the fabric of America. The unions, of which Washington is now so critical, helped to build the middle class in this country. And we are proud of that. People may think that it’s just Detroit that this is happening to, but we are only the first city. And we will not be the last. It could happen anywhere. So don’t treat us like we’re gum on the bottom of your shoe. We are part of this country and we’re just asking for some help.”

Talk about a change of perspective and heart. As I listened to Mitch, I was so moved that it caught me by surprise. When I was looking to blame, there was plenty of it to spread around. But as Marianne Williamson says, judgement blocks the light. When grace comes in, judgement is suspended and your heart is opened to a change of thought. It didn’t take much to begin to empathize with those Detroiters. We are relatively sheltered in this area from the financial meltdown that is causing millions of Americans to lose their jobs, their homes, and their healthcare. Those Detroit families could be our families. And if they were our families we would want help too.

I am tired of politics, the blame games, and finger pointing, exercises on Capitol Hill. In their quiet moments, I hope our country’s leaders can come together and acknowledge that this is where we all are, and how badly we need those moments of grace for the courage to suspend judgement and partisan politics in order to be inspired in the search for solutions.

When times are good, finding generosity of spirit is easy. It is when times are not so good-when everything is so uncertain for so many that we need moments of grace to stay connected with God and each other. As I look for moments of grace and inspiration, it is the basic needs in life which become so precious-family, friends, food, shelter, love.

When I was growing up life was so much simpler. My family was a military family, and we spend most of my childhood in base housing surrounded by government issue furniture, just like every other family I knew. What distinguished us from one another was not our stuff, but our thoughts, our character, our family culture. While none of us had a lot of stuff, we had each other. And even as a child I knew that I was truly fortunate, because my family was happy. We enjoyed having dinner together in the evening, and spent a lot of time at the dinner table catching up on each other’s day. Just the memories of those evenings being surrounded by the loving embrace of family, has sustained me far into my adulthood. Those dinners were holy moments, and they continue to be so even now as I relive those warm memories.

As a mother, I have tried to recreate some of what I had growing up for my children. When they were young, my kids found family gatherings inconvenient and boring. But now that they are adults they see the value of family. They not only look forward to family gatherings but they often ask to include their friends. We make a big production out of it, with all of us in the kitchen cooking, setting the table, and mainly hovering over the stove. These everyday activities can be the most grace filled moments because they are opportunities for us to reconnect to God and those we most love in new and surprising ways. I see the young men my sons have become and they see me not just as their mother, but as an equal, a friend, and a mentor.

On a personal level, recognizing a moment of grace is almost always done in retrospect because while I am in it, I lose my sense of ‘self’. I am so connected with the person, or that inspiration, or that piece of music, or that view of nature, that on some level the ‘I’ part of me disappears. It’s total absorption. And paradoxically, when I regain my sense of self and do become aware that I’ve had a grace-filled moment I feel more expansive-more compassionate, more understanding, more joyful, more excited about life. This expansive feeling, I believe, is but a tiny reflection of the expansiveness of the collective spirit. It’s enough of a taste that I am always left wanting more.

And I am still amazed at how effortless it is, even though I know that grace is a gift. I cannot make it happen, or hone it in any way. I only need to recognize that we are all vessels for the collective spirit, and when we are open to it, God’s love, peace and understanding will flow to and through us.

So I’ve learned that in my work and in my relationships, if I want rewarding and happy results I need to approach them with the desire for grace to enter in. When I see a patient thinking only about what I know this patient needs medically I won’t have the positive experience I do when I leave my agenda and judgement at the door and enter only with a desire to be of service. I don’t have to persuade I just need to encourage, listen, and let the process unfold. I can be fully present and truly of service when I take the ‘me’ out of the equation.

With my friends, moments of grace come often in the form of how we are mirrors for each other. Most of us think of ourselves in a certain way, and we believe that this is what we show the world. But so often I have discovered that my friends don’t see some of their most wonderful qualities, and most especially how much joy and comfort they give me. When I can be a mirror for them as the loving, kind, creative, generous, intelligent, and strong people they are to me, I need to do so.

I have only ever had one friend who was totally happy with herself. Fada isn’t hedonistic. She’s just really content with who she’s becoming. And to be perfectly honest, when I was first getting to know her, I thought there was something very wrong with her. I kept watching her and thinking she can’t be for real. She must be taking Valium. I just could not believe that anyone could be so happy all the time. Obviously I was not being a very nice mirror at that point. Eventually I realized that she was one of those rare individuals who truly exude bliss. That is who she is. Our friendship grew because of the strength of her commitment to becoming my friend, and her ability to forgive almost anything.

Most of us do need loving friends to mirror what we are showing to the world-both the good and the not so good. It’s one of the most reliable checks we have on how our insides relate to our outsides. To allow us to see ourselves as the world sees us. It’s one of the most truthful and loving gifts we can give each other. It takes grace to be that honest with anyone you really care about, and want to continue having a relationship with. And it is through grace that we can hear it and recognize that it is being said with love.

Moments of grace are so multifaceted. They are both a gift and a challenge. The gift is the opportunity for greater understanding of the big picture and ultimately ourselves. The challenge is embracing the opportunity and running it all the way out.

Paul Shoffeitt summed things up very well in his reflection entitled “Holy Moments” when he wrote, “If Journeys Community has a philosophical underpinning it is simply this: Life, all of it, is a spiritual journey. God, the great defining spirit, permeates all of life. And the simple pleasures and everyday moments, even the difficult and challenging moments, are our opportunities to be part of the collective spirit, to be caught up in the arms of love. Such moments provide us our opportunity to find our relevance.”

Resetting Onself

I was just home in Alabama a few weeks ago.  Most of my family gathered at my mother’s house, the house we grew up in and where my mother, now 92, still lives; lives alone taking care of the house and an acre of land.

We had a great time all being together.  While there I reflected on a conversation I had recently with my mother.  She had said that Author, an elderly gentleman, 86 years old who has done yard work for my mother for years; she said Author had been over wanting to work.  She said she had been glad to see him and that they had gotten a lot done.  She said when Author comes over to work she has to get outside and work along side him otherwise he will go too slowly.

She had said that Author had asked for a raise.  He said, “Mrs. Shoffeitt they’re paying $12 and $15 and you’re paying me $9.”  My mother responded, “Author, you’re old and slow you’re lucky to get $9.”
It always does me good to get back home.  I always feel like I’ve had my batteries charged, kind of like I’ve gotten myself reset.  

You know how on a lot of the electronic gizmos we have there is a reset button.  You try to get the thing programmed to do what it’s supposed to do and if all else fails you can push the reset button or you can hit a key and restore the factory default settings.

I’ve often thought how good it would be if we came equipped with a reset button.  It’s so easy to get off course, to get wound around our own axels as we sometimes say in the south. 

All of us thrive on being in the zone of living well, being right with ourselves, those around us, our friends and our responsibilities.   I use acupuncture and a lot of times when I leave one of those sessions, except for a chronic pain I cope with, I feel as good as I ever feel.  I feel like everything is in balance.  I feel good.  I feel at peace with the world. 
I have such a good feeling that I want to guard it.  I think about what I can do to maintain and safeguard this feeling.  If I do this, eat that, drink this, is it going to enhance or is it going to disturb this good feeling, this positive sense of balance and harmony.

Achieving and maintaining a sense of peace and harmony is the high goal of living well.  Because you are here I know you invest your energies in achieving this goal.  And while maybe none of us will achieve the reputed success of the legendary guru sitting on the mountaintop, we can and do achieve a high measure of this enviable goal.

Isn’t this a big part of what is involved with being successful in life?  I think it is; achieving peace and harmony. 

Auburn, my school, fired their football coach this week.  And right at the holiday season too.  Tommy Tuberville, the coach, is going to have to try to make do with 5.1 million dollars.  That was what he got to buy out his contract. 
I think I’d make a good coach.  I’ve been waiting by the phone for the athletic director to call.  I’m beginning to feel that I may not be on his short list.  But you know what I’d tell the players if the AD calls and offers me the job?  I’d tell them that since we are here, playing this game, doing all the hard work that practice and the games require, we might as well win the games.  It’ll be a lot more fun than loosing. 
That’s how I feel about life. I’ve often thought there’s no better reason to strive for success in life than the simple fact that we are here, caught up in this life mystery.  Since we are here, since we have this life to live, we might as well do it well.  It will be a lot more fun.  The way I figure it, the best way to cope with this mystery of life is to live it well; be able to look back on it as you go and say, it’s good, it’s going well so far.  I’m living the harmony. 
And I’ve discovered through the trials that life has given me the wonderful reality that you don’t have to live a charmed life, you don’t have to require that the way be easy; you know, no illness, no early deaths of loved ones, no mistreatment, injustices, no pain.  You don’t have to be lucky.  You don’t have to win the lottery to be successful in life.  You can be successful, by this I mean achieve peace and harmony, no matter what you find on your life path.  And when we get a little off course I think finding a reset button that we can push from time to time can be a tremendous asset in our efforts to live well; in harmony with all that is.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a reset button we could push when we drift from harmony, when we let life events disturb our peace?  Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a default key to press that would restore us to the factory settings of love, peace and harmony. 

For you see, God is our manufacturer and God is love.  And you and I are not only the products of love, we are love.  Love is both the raw material of which we are made and the finished product, it’s who we are. 
We come into the world with the high potential of being love and participating harmoniously in all of life.  But we can get distracted from the wonderful unfolding of the love within us and get caught up in the struggles of others who impact our lives and before long we can find ourselves joining those who are playing off key.

Now, it’s not reasonable to expect we will never get off course.  It’s not reasonable to assume we can ever and always maintain peacefulness and harmony.  None of us go too long before letting our peace and harmony become disturbed.  Everyday someone mistreats us or something highly distracting occurs.  Whether it’s malicious or unintentional, all of us suffer injustices, worries and distractions.  And all of these things invite us to lay aside our peace and cause our harmony to be disturbed. 
We’re all alike in this way.  But learning how to quickly reset when this happens is one of the key ingredients of living well, a way of spending more time in the zone of peace and less time in the dreaded territory of restlessness and disharmony.

So how do we reset?
One of the ways we do this is to be selective about what we allow to disturb our sense of peace and harmony. 
Several years ago, while a college student, my son raced cars.  And while no one in our family was happy about this, we recognized and respected John’s ownership of his life and his freedom to decide how to live, what to do.  And so I tried to go to his races.  

In a road race at Road Atlanta John was pushed into the wall and totaled his car.  Other drivers witnessing the mishap strongly felt the other driver of the car that John had collided with had caused the accident and felt John should lodge a complaint.  John thought it over and while he did take steps to make it less likely that another driver might get caught up in the kind of mishap he had experienced, he said something very profound when that night as he sat with his friends and fellow racers.  He said, “You have to pick, you have to be selective about what you get upset over.  There are for sure going to be things that you need to get fired up over, but you need to make sure that the one before you is one of these.”
I think what John said that fall night in Georgia is one of the essential keys to resetting, achieving and maintaining peace and harmony.  We need to be selective about what we get riled up over, what we let cause us to abandon a place of harmony.
Second we need to explore other alternatives to abandoning our peace.  For example, a few weeks ago while on a road trip with my son, some one angrily pulled around us and threw up her hand in the kind of salute that only requires one finger.  And I thought, “She doesn’t even know me.  I bet she’d like me if she got to know me.”

When disturbance looms large I try to choose  another thought path than the one I’m being invited down.  Instead of going down the path of anger and hate, I try to choose another path, sometimes humor, sometimes love, sometimes simply a no; I’m just not going to go there.

Potentially unsettling incidents energize us and where we spend that energy has a lot to do with what happens to us as a result of the incident.  Letting that energy fuel an act of love or caring is one of the best things we can do at times like this.  Such acts serve to remind us of where and how our interests are best served.  Being a loving creature always serves us best.  And exercising love is mutually exclusive of disharmony and restlessness.
Also, we need to distance ourselves from those who regularly and predictably invite us away from our place of peace and harmony.  Sad as it is, there are those that for us are what Wayne Dwyer calls “toxic.”   There are people, for some they may even be family members that you’ve grown up with, who regularly and predictably disturb your sense of harmony.  We have to distance ourselves from toxic others, enforce boundaries and remove these people from our lives and not let them back in while they are being so toxic for us.  You are not good for everybody on this planet and everybody on this planet isn’t good for you.  And some on this planet particularly are not good for you.
And it’s not just people that can be toxic for us; other things can be toxic and disturb our peace.  TV news programs and other programs, newspapers, organizations, places of employment can be toxic.  A good friend never watches TV news.  He stays informed through an Internet news site.  Another turns off her telephone during meal times and every week on Sundays.  Another refuses to participate in gossip.  She has a no comment approach to gossip.  It just isn’t possible to engage her in a conversation that involves criticizing people who aren’t present.  In so many ways we can filter out input that is toxic to us.
Viewing disharmony, peacelessness as an interruption, by definition a temporary place to be, can also be helpful.

And so when something assaults our peace we need to take care of it as quickly and as effectively as possible because when it comes right down to it you and I, being the loving, playful, light hearted, peaceful creatures that by design we are, simply don’t have time for such interruptions. 

My good friend, Stu Brown, often quotes Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, “Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day; and you shall begin it well and serenely.”

Finally sadly, I think, we are often the authors of these assaults on our tranquility.  We neglect our basic needs, don’t take good care of ourselves, get too busy, learn to worry too easily.  So much of the work we need to do to avoid these distractions that take us away from being the fun loving, peaceful person we were made to be so, much of this work we need to do at home with ourselves.

You and I, at our best, are deeply spiritual beings, a part of all that is and when we live in harmony with all that is we claim our rightful place as a part of the whole, what we call God. 

So what about you?  How do you build, safeguard and avoid prolonged or frequent interruptions to your peace and harmony?

How do you reset to the factory settings?  I’m going to ask you to think about that now in a few moments of silence.  Sometimes it’s something we do or a place we go to like the park I often visit.  Sometimes it’s an inside ourselves place that we go.

When your peace gets disturbed how do you reset?  How do you get back to the factory settings of love, peace and harmony?

 I can’t believe it’s Christmas again.  It seems just yesterday it was Christmas. 

I’ve been getting into the mood, in the mood for these holidays, having a wonderful, special holiday season.  And for me, this business of having a Merry Christmas isn’t an automatic kind of thing.  But then, none of life is.

I have a belief and that is that every season of our lives can be appropriated for good.  I believe that we can use everything that confronts us along the life path for good.  We just have to put some energy and planning into it.  We just have to see ourselves as the authors of our peace and happiness.

One of the reasons that this Christmas season is so hard for some of us is that it’s a season when we expect; we long to be taken care of.  We reflect back to childhood days when Christmas was staged for us.  We were oriented to this holiday and we were extended expectations that here is a time in life when others, Santa Claus, mom, dad, whomever, will make me feel good.  Here is a time when I can sit back and be taken care of, magically entertained.

The advertising supports these expectations.  He’s giving her a ring.  They’re all gathered around the warm fire.  They’re bundle in the horse drawn sleigh, the sleigh bells ringing.  She’s home for the holiday.   And it all seems so effortless, all served up to these fortunate ones.  So beautiful, so peaceful.

A challenge of growing up is coming to grips with the truth that we and only we are the authors of our happiness and peace.  No one has assumed the role of entertaining us, taking care of us. 

I can remember the day that my dad said to me, “You’re OYO, on your own.”  What a frightening thought that was when first I heard it.  “Don’t tell me that,” I thought.  “Don’t tell me there isn’t at least one other that is charged with the duty to take care of me, make me happy, make my life good, make it wonderful and peaceful.”

If we are passive, if we wait on life, on the good that life offers, to come to us, we will never find it.  The good in life, the good in every season, the good that these holidays offer can be ours but only if we go out and seize it.

If I’m passive now as the holidays approach; if I set back and expect to be entertained, taken care of, I can be sure I’ll have a bad holiday season.  It’s true what they say about tis the season.  This indeed is the season.  Like all the seasons of life it’s a season that calls for our best.   And if we respond with our best, it becomes a wonderful season.

Recently I attended a program inspired by a woman who for many years had suffered emotionally.  Not just in the holiday season, in lots of seasons of the year she struggled with difficult emotions.  And in the midst of her struggle she decided to try to better understand why life was so often so hard, so difficult for her.  Out of her work grew a movement that is spreading throughout the mental health community. 

What this amazing woman did was in the depths of her despair, she decided to get analytical about the business of living well and she developed for herself a plan for good living and in so doing put together a template for others to do the same.

In the trying and difficult times of life as well as in the ordinary days of life, this woman dedicated herself to living close to her plan. 

Now, many years after she developed this strategy for living well, she has studied thousands of living well plans that others have developed using her paradigm and identified some common components to these plans and in one of her books suggests that all who are seeking to make more of their life experience consider putting together a plan like this with consideration for these common ingredients. 

Coming to know what you require to live well and enjoy life and living according to these requirements is important, particularly important when you are approaching known difficult zones of life which these holidays are for some of us like me.

Theses common ingredients she identified, roughly paraphrased, are:

Treasure, take care of your body.  Eat well, rest, exercise, keep up with your medical care.

Treat yourself as well as you would an honored guest in your home.  Take care of and keep the space you occupy in order.  You are the most important guest you will ever welcome into your home.  Fill your home with music and art so that it speaks to your soul.  And do this whether you live with others or live alone.  Because either way somebody really important is present. 

Spend some time each week expanding your capabilities…learn an instrument, a language, take a course.    Never stop growing and developing your capabilities.

Do all you can to find and make your work meaningful

Have fun, play often and don’t forget the simple pleasures, a walk, a sunset.

Avoid toxins, particularly those of the interpersonal variety.

Don’t let life’s obstacles destroy your spirit.

And most of all keep a list of people, both near and far, personally known as well as those you know only because of their plight such as the hungry, the homeless etc., and practice active mindfulness in relation to theses people.  Give them your love, your caring and share with them.  Because giving is the final key to unlock the goodness that our lives can claim.  Giving, being mindful of others is the expression of our deepest and truest nature and it’s what causes us to be at peace with this mystery we call life.

I believe that living well, whatever the season, requires this kind of intention and I believe that the difficult times in life require it even more. 

For me this holiday season can be a difficult time and that’s because of some painful associations.  The three of us, two small children, the first Christmas after my wife died.  The Christmas six years ago when Cathy died.  And other painful associations. 

So I anticipate the difficulty of this part of the life path and step up my efforts at living well.  I take extra care with how I treat myself.  I make myself a guest in my home, in my space.  I look for more times to play and have fun.  I embrace more often the simple pleasures of life.  I keep the music playing, fire in the fireplace, candles lit.   And I concentrate a lot more on practicing mindfulness, being in touch with, extending love and caring to those whom I have chosen to be mindful of.

And I let this be my all-consuming orientation to life.  And as a result I’ll have a great holiday. 

And so instead of coping with this time of year, I now embrace it.  I claim the special ness of this season.  From my Christian tradition I claim the beautiful story of a loving God reaching out placing among us another guide, someone to show us the way, how to make life the gift it can be.  I warm myself with the imagery of the all-powerful One placing His guide among us in a quiet, humble way.  A little baby, poor, born in a barn, a manager His bed.  And like others He showed us the way, reminded us who we are, His brothers and sisters, born of the same God that he called God. 

I take my cue from this story, noticing that it was about active, proactive involvement.  The participants in the first Christmas were active players.  They were trekking in the cold night to Bethlehem.  They were out looking for food and lodging.  They were caught up in an adventure full of excitement and requiring their active participation.  They were ushering in new ideas about love, about peace, about who we are and about how to make life full and meaningful.

This holiday season can be meaningful and exciting for you and me too.  It can be a season that we do more than cope with.  It can be a season that we embrace and participate in and as a result find real joy and meaning.  And it can be that way by our acting on the belief that we have it in our power to make all the seasons of our lives good ones.  Realizing that we are equipped by our Maker with the power to bring goodness into our lives regardless of the obstacles and as a result into the lives of those around us, be they friends or strangers.  And we do this always through giving good care to ourselves so that we can give good care and give fully to others.

So that’s my formula for making this a good holiday/Christmas season.  It’s the same formula for every season, embraced more strongly given the emotional intensity of this one for me.

Take care of yourself. 

Make yourself an honored guest wherever you are. 

Keep learning, growing becoming.  Para me, ahora, yo esta estudiar espanole.

Make your work meaningful. 

Have fun.

Avoid toxins, particularly those of the interpersonal variety.

Don’t let the obstacles defeat your spirit.

Practice active mindfulness.  Be actively mindful of others.

And remember this active mindfulness, this spirit of giving, that’s a lot of what this season is all about.  It’s the giving that after all is what unlocks the magic that every season of life offers us.  It’s the giving.   That’s what brings us the joy that this season and all of life has to offer.

Several weeks ago my sons suggested we do it differently this year, that we gather in Charleston, John’s new home and have Christmas there.  And so we started putting together a special time.  We reached out to friends who were, so to speak, at loose ends, not sure where to go for the holidays and invited them to join us.  We decided to do the gift thing differently.  We decided to each take a sum of money, take the larger portion of it and give it away, taking care to learn something about the organizations and causes we gave to.  And on Christmas morning we decided to share with the others something about the organizations and causes we had chosen to support.  And then we decided to use the smaller portion and buy gifts for ourselves;  after having first drawn names.  We then are planning to wrap these gifts with a gift tag indicating they are for us, from the ones whose names we had drawn.  In this way the suspense and excitement will be in not finding out what you got from someone but in finding out what you had given another.

The good news is you can embrace this season in your own special ways and declare with joy, “It really tis the season.”  You can count yourself among those warmed by the fire,  the sleigh bells, the warmth of friends, the warmth of the season whatever the tradition that speaks to you.

I have a prayer for us.  Will you join me.

Dear God, we come here in this time of reflection and stillness and take full notice of this special season.  It’s special because it reminds us that you did not leave us alone in this mysterious circumstance called life.  You are with us in this journey and you lead us, showing us the way to make it the good and meaningful journey that it can be; the kind of journey in which we grow and become more of who you gave us the opportunity to be. 

Thank you for coming among us that special night so long ago in a barn in Bethlehem as well as all the other many times. 

Please help us not only to follow your guidance but also in doing so to become your guides for others.  Thank you.

A couple of months ago I was asked to help plan a retreat for The Well for the Journey organization in Baltimore.  (I’ve been a part of their Women At the Well group for the past year so they are aware of my work here with Journeys.)   The topic was “Listening to the Heartbeat of God During Advent”.   I responded to their request by saying that while I would be happy to participate in the planning, I knew very little about Advent and very little about Christian music, so I wasn’t sure how much help I would be.  They responded by saying, “Just bring your creative spirit.”  So I agreed to help. Well, then I got sick for several weeks and unfortunately missed the first two planning  meetings.  Two weeks before the retreat, I attended the last planning session - my first.   You can only imagine my surprise when I was handed an outline of the schedule of events and saw my name beside the last hour of the retreat - the Closing.  When I asked if this was a typo or was there another Michele, they laughed and so “no, we thought you’d be the perfect person to do the Closing.”   Whatever gave them that idea I do not know and despite my protests they continued to think this was a good idea.

Two and a half hours later, after I had them take me through the entire retreat experience and answers all my questions, I said “Okay, I’ll do it.”

I then went home and read everything I could about Advent and prepared my closing. 

Being asked to participate in the retreat, which took place last weekend, was such a .gift.  I learned the messages of Advent are truly universal and that these ideas were ones that I could not only relate to, but embrace in my own life. 

Quite honestly, I’ve struggled with bringing deeper meaning to the Christmas season.  Especially as a mother, knowing how to explain the importance of Christmas when I’ve had so many questions of my own, has been difficult.  But this year, because of my experience with the retreat and my new found understanding of Advent, I’ve been able to experience this season in a way that is much fuller, and in way that I am very comfortable sharing with my children.

I’ve learned that you can participate in Christmas, and the four weeks preceding Christmas Day, or Advent, regardless of your faith, and do it in a way that both honors the origins of the holiday, honors Christianity, and is deeply meaningful as well.

I’ve learned that Advent is a time of reflection.  In this 4 week period leading up to Christmas day, there are several themes Christians are supposed to reflect on as they move through the Advent season.  I realize that many of you are familiar with all of this and I would like to ask you today, to act as if you are hearing all of this for the first time, “wipe the slate clean”, so to speak, and really open yourselves up to the possibility of learning something new or perhaps shifting your perspective. 

Specifically, as a Christian you are to reflect on three things: the birth of Christ, the presence of God in our midst, and hope.   What we’d like to do today is to make look at these Christian responsibilities and make them accessible to all of us, regardless of faith. We’re going to explore these themes and find ways to make them relevant in our lives through music and reading and, because Advent is meant to be an internal process, we’ve also built in some meditation time for each of these themes.

But before we begin our exploration of the separate themes, we want to pay homage to Christianity, whose holy season has been somewhat usurped by the secular world with a reading from the Bible and a song for Mary.  

We would like to not only pay homage to the origins of Advent, but to embrace it’s universal message.

PART 1 - Reflecting on the Birth of Christ - How do we birth God into the world?  How are we channels for God’s love?

If you are Christian, the first request of Advent is to reflect on the birth of Jesus and to remember with humility the pain and struggle of Mary and Joseph’s journey and also of Jesus’s life on Earth.   If you do not interpret the Bible literally, what is the true relevance of this story?  How can this story be reflected in your life?   

The women at the retreat had a beautiful way of explaining the relevance of this story to our lives today.  They said, just as Mary was an empty vessel who was open to being filled with God and then brought God into the world, so can we open our hearts, minds and souls to the divine spirit and be the channels of the spirit.  We can give birth, men and women alike, or bring forth the divine spirit into the world.  In the Luke in the Bible, after the angel Gabriel comes to Mary and tells her that she is going to give birth to the son of God, Mary goes to stay with her cousin Elizabeth.  There is a lovely passage called the Magnificat, or Mary’s Songs of Praise.  In the very first line, she says “My soul magnifies the Lord”. 

“Is your soul magnifying God into the world?”

                                OR

“How are you giving birth to, or bringing forth, the spirit of the God of your understanding, into the world?”

PART 2 - God In Our Midst

The second theme or point to ponder is the idea that God is in our midst.  God is with us, but it is up to us to bring the awareness, to be present to experience God in the ordinary, the everyday.

Second Reading:  Excerpt from The Vigil  by Wendy M. Wright

“When all is said and done, in the tradition, angels are messengers of God.  Winged words.  Hovering visitations.  They are the medium through which God touches our lives.  But we must be alert for their arrival, open to hear their words.

In this season especially, we are invited to be alive to their nearness, anticipating their arrival in our time.  Who then are our angels that come to us, as it were, out of the clear blue sky?  Who in our lives are the messengers of God?  Who are those around us - spouse, children, parents, friends, colleagues, members of the congregation, strangers - who come to us as the medium through which God wishes to touch our lives?  Have we eyes capable of the simple vision and hearts capable of the wonder needed to discern what they have to say?”

I’d like to ask you now to take a couple of moment and reflect on Ms. Wright’s question:

“Have we eyes capable of the simple vision and hearts capable of the wonder needed to discern what they [angels] have to say?”

                                                          OR

“Are your heart and mind open to the presence of God?”
PART 3 - Hope

The third theme of Advent is one of Hope.  For those who interpret the Bible literally it is not only individual hopes but also the grander hope of the Second Coming of Christ.  For those who do not interpret the Bible literally, it is a universal message of hope.  It is a call to reflect on what our hopes are for ourselves, our families and friends and for the planet. 

We’re going to give you a moment to meditate on your personal hopes in a moment, but to lead your there, we’d like to start off with a guided meditation for Advent that incorporates all three of the themes we’ve discussed. 

Guided Meditation for Advent

“First let’s become present”

Be aware of the chair as it is under you and behind you.
Let it hold you for a moment.
Allow it.

Let this become the Great Holding of God.

As in the Psalm -”Like a stilled child in a Mothers lap”

Receive the holding.

(Pause)

“Then take your attention inward, even while you are aware of the holding of you”:

Let your attention be drawn to your Center - to that inner

Sanctuary where as it says in John’s Gospel,

“God makes a home in you”

Experience this Light, let it burn within you.

Receive the Light.

(Pause)
“Now even while you are aware of the Great Holding of God, and the Christ Light,” 

Pay attention to the breath of life within you.

Let your breathing breath through all things as they are.

Let this breath be the very breath of the Spirit,

always renewing, always transforming.

 (read these slowly aloud)

• THE GREAT HOLDING SURROUNDING US
• THE LIGHT  WITHIN
• THE BREATH OF SPIRIT BREATHING THROUGH ALL THINGS

 (pause)

“Listen in silence to the call of Advent.”

• LET US WALK IN THE LIGHT OF GOD
• PUT ON THE ARMOR OF LIGHT
• STAY AWAKE
• FOR THE EARTH SHALL BE FILLED WITH KNOWLEDGE OF THE DIVINE 
• LIVE IN PERFECT HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER
• PRAY THE REIGN OF GOD IS AT HAND
• SAY TO THOSE WHOSES HEARTS ARE FRIGHTENED: BE STRONG, FEAR NOT.
• GOD SETS CAPTIVES FREE
• AND THEY SHALL CALL HIM EMMANUEL, A NAME THAT MEANS
  “GOD IS WITH US”

(Pause)

Now take a moment to reflect on your hopes for the coming year.

 As you watched the beautiful short film we showed at the beginning of this service, I’m sure many of you were struck, as I was, with the feeling that we simply must find a better balance the world’s eco system if we are to survive as a species.  And so we look for ways that each of us can contribute toward helping solve our dependence on fossil fuels by driving less, using less energy in our homes, and reusing instead of throwing out.  But this film also pointed out the loss of diversity we are experiencing globally, as the impact of human expansion and development impacts all life forms on the planet.   No where is this loss of diversity more apparent than in the loss of species and the varieties of crops grown around the world.  Now Thanksgiving approaches and with it come memories of a table so loaded with food that it resembled a ‘groaning board’ and that feeling of being so stuffed that one could hardly move.  But historically that is a far cry from the first Thanksgiving when the Pilgrims gave humble thanks for not starving.  They had been instructed by native Americans on how to grow corn, a local staple that would sustain them.  They were shown a way of living off the land, which honored the local crops and the lives of animals given to sustain them.  This reverence for the earth and all that live on it, so apparent then, is something we can continue today. 

 Barbara Kingsolver’s book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle  speaks directly to this. I slowly savored every pages of this book as I read about how to garden effectively without chemical pesticides, how to raise heirloom fruits, vegetables, and live stock; how to can and make homemade cheese; and about recipes that honor the seasons.  It is a culture that supports the small farming operations by helping to establish a market for their organic produce and grass fed sheep, cows, and pigs.  It is also a culture that preserves variety.    And while I understood and agreed with everything I read, I wondered how I could go about that here.  As it turned out one of my employees spent the better part of her childhood active in 4H, and she opened my eyes to what is possible for those wishing to establish a different relationship with the food that sustains them.

Beth lives on a farm not far from my office.  Her family raises sheep, pigs, beef and goats, all of which are finished on pasture.  And she was delighted that I wanted to buy from her family because every 4Her is dependent on finding a market for the animals they so carefully raise.  What makes their projects unique is that the emphasis is on the health and wellbeing of the animals and not on making a profit.  They just need to break even.  The icing on the cake was her assurance that they use a meat packer who has truly humane methods.  So I bought a half of a hog, which came back as chops, roasts, bacon and sausage for an average of $2.35/ lb., was delicious, had far less fat and far more omega 3’s than corn fed animals. Now I am waiting for the quarter beef I just bought.

    I am grateful for such an economical way of buying meat, which for me is always the most expensive part of my food budget.  But I am even more grateful that I can eat this meat and not feel guilty because I know that these animals were not in some awful confinement raising operation but were out in the Maryland pasture.  I know too that they were fed all the pumpkins Beth’s family could not sell, and that pumpkin is one of their favorite treats. I am grateful for finding a balance between the food I eat and the lives given to provide my nourishment.   And I know that this food came from Beth’s farm, from her labor and care.  It makes a difference.

 Beth also introduced me to the Brendezie family whose daughter sells eggs as her 4H project.  This little ten year old proudly sold me 3 dozen of the most beautiful cream, aqua, and pale green eggs I have ever seen.  And I thought eggs only came in brown and white.  And these chickens aren’t in some massive Perdue confinement-raising operation, stacked 3 deep in a cage, having first had their beaks rounded off so that they can no longer groom parasites off themselves.  They are free ranging in the yard, they have names, and they come when called if you have food for them. 

So I am grateful to find that I have much control over how and what my family eats than I would have thought possible. I am also grateful to Kingsolver’s book for reminding me about the seasonality of foods.  We have gotten away from reveling in the bounty of the present harvest, and used to having endless varieties of foods available all the time.  This is not nature’s way.  There is a gratitude that comes from planting, tending, and finally harvesting that is not felt when we simply pluck things off the grocery store shelf.   We lose the discipline of waiting and the anticipation of eating, which makes those fruits taste even sweeter, as well as the satisfaction of producing with our own labor.  Now I realize that not all of us can or want to farm and raise live stock, but we can have a more personal relationship with local growers and we can learn to preserve foods, like our ancestors did, so that they are still available long after the harvest.

This year I went to Lariland Farm and picked peaches and blackberries, and those that were not devoured immediately, because they were so sweet, I canned.  I had never canned before and I had some reservations.  But it was easy, and I cannot tell you how gratifying it is to look in my pantry and see the jars of beautiful golden peaches and blackberry preserves.  And each time we open a jar, I remember being out in those fields during the height of the summer, with the sun on my back, feeling totally at peace and one with the beauty and bounty of the harvest.  And I remember thinking, if this is as close to farming as I ever get it will do very nicely.

I asked Beth if she would be willing to give those who contact our office for more information, the names and phone numbers of 4Hers who would love your support.  She will be happy to do so.  Large agribusiness would have us believe that obtaining our foods from local growers is not feasible, but I find their position directly opposes my own experience.  Every time I made a connection for locally grown food, the gratitude I experienced from the growers was palpable.  They need buyers they can count on to know how much to plant, and what varieties we want to stimulate our palates.  You have no idea how many varieties of fruits and vegetables we no longer cultivate because they did not grow in uniform size and shape, were difficult to package, or were considered to labor intensive to harvest.  In South America alone, they used to cultivate over 4,000 different varieties of potatoes.  Native Indians used to grow over a dozen varieties of corn.  Local growers are happy to plant whatever they can grow in this area, if they perceive a desire for it.   And when you connect with local growers, you have the satisfaction of helping to support their way of life, of helping to sustain more varieties of foods, and of supporting more humane animal raising methods.   This for me is a much better balance.     

In a little while, we will be opening the service up for discussion, and would appreciate you sharing your experiences about the things you have been able to change to achieve a better balance in your lives.  My reflection today has been about food, but you may be focusing on other aspects, which are just as valid and for which you are grateful.  I would like to close my reflection with an excerpt from Camaris Parker-Rhodes.

The whole point of living is to become spiritually aware

in thinking, feeling, suffering, and doing.

It is not success so much that matters any more,

as becoming more deeply human-one

that is kinder, truer, more to be relied on

and less automatic in response.

• Directories & Resources

• Amazing Grazing Directory - www.futureharvestcasa.org/amazing.html

Lists grass-based farms in Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia that sell their products directly to consumers.  Find you local sources for steaks, ground beef, leg of lamb, sausage, bacon, eggs, smoked hams, roasting chickens, handmade cheeses, goats-milk fudge, cheese-stuffed pasta, Thanksgiving turkeys, Christmas geese, and more.

• Animalvegetablemiracle.com

Barbara Kingsolver’s website

 

• Edible Landscaping & Gardening — www.efn.org/~bsharvy/edible.html

 

• FoodRoutes - http://www.foodroutes.org/

National nonprofit dedicated to reintroducing Americans to their food

 

• Local Harvest - http://www.localharvest.org/

Enter your zip code to find local farms, farmers’ markets, restaurants, grocery stores and other sources of sustainable-grown produce, grass-fed meats, and many other goodies in your area.

• Slow Food International - http://www.slowfoodusa.org/

Focuses on saving rare breeds of live stock, such as heirloom turkeys, by getting more people interested in eating them and then contracting with farmers to raise them.

• The Seed Savers’ Exchange - http://www.seedsavers.org/

Seeds are living units.  Diane and Kent Whealy developed a network of 8,000 members who grow, save and exchange more than 11,000 varieties from their own gardening heritage.  The Seed Savers’ Yearbook makes seeds available to its members.

Sunday, November 15, 2008

  When Michele asked me to lead this service, I was thinking that it would be mostly animal stories-some humorous, some sad.  But as much as I love my patients, that sacred thread of connection has always included their people.  And I have been truly blessed to have some wonderful teachers.

When I began practicing 25 years ago, I decided to make house calls.  First to provide a private, compassionate way of performing one of my least liked tasks, euthanasia, and then later for elderly clients who either didn’t drive or who were unable to leave their homes. 

Francis Dill was one of those. The first time I went to her small house to trim the nails of one of her stray cats, I went alone thinking it wouldn’t take long.  Almost as soon as I arrived, the cat escaped.  Thinking it was a wasted trip, I prepared to leave but she motioned towards her kitchen table and invited me to have a cup of tea with her.  I realized that she wanted to talk. So I sat down and over the next few hours listened to her life story. 

Francis had lived in Howard County her whole life and had been married to a milk truck driver for over fifty years.  When I asked her what the county had been like 50 years ago, she said that she would often go with her husband on his delivery route so that when he finished they could picnic in a meadow.  Their life had been simple and very happy.  She’d had close neighbors, who had watched each other’s children grow up, and shared in each other’s joys and sorrows.  Unfortunately most of them had passed or moved away.  Her husband had died of a heart attack, and now she lived on his pension with her four cats. Francis had a daughter in the area who would come to take her grocery shopping and to church, but most of the time she spent with her cats.  She never turned a stray away.  When I finally put my coat on to leave, she reached up and grabbed my arm, pulling me down, so that she could kiss me on the cheek.      

I made many trips to her house over the next couple of years, always at the end of my day so that I could visit with her.  And when her daughter called to tell me that Francis had died, I knew how much I would miss her and also how much she had connected me with not just her life, but with a way of life that is disappearing.

Whenever I think of Francis I am reminded how fragile these connections are and how easy it is to take them for granted.  She was so much more than just an elderly client.  She was a living example of growing old gracefully, even on a very modest income.  She showed me what it could be like to be alone but not lonely, which is something that I occasionally wonder about since I am divorced and my boys will both be on their own soon.  I really loved her simple strength and goodness, her cheerful optimism and openness, her ability to grow old without fear, her affection and her smile, that lit up a room and radiated joy.   I still miss her.

Recently one of my clients shared her travels with me.  She had been to New Mexico.  She described its mountainous beauty, its quiet serenity, and how clean and clear the air was.  She had loved it.  Almost as an after thought, she described a ritualized letting go that she had done on this trip.  She said that she wrote down all the “bad stuff” on a piece of paper. Then she took that paper and cut it up into geometric shapes, which she placed outside in a ravine and burned them.  She left the ashes there for rain to come and wash them away. 

I loved the images her story produced.  Pulling the pain out of her body and onto the page.  Cutting that page up into new shapes, thereby severing any hold that pain could still have on her and allowing her to look at it differently.  Burning the paper and releasing the pain with the smoke.  And finally allowing rainwater to wash away any remaining residue, so that she could start over, clean and fresh.

I am always happy to hear travel stories since I do not have the opportunity to travel nearly as much as I would like.  But I had not appreciated how deeply spiritual this client was until this last visit.  Now we have another level on which to connect. And I know how vulnerable it can make you feel to share something so personal the way that she did.  I am honored that she felt she could.

I have to give thanks for the people who step into my life and teach me things I might never have a chance to learn otherwise.  People who remind me of what I already know but may have forgotten or be starting to take for granted.  I know that these connections are available all the time if only I am aware of the opportunity.  

Occasionally, the messengers are on the television.  You may have seen the PBS story of the young boy who watched a program on bridge building.  He got so excited that he called his Dad into the room to watch TV with him, and then asked his Mom to help him find more information about that bridge on the internet.  They found an Internet site for the engineering firm that built the bridge and they e-mailed the firm to ask how he could become an engineer and if could he work for them some day.  He was not expecting to hear back from them, because as he said, “I’m just a kid.”  But they did write back and urged him to work hard in reading and math in school.  He began reading everything he could get his hands on and pulled his grade up from an ‘F’ to an ‘A’ in reading.  Then they invited him to come and see the bridge.  They gave him and his parents on a private tour of the bridge and took them to lunch, complete with a cake in the shape of a bridge.  Afterward, they gave him an application to fill out.

In this short clip we never know the name of the child, the engineering firm, or even the name of the bridge.  But it doesn’t matter because the real story is how his life changed when they chose to honor the connection he started.    When we reach out to those who are already in our lives, as well as those on the horizon, we become a conduit for God’s love and grace.  We can receive as well as give.  And yes we must walk softly to avoid treading on someone else’s dreams, or hurts, or hopes.

  

What is the difference between beliefs and values?  Some say that beliefs are ideas taken on trust, often when we are very young.  In fact some researchers say that our basic beliefs are formed by the time we are five years old.  If this is true then much of what we believe comes from those closest to us-family and friends.  And it comes at a time when we have very little in the way of life experience with which to test these ideas. We just accept and assimilate them.

Values, on the other hand, are those ideas that are shaped by our life experience.  Sometimes our beliefs and values are in harmony, and sometimes they are so disharmonious that we have to work really hard to reconcile them or we have to change them.  I certainly do not have the same beliefs now that I did in my twenties.  Things were far more black and white for me then, because I had less life experience to create all the shades of gray.   As I have gotten older many of the absolutes I held have given way to the reality that life is not so simple and neither is the human heart.

I started writing this reflection by asking myself questions about what I really believed.  Questions like is it really possible to be right?  And how much does being right really matter?  There was a time when I believed that there truly was a “right” way of thinking and behaving.  I thought that the way to become the best person I could be was to find that “right” path.  With time and many more life lessons under my belt I have discovered just how impossible it is to take such a proprietary stance on the notion of “rightness.”  Because there have been times when I have thought I was right and had the very best of intentions and still had things turn out badly.  Recently I had dinner with an old friend, and as we were talking she told a story involving a labor and delivery nurse who had a traumatizing experience, when she was asked to assist in an abortion. 

My friend has years of experience in delivering babies and in NICU, and I began asking questions like, what could have been done differently and what would you have done in that situation?  Well, she absolutely bristled at my questions, I think because she felt that what I was really questioning was her judgement and assessment of the situation.  She thought that I was trying to make her wrong.  What I wanted was the benefit of her knowledge and experience.  I was trying to get where she was and understand her truth. 

Because I know that my values are both shaped and limited by my life experiences.  And if all we can ever know is our personal truth where does that leave us?  For me it comes down to finding common ground.  Being able to see enough of myself in “the other” that feeling threatened or wrong gives way to generosity of spirit.  Ultimately, it’s not even about agreeing. It’s about being able to stand in another’s shoes and walk around in them long enough to get a glimpse of the world as they see it.  And having the benefit of more eyes to see with than just your own can truly be illuminating and expansive.

Another question I asked myself was, am I really open to hearing both sides of an issue?  All of you with children know that getting them to hold themselves accountable for their actions can be a real challenge.  It took me far too long, however, to discover that I really needed to hear my son’s side of things because I was sometimes in such a hurry to deal with a situation that I didn’t give him time to really explain.  And if he thought I was really angry with him, Adam would just take his punishment and not talk at all.  How many of you have had a situation where you were told about your child’s behavior by another child, or a teacher, and you assumed that it must be true.  “Yes, that sounds just like him.”  And you mentally passed judgement before you ever heard your child’s side of the story.  I thank God that Adam is as forgiving as he is because I really wasn’t open to hearing his side of the story.  Sometimes it would be years before I finally heard his side of the story and realized just how wrong I had been.  I would feel terrible.  And I would start to apologize and Adam would be so gracious.  He’s say, “It’s OK Mom, I know you didn’t understand, or you were just tired, or you were really busy.”  But it never felt OK, then or now.

Our focus may be on sides of political issues right now, but we have an opportunity every day to be open to hearing our families and friends.  And if we filter everything that we see, and hear, and experience for only those that validate what we already believe, we loose the opportunity for showing those we care most about compassion and love.  When we focus on our differences or those things we do not agree with or believe in, we create distance between us.  And the more distance we create the easier it is to make “the other” wrong.  So it’s important to focus on our connections with those we love, who love and support us, because it’s through these connections that we overcome our sorrows and fears and find reasons to celebrate.

I also asked myself whether or not I believed that there was enough abundance to go around or did I need to protect my piece of pie from being taken away from me?  And for that matter what should I have a right to and what should I have to earn?  If you had asked me about abundance 6 months ago, I would have been a strong advocate for the belief that there is enough food and resources for everyone in the world and no one should be without the dignity of adequate food and shelter.  The current financial crisis has tested that belief. And I have found myself asking is there still enough for all of us?  It has been quite honestly both frightening and distressing.  Many of my clients have expressed concerns about their retirement accounts and the security of their jobs because their companies are downsizing.  I hear the fear in their voices, even as they try to put up a brave front.  And all I can really do is listen and be reminded that we are all in this together.  I pray that people will continue to feel that they can be generous in spirit, even if they cannot be generous with goods and money.

I am no longer angry about what is happening, or who is to blame, for our current financial crisis.  I only know that we have to support each other through it, and I am reminded of the quote, “Victory goes not to the swift or the strong, but to he who  endures to the end.” Part of being able to endure is having a strong core, really knowing what you believe in and care about, and why.          

During the campaigning for the presidential election, we have heard proprietary stances on God and country, racial innuendo, character smears and fear mongering.  Some would say that this is the nature of politics.   But once we have made our choice on November 4th, we are going to have to come together as a people to get through all that we face as a nation, and that will take all the generosity of spirit that we can muster. Colin Powell reminded us recently that it is “our unity and our diversity” that makes us strong, as a nation and a people. Jesus instructed us to love God and to love one another.  Reaching for understanding can be that first step.

Hope Lives On and Love Remains

While I studied clinical psychology, I spent most of my career in an administrative capacity. When I visit, when I talk with my friends who are counselors I sometimes miss those days when I was privileged to do the kind of work they do. And when I play Walter Mitty and think about being a clinician I think I would want to specialize. I think I would want to work with those who are struggling with losses.

It’s not hard to understand why. Because many of the most powerful experiences of my life have involved loss. I loss two loves as well as other family members. I loss a lot of my physical capacity and ability as my ankle deteriorated. I loss many of my illusions about life.

In these times of financial crisis and uncertainty loss is very much in the picture. People are loosing jobs, loosing homes, loosing savings.

Over these last couple of weeks I’ve talked with several friends who have experienced financial losses akin to those experienced by my parents in the great depression. People who have had their life savings wiped out, people who are moving out of their homes as they are being foreclosed on, people loosing their jobs, people who are loosing the sense of knowing where life is taking them.

If we pay attention to it loss is always in the air. It’s always right around us touching our lives and the lives of people we know and love. And now with all of this financial upheaval the reality of loss is hitting home with greater visibility.
Because you are here you already know something about the importance of the spiritual dimension of life. You already know that the spiritual dimension is just as important as every other dimension of life. It’s just as important as the physical dimension of life. And you know that no one can do well in life without spiritual strength.

It’s obvious to most that physical well-being is an important given to doing well in life. It’s obvious that we can’t do very well at this business of living well without taking care of our physical health. Living well day to day simply requires that we maintain and nurture our physical strength. And when we get sick our reserves of physical strength serve us as we draw upon them.

But physical strength is not the only kind of strength that we need. It’s not the only kind of strength we need to draw upon, rely on as we face life challenges. It’s a certain fact that all who draw breath, all who walk the life path, all who encounter this mystery we call life will face times when they will need to make use of not only physical strength but also spiritual strength as well.

And so we nurture and build and safeguard our strength. We exercise, eat well, rest and thereby do all we can to build and maintain our physical strength. And we pray, meditate, practice love and forgiveness and come to places like this and other places to build and maintain our spiritual strength.

So that when we come upon challenges, powerful challenges like losses, we will be able to draw upon the strength to not only cope with such a challenge but also move through it in such a way that we come out on the other side stronger, more full of meaning and knowing a little more about the mystery of life.

Because of all the pervasive challenges that are confronting us; not just the world wide financial crisis, but also the wars, the ravages of illness and poverty, it isn’t hard to come upon others who are on the front lines, feeling the brunt of these challenges.

And these friends of mine who are feeling these losses right now are my kind of people because I count myself among them. I know what it means to experience big time losses. And they remind me of the most reassuring truth about this mystery we call life. And that truth is that no matter the loss, no matter how devastating the challenge, one truth, one given is unshakable and that is love remains, love always remains and for that reason hope lives on.

The other day I heard from a dear friend who lost his life savings when a company he had worked for, a company he so believed in that he had his life savings invested in the stock of this company, when this company failed and went out of business.

And later as I reflected on the conversation I had just finished with my friend. And I realized how remarkable it was that this one who had lost his job, his life savings, how remarkable it was that his spirit was good and strong. And so I started to think about that and it hit me that what was serving my friend so well in this time of challenge was his spiritual strength. He had said that after having loss all of these things that he thought were so important that he had thought his hope and spirit was resting on that he had realized that he was wrong; that his hope and spirit was not resting on theses things that can go away so quickly, that his hope and spirit was fundamentally resting on something much more basic and something that was not and could never be subject to the winds of change and that was his dear friends and the love that connected him to them and to the greater love that always endures.

And so this Colin Raye song popped into my head again. The words, so powerful set to music say:
“We are born one fine day, children of God on our way; Mama smiles, daddy cries, miracle before their eyes; they protect us till we’re of age, through it all love remains.
Boy moves on takes a bride, she stands faithful by his side; they spend years, build a home, raise a family of their own; they share joys they share pain; through it all love remains;
Kingdoms come and go but; they don’t last; Before you know the future is the past; in spite of what’s been loss or been gained, we are living proof that love remains;
I don’t know baby what I’d do on this earth without you;
We all live; we all die but the end is not good bye;
Sun comes up seasons change;
Through it all loves remains; An eternal burning flame; Hope lives on and love remains.”

And isn’t it what remains when loss takes from us; isn’t it what remains that is important. I think it is and the good news is that love always remains and because of that hope always lives on.

It really is true that by claiming, by recognizing the reality of the spiritual dimension to who you and I are that we have the greatest resource of all. We have the bail out plan of all bail out plans. We have the ultimate FDIC and SPIC plan. We have something that can always sustain our spirit because we have come to recognize the reality of and the power of love. Love is truly undefeatable. Love cannot be wiped out, can never go bankrupt, can never close its doors, can never go out of business. Love always remains. And love always leads to hope.

But love is not a passive kind of thing. Love is always an active kind of thing. We access love through action. We find love as we love, as we live mindfully not of just ourselves but of others; as we forgive ourselves and others. That’s how we draw down on the ever remaining, ever supporting, ever under girding love.

Christmas time I reminded you of the old saying “Give till it hurts.” And suggested a modification; instead saying “Give when it hurts.” Well at times of loss, at times of challenges when what was near, dear and comforting is taken from you, reach out to love which always remains and which will, no matter the loss, enable hope to live on. And the good news is that all of us can do this. All of us have access to this kind of sustaining reassurance, this kind of ultimate bail out of our spirits. Because it’s available to all who reach out for it. All who reach out in love, in forgiveness and in mindfulness.

My friend who loss so much two weeks ago told me the other day that he had been going out volunteering at a homeless shelter and that life, while uncertain in some ways that feel new, was richly full for him.

Another friend told me of how, after watching her stocks tank, she sold some of them and gave the money away. She said, “I’m going to cut my losses. I’m going to give some money away before I loose it. I’d much rather give it away than loose it.” It was her spiritual strength that enabled her to approach this crisis this way. And like all things we do out of our spiritual strength, such actions serve us well.

I have the utmost confidence in what I am telling you today; in this belief that no matter what we loose that love, a kind of love that enables hope to live on is always available to us. And one of the reasons I have this confidence is that I have seen this reality proved true over and over again. And none more powerfully than just before my Cathy died.

It was just before Thanksgiving and a large group of friends and family were gathered around the table at my house. And on that table was a spread of unbelievably good food. Cathy, just out of the hospital, was sitting at the head of the table and before we started to eat, she said that she wanted to say something. Looking out on that scene, including food of which she couldn’t eat one bite, frail, jaundiced and weak, about to die and knowing full well her condition, she said, “I want all of you to know that I consider myself the luckiest, the most fortunate woman alive. ” In her devastated state, with loss all around, she was proof positive that love remains, hope lives on.

I can’t tell you why life includes so many challenges, so many losses. The magnitude of this mystery is far beyond my comprehension. But I can tell you from first hand experience the wonderful good news that through it all love remains, hope lives on.

Dear God, we get so attached to so much that we find in life. Some we know it’s good to be attached to, the wonderful people we love and who love us, the vitality of health, just being alive. And often we confess we get attached to lots of things that are fairly silly. And when we loose these things that we get so attached to we get really scared.
We pray, we ask You to please help us reserve our greatest attachment for those parts of life where love lives. Help us please, dear God to remember that all of life is fleeting and that only love can support our spirit and keep us hopeful. And so help us please dear God to invest fully and completely in love in all of the many wonderful places we find it. For you have shown us that love always remains.
Thank you

Reflection:
This summer I experienced another “sitting on the edge of my seat” moment. In fact, I’m sure many of you were experiencing the same thing, night after night for several weeks, as we watched the Summer Olympics in Beijing. How could you not want to watch Michael Phelps attempt to win 8 gold medals? Wasn’t he amazing? Each night I was captivated by these athletes and astounded at what they were able to accomplish.

Aside from the medal winning moments, however, it was the personal stories of the athletes themselves that really captured my attention and inspired today’s service. After listening to several of their stories, it was clear to me that these athletes were not just on a physical journey, they were and are, just like all of us, on spiritual journeys. And it’s these spiritual journeys I want to speak about this morning, because although we may not be Olympic athletes, their journeys are, at their heart, no different from yours and mine. We all share in the same human experience and so by telling their stories, I hope that you can recognize a part of your own story.

Michael Phelps
Let’s start with Michael Phelps. I’m sure you all know that Michael Phelps grew up in Rodger’s Forge in Baltimore. But what you may or may not know is that Michael Phelps was severely bullied as a child. And for anyone that has been bullied, or knows someone that was bullied, you know these events can cause deep emotional scars, scars that some struggle to deal with their entire adult lives.

A friend of mine lived in Michael Phelps’ neighborhood when Michael was a boy and she told me that one of Michael Phelps’ teachers has said that she remembered Michael’s mother coming to school to talk about the bullying situation and she remembered her saying how grateful she was that Michael had swimming. Swimming was the one thing that got Michael through this difficult experience.

One of the things that stood out for me when watching the Summer Olympics was an interview done with Michael Phelps just before the Men’s Relay. The French team had been quoted in the paper as having said some really negative things about the U. S. Men’s swim team and a reporter was asking Michael what he thought of their comments, or their “talking trash” about the U. S. swim team. Michael’s response, basically, was “bring it on”. He said the more the French “trashed” his team, the harder he fought. He actually said he liked when the competition spoke badly about him and his team because it made him work that much more.

I don’t want to assume to know what motivates Michael Phelps, but I can’t help but think that the “trash talk” was rubbing up against those old childhood wounds, and instead of letting those remarks scare him off or threaten his confidence, they made him, say “No! You can’t make me feel less than. I’ll show you what I’m made of.” And certainly he did just that.

His success in swimming has had to have helped in healing those childhood wounds and in the process, he’s become the world’s greatest swimmer.
Natalie Coughlin
Another athlete I want to tell you about is a swimmer by the name of Natalie Coughlin. For those of you not familiar with her, Natalie is considered by some to be the most talented and versatile female swimmer in the world today. At age 15, Natalie was the first person ever to qualify for all 14 women’s events at the U.S. Nationals. This year, at the age of 26, Natalie has again been nominated for Woman Athlete of the Year, having won it previously in 2004. Watching her in Beijing you would never have guessed at the struggles she had to overcome.

Natalie’s first swimming coach followed the traditional coaching styles of many in the sport of swimming, one of grueling practices and tough love. In her biography, Natalie talks about how verbally abusive the coach was how she and her teammates did nothing but eat, drink and sleep swimming. It was swimming 24/7. Unfortunately, this approach resulted in not only Natalie losing her passion for the sport, but time after time when the big competitions rolled around, Natalie’s body was too weakened from fatigue to perform her best. Eventually, these extreme training methods led to a severe shoulder injury that most thought she would never come back from. Sadly, her story is not unique. But, fortunately for Natalie did not give up.

Instead, she switched coaches and joined the team at the University of California in Berkley. Her new coach is a woman by the name of Teri McKeever. Teri’s approach was considered quite unorthodox at the time. She believed she had to help Natalie regain her love for the sport, and she did this by encouraging her to develop interests and passions outside of swimming. She encouraged her to live a more balanced life.

In the interview with Natalie that aired during the Beijing Olympics, Natalie talked about her passion for cooking and how she enjoyed it most when she shared her meals with her friends and family.

Again, I don’t want to pretend I know Natalie Coughlin on an personal level, but in reading her biography and listening to her interviews, it seems clear that a piece of her spirit was ignored during those years of endless training and tough love. Balance was definitely missing, but more importantly, she lost her love of swimming.

Competitive swimming is a very isolating sport, so through her coaches encouragement to pursue passions outside of swimming, I believe she was able to nurture a part of herself that had been starving for attention. She gained the balance her soul needed. She was able to bring a wholeness and a joy to the competitive swimming part of her life that she wasn’t able to do previously.

Natalie Couglin brought home 5 medals from Beijing, including gold.
Raj Bhavsar
The last athlete I want to talk about is Raj Bhavsar, a member of the men’s gymnastics team. His story was really the seed for this reflection. It was hearing the announcer’s talk about how “present” he was for each of his events that caught my attention. They also commented on how “present” he was during interviews. I thought “present” that’s an interesting choice of words. How do they know he’s present?” So I did a little research on Mr. Bhasvar and I found an article about his journey at the Olympic trials, before he was named to the 2008 team. Here is an excerpt from that article:

Much of the way Bhavsar approached these trials can be attributed to the lessons he learned from his experiences in 2004. After traveling with the Olympic team to Athens but ultimately watching from the stands as his teammates won a silver medal without his help, Bhavsar lost the motivation he’d had for the sport he began at age 3. The former Buckeye who helped Ohio State win the 2001 national title no longer had a passion for gymnastics.
It took nearly three years, but after failing to make the 2007 national team, Bhavsar made a conscious overhaul that changed not only his approach to gymnastics, but also his life as a whole.
Using everything from “The Success Principles,” by Jack Canfield, co-author of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books, to Bikram yoga and meditation, Bhavsar stopped identifying gymnastics with who he was and instead simply equated it to something he did.
“Rather than thinking I knew everything or I knew the process and steps into being successful in life, I made myself a student of life,” Bhavsar said, “and I kind of just opened my mind to some of the masters and allowed them to teach me what success is really all about.
The fruits of his labor have been unequivocal this year. Bhavsar took second at the Winter Cup Challenge in February and fifth all-around at nationals last month.
On Saturday, Bhavsar further proved his methods for success. When he was staring at the floor before his parallel bars routine, he was using “a technique to bring present awareness back.”
Where that leaves Bhavsar, only time will tell. But if he no longer worries about how he’s going to do in this sport, then whether or not he makes the Olympic team as a true member — or even at all — doesn’t make a difference to him, right?
Well, sort of.
“Either way, I will be fine. I’m Raj,” said Bhavsar, who said there was nothing more he could’ve done in these trials to further satisfy him with his performance. “There’s no medal around my neck or no award I can be given that can change me or supersede who I am. What defines me as a person is a little bit more than, I think, an Olympic team, and winning medals and all that other kind of stuff.’
I just want to add, that the U. S. Men’s gymnastics team, although not expected to come anywhere close to medaling as a team, went on to win Bronze.

Second Question
I wanted to tell these stories to illustrate how nurturing a part of our souls that is either wounded, or out of balance, missing, can bring a wholeness to our lives that aides us in accomplishing our goals. Certainly it was true for each of these athletes. I believe when we are living our lives from a place of wholeness, we can be our highest selves. I believe when we are balanced in body, mind and spirit our potential is infinite. I believe these are the moments when we can tap into that greater power and wisdom that is both inside and outside ourselves. So the next question I want you to ask yourself as you sit here today as also as you move through your week is this:
Is there someplace in my soul that needs tending to?
Am I living my life from a place of wholeness, or do I need to nurture some part of me that has gone ignored?

The last thing I want to talk about today is passion. You’ve heard it mentioned a few times throughout my reflections and I think it is a common ingredient to living life to the fullest. In order to become our highest selves, I believe an element of passion must exist. Unfortunately, for many of us, figuring out what we’re passionate about seems to be a daunting task.
I went to Barnes and Noble this past Friday in an attempt to count how many books were on the shelf that dealt with discovering your passions. Turns out there were too many titles to count. So instead, I went home and logged onto Amazon.com and typed in “Finding your Passion”. Do you know it came back with 485 book titles! Clearly, people are struggling to figure out what their passions are.
So what I’d like to do is challenge the way we think about passions and define them in a way that makes the word less daunting and overwhelming.
The Webster definition of passion is: any object of warm affection or devotion. I think “devotion” is the key word here. If instead of asking, “what are your passions”, we asked “what are you devoted to”, would it change your response?
When I think about my own life, I’m most devoted to being the best mother, wife and friend I can be. And ultimately, in being the best human being I can be and that affects everything I do and every encounter I have.
I believe it is the internal devotions, not the external pursuits that should be our greatest passions. Why can’t we be passionate about being kind? Why can’t we be passionate about being good listeners, or being non-judgmental, or being more generous with our time? I would much rather have a world full of men who wanted to be the best fathers they could possibly be than a world full of fast swimmers. I would much rather have a handful of really good friends who listened and loved without condition, than the ability to paint a picture or play the piano. When you look at passions from this perspective, isn’t it clear that our most noble passions are and have been with us all along?
Roger Housden wrote in his book Ten Poems to Set You Free:
“If you want to know what you are here to do, look around you, at the life you already have. It will tell you what to do next if you follow the deepest thing you feel inside. You may realize that, ultimately, your own true vocation has no outer form; that your dedication is to an inner life that is not concerned with the work you do. What matters, finally, is less what it looks like - the presence or absence of a string of achievements - than the pouring of your heart and soul into the longings and loves you have been given.”
Having said this, I don’t mean to minimize the accomplishments of the athletes whose stories I shared this morning. I simply mean to draw attention to those things we typically don’t view as passions, and to give them equal billing.
I actually believe all of our passions, whether manifested inwardly or outwardly, work toward deepening our spirituality. I read somewhere, and I wish I could remember where, that the physical body hinders us from realizing our spiritual selves. I disagree. Just like each of the athletes whose stories I told, the physical acts we do whether with our hands and feet or with our minds and voices, can all be ways we connect to spirit. Our bodies and minds must work as gateways, or vehicles to propel us forward on our spiritual journeys. What else do we have? And I believe it’s the awareness of this that matters most.
Billie Jean King said: “I think self awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.”
So my hope is that when you leave here today, you’ll take a closer look at what, in your soul needs tending to, that you’ll have an awakened sense of what you are passionate about, so that when you are confronted with challenges, you’ll be able to call upon that cheerleader within and root yourself on, as the champion you are.